Li Meijin: Parenting advice for all ages from 0-18 years old

From birth to growth, a child's parents accompany him all the way, but no parent is born as a new father and a new mother.

So, sometimes we don't really know our children.

"Why aren't you as obedient as you used to be?"

Why not be as lively as before?

Why did you start lying?

Why is academic performance getting worse?

……

The "why" of these children growing up, as parents we often do not understand...

We still do not take children as experimental products, especially in the modern society, we need to understand some of the basic laws of education, follow some basic principles and principles, more able to teach children well, rather than everything by feeling, do not pay attention to the direction of the setting, there is no step arrangement, everything is confused, wait until the child grows up, find that they have not taught well, are not regretful?

Children's growth is actually divided into different stages, we need to change according to each stage, constantly adjust the parents' own mentality and way, so as to better educate children.

Just as the so-called mountain to sing which song, the same is true for the education of children, it cannot be said that children's early childhood education is the same as primary education, and secondary education is the same as university education, then it is not in line with objective laws, it is not appropriate, it is not allowed.

No matter what stage, the parenting of the child can actually be reflected as the investment in the child's psychology, which is priceless.

Professor Li Meijin, a well-known expert in criminal psychology and adolescent psychology, has discovered through a large number of cases and years of investigation practice:

People's behavior and psychology in adulthood are a manifestation and a refraction of past experiences, which are closely related to the family parenting style of childhood, "what is in the eyes is what is in the heart."

Parents can't help but be anxious, how can we make children's eyes full of happiness and warmth?

Professor Li Meijin gave specific and feasible methods for the parenting of children at different stages.

01

0-3 years old pay attention to emotional upbringing, human nature formation

After 4 months to half a year old, after the beginning of recognizing people, the attachment relationship becomes formed, and at that time, the one-on-one emotion is satisfied, and the trust in the outside world will begin to form, which belongs to the core of human nature.

0-3 years old is the period when a child establishes a one-on-one attachment relationship with his family, and this attachment will continue to accumulate until the age of 12.

Attachment is the origin of emotions, and when a toddler forms an attachment relationship with someone, he will feel pleasure when he is with the object of attachment; when sad, it is only the appearance of the attachment object that the toddler feels comforted.

Attachment is very happy and relaxed when it is satisfied, and when one is in a relaxed state, it is very happy to look at things outside.

In real life, Li Meijin often encounters such painful cases.

"Many children have hurting their parents during adolescence, needless to ask, most of these children are not raised by their parents before the age of 12, and emotional connections are not formed."

Originating from the United States, the "Cry Immunization Method" was once popular all over the world, and young Chinese parents were also pursuing it.

When the child is crying, he cannot pick up immediately, which is conducive to cultivating the child's good habit of sleeping independently and avoiding the habit of crying.

Professor Li Meijin disagrees with this view.

She said that during the period of incompetence when eating, drinking, and sleeping, children can only rely on crying to express their pain. At this time, parents should immediately pick up the child to comfort.

Children who cry for a long time and cannot be soothed, their internal organs of the autonomic nervous system will form excessively tense memories, affecting the child's temperament.

For example, there are many "Road Rages" and "Keyboard Men" in life;

As everyone knows, their fiery temper of "one point" stems precisely from the extensive parenting of their parents, and their various physiological needs are not met within 1 year of age.

Feeding the child should be placed in the arms, the smell of the nurturer will make the child feel warm, and the smell of food and familiarity will make the child feel comfortable and happy, which is conducive to the establishment of attachment relationships.

02

3-6 years old personality nurturing, the formation of ideas

Personality is the key period for the establishment of acquired social behavior, and around the age of 3 must consciously say "no" and carry out a series of character training, and personality cultivation before the age of 6 is very important.

Establish patterns of behavior with fewer rebellious behaviors, and in the process let him know what is right and what is wrong, thus forming an idea. Once some inappropriate behaviors are repeated, they become perceptions, thoughts, and behavioral stereotypes, which are habits.

It is very important to correct things as they go, so the company of the child's parents in the early years is extremely important.

Love is a kind of nutrition, but not all, children from the age of 3, gradually have the ability to understand and express, is a key period for children to "make rules".

At the age of 3, parents should learn to say "no" to their children;

At the age of 4, parents should teach their children to wait and self-discipline;

At the age of 5, parents should teach their children to learn self-management in seduction training, and demonstrate to their children how to share with others;

At the age of 6, children should learn the spirit of hard-working and hard-working in sports.

Around the age of 3, the child's crying is no longer a physical need, but a psychological need.

So how to stop the child's unreasonable crying?

To let him know that crying is useless.

For example, children can't watch cartoons because they can't get mobile phones, and they cry at home.

At this time, the parents should carry the child into the bedroom and watch the child cry with a smile and squint.

Until the child is tired of crying, parents can get up and leave to get a hot towel to wipe the child's face, so that the child can feel the love for him.

After the child's mood stabilizes, parents calmly reason with the child:

"If Mom wants to look at the phone and Dad doesn't give Mom, Mom cries like you just did, okay?"

You've grown up, what needs can be said, crying is not the solution. ”

In the face of children's education problems, Li Meijin reminds parents that when educating their children, they should especially do "four don'ts":

Don't scold the child, don't hit the child, don't reason with the crying child, don't leave the child.

For children crying, the parents' principles are like noise in their ears; similarly, if the child is left alone in the room to reflect, it is equivalent to confinement, without the slightest educational significance.

Encourage children to learn to express their ideas, listen to their parents, and establish democratic communication patterns with their children.

Many parents report:

"Children don't love to learn in middle school, can't sit still in class, and look at each other, which is very affecting academic performance."

Li Meijin found that most of the children who are inattentive grew up with grandparents and other grandparents. This is because, the life of the elderly has no rhythm and regularity:

"Give your child a sweet potato for a while, take your child to a neighbor's house to visit the door, and over time, the child's attention becomes distracted."

Unpaced parenting in the early years can make people lack control over themselves in adulthood.

How to make children around the age of 4 begin to know how to wait and endure, so as to cultivate a sense of self-discipline?

Buy toys for your child in a planned way.

Opt for a relaxing weekend where parents can take their children to the mall to pick out toys.

After the child is selected, the parent can say:

"This toy is beyond our plans, do you know why Mom and Dad go to work every day?"

30 days to pay once, the family to buy everything needs to plan, you want 120 yuan for this toy, but according to mom's budget plan, we can only buy 100 yuan toy.

If we buy it home today, we won't have any money for next week's dish.

If Mom and Dad work hard and overtime this week, they can buy this toy home next weekend! ”

Parents can use this opportunity to make demands on their children, because they have to work overtime, you have to go to bed early, you have to eat obediently, you have to pack your toys...

Delayed gratification will teach children to wait and endure.

In addition to buying toys, Professor Li Meijin suggested that after the child is 3 years old, parents can use the weekend time to let the child sit at the desk and do a quiet thing, which can be puzzles, paintings, etc.

At the age of 3, it takes 10 minutes to complete a painting, and at the age of 4, it lasts 20 minutes each time, and when the child goes to school at the age of 6, he can concentrate in 35 minutes of class time.

From the age of 5, self-management ability and the ability to share with others should also be gradually developed.

At this time, parents should appropriately use temptation training to help children form such abilities.

How to develop children's self-management skills?

1. The temptation of chocolate

Prepare a favorite snack for your child, such as chocolate.

Design a game where chocolate is divided into three portions, take out two of them and say to the child:

"Baby, these two chocolates are given to you, and you can manage them yourself."

If you can eat one serving today and another tomorrow, then tomorrow your mother will reward you with an extra serving. ”

In most cases, the child has the right to decide for the first time, and most of them will eat two chocolates at once, and naturally they will not be rewarded with a third chocolate.

A month later, when playing games for the second time, the child will learn the lesson, taste chocolate according to the plan, and gradually develop a good habit of self-discipline.

Tell your child that "this is your mother's test for you, don't worry, and learn to wait when you grow up.".

2. Sharing at the dinner table

When I was a child, I always prepared tables, chairs and dishes before dinner, and I would not move the chopsticks until my family was seated.

His father could not eat on time after working overtime, and his mother would definitely leave him a separate meal with clean dishes and chopsticks.

The best fruits are also left for family members who are not at home.

The little acts in a parent's life will teach children how to share.

3. Hard-working in sports

Children should participate in more sports activities from the age of 4 and cultivate hard-working and hard-working.

Running can exercise your child's breathing and endurance, and you can also exercise your child's guts.

The child will lose breath during the run, and when this stage is passed, it will find that there are no adverse reactions.

At this time, parents can tell their children that "this situation will also be encountered in life, it is particularly difficult to start working, and after a period of persistence, you will find that it is not so."

When the child learns to swim, he will be very afraid and feel that he will drown, and later he will find that as long as he does not give up, he will be able to learn.

At this time, parents can tell their children that "everything is from not coming to the meeting, this process is the process of controlling the outside world, and you can't refuse to try because you are afraid."

03

6-18 years old ability to develop, the formation of knowledge and skills

6 to 18 years of age is a critical period for knowledge education and skill acquisition.

Personality comes partly from heredity, part from acquired nature, while intelligence comes from genetics in part, and the acquisition of skills is acquired.

At this stage, it is necessary to identify the child's ability problems, and it is necessary to help the child find the positioning that belongs to his ability, that is, the value of the self, which is his positioning in the society in the future.

Schools teach and educate people, and more importantly, the ability to learn and live, in the future, they can support themselves and parents.

In addition, during this period, the child enters puberty, the girl is 12 years old, the boy is 14 years old, and the secondary sexual characteristics begin to develop.

In the face of middle school students, parents should first change their educational concepts, help their children grow, and respect their children's right to choose.

For example, after the child enters the second year of junior high school, parents can discuss the future career direction with the child and provide the child with at least five future career choices.

Guide in the selection process, rather than a rough "tube".

So when children have learning difficulties, how should parents guide them?

What should I do if I have difficulty learning?

Professor Li Meijin's daughter did not perform well in mathematics in high school, and found an excellent extracurricular teacher to make up for her.

But the daughter bluntly said that she did not need to make up for her mathematics, and it was better to spend the money on the study of English and history.

Li Meijin respected her daughter's opinions, focused on english and history, and finally improved her daughter's English score by more than 50 points in the college entrance examination.

Children have the clearest awareness of themselves, give them the opportunity to express themselves, and respect the rhythm of the child.

So how to talk to your child about love during adolescence?

When Li Meijin was in junior high school, she used the case of picking clothes to teach her daughter how to establish a correct concept of love.

Picking clothes is like finding someone.

Once, the mother and daughter picked out clothes in the mall and walked to the first shop, the daughter liked a dress, Li Meijin encouraged her to go to other shops in addition to this dress; in the process of constantly visiting the shops, the daughter found other more favorite choices in the comparison.

Li Meijin took this opportunity to say:

"Finding a partner is like picking clothes, middle school is the first store, if you fall in love early in middle school, it is very likely that you will not see better boys in the future." 」

The daughter suddenly realized that she had developed a correct view of love.

In addition to work in a person's life, he must also have a healthy body, a beautiful family, good interpersonal relationships, etc., the richer the emotions, the happier the child, do not force the child to simply succeed.

04

After the age of 18, self-realization, self-cultivation and self-consciousness are formed

After the age of 18, children will slowly improve their self-cultivation and self-maturity in social activities.

At this stage, the child has reached adulthood, and some of his specific thinking has yet to mature, which is a stage that needs to be gradually polished, what is polished? It is his cultivation.

Because the preliminary work is done well, then parents can also form a psychological influence and some key guidance on the child at this stage, how do you need to get along with him at this stage? How to give him some educational inspiration?

After the child enters the university, around the age of 18-22, the child has invisibly influenced the child.

At this stage, he wants to start to walk his own life path independently, needs to make his own choices, needs to start taking responsibility for his own life, parents should give their children an encouragement, and at the same time tell their children that the rest of the way you have to go, but parents will always silently support him behind him.

On the one hand, we must let children learn how to behave and do things on their own, to really use these insights and cultures of their own in social life, to practice the true knowledge, the children at the university level are more idealistic, the reality is real, to avoid everything is taken for granted, the reality is much more complicated than imagined, these are also honing the child's self-conduct.

On the other hand, we also want to let children plan for their future at this stage, you can have time to talk more about life with your children, you can inquire about the children's ideological activities, parents need to know what their children think in their hearts, to ensure that children do not make a big mess at this stage, including love, marriage, career, interpersonal relations, academics, these can be talked about, more communication, more communication, more guidance, parents are worthy of parents.

Circle the key - the core concept gets

Overall, the process of children's growth is the foundation of education.

Parenting is a process of parents' hard work and accumulation of educational capital, parenting needs to form a one-to-one relationship in an early and stable manner, form an attachment parent-child relationship, parenting is also the process of human nature being awakened, is the starting point of emotional development, so the early three-year accompaniment is extremely important.

Three years of grace to him, can then establish power on him. Growth requires norms of behavior and the formation of ideas. It all needs to be done by the age of six. The hard work before the age of six benefits people for a lifetime.

Let children acquire knowledge and skills to make their lives better. Only when your personal life is smooth can you be safe and secure. Modern urbanization and socialization have too great an impact on people's lives, so we must pay attention to the most important three years after people are born. Chaotic parenting, the aftermath appears twelve years later.

In short, education is a very complex topic and process, it involves family education, school education and social education, a member who comes out of a family, he represents the whole family, the family is the first space for children to grow, but also the most far-reaching.

Every pair of parents will inevitably encounter various problems in the process of raising and educating their children, but as long as we calmly analyze, communicate with and accompany their children more, we will definitely help our children get through one difficulty after another.

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