After becoming a parent, I often have such a confusion: "Parenting knowledge has seen a lot, but when it comes to children, it is not good."
In fact, methods and knowledge are only floating on the surface, if you look at it from a deep level, your attitude towards children is not right, all methods will lose their soul and lose their effectiveness.
Many parents think from the bone that the child is inferior to himself, he does not understand anything, so he must obey the adult.
It is true that we are nurturers, but we cannot be dictators.
Adler said: The foundation of education is respect.
Education without respect as a prerequisite is extremely bad.
1、
2-year-old Le Le pushed the child to the ground while playing with his friends.
Parents who heard the crying rushed over. Lele's father was very angry when he saw this, and shouted loudly: "How can you hit people, you child is simply too naughty..."
The more Dad talked, the angrier he became, and he slapped the little boy.
Such a scenario is all too common in Chinese parenting.
The boys' mischievous behavior always annoyed the adults. Then I wanted to educate him fiercely so that he could have a longer memory.
But can children really remember sex for a long time?
It turns out that children don't have long memories, and always have a next time, the next time.
The root of the problem is that fathers never see their children as equals to themselves and educate themselves with respect.
Because if the father respects the child from the bottom of his heart and does not think that they are mischievous, he will not indiscriminately label the child as a bad child.
At least he'll go figure out the reasons behind it first and see what the kids think.
Because there must be a need behind the child's behavior, the need is not wrong, the fault is in his way of expression.
Educators do their job to help children learn to express their needs correctly.
When this dad maintains such an attitude, the way of handling it will be completely different.
He will find that the two-year-old Lele is at the peak of his sense of property rights, and when other children snatch their toys, he is very angry and hits others.
There is nothing wrong with this need, it is just a way to solve the problem by force, and it needs to be guided by adults.
If the father can first express his understanding of the child's needs, "Your toys are snatched by others, you must be very angry and anxious."
Then guide him to meet the needs in the right way, "It's not right to hit someone, what can we do next time?" "Guide him to solve the problem.
The methods and techniques are different for each child, but the premise of respect is the same.
2、
Xiaomi was playing with the toy car in his hand when a little boy ran over and wanted to play.
The child's mother quickly came over and said, "Baby, this little brother wants to play with your toys, let him play with your car for a while!" ”
The child quickly hugged his toy car and said no. The little brother who was on the side cried when he saw it.
Mom hindered the face, hurriedly said: "Children should know to share, everyone play together is interesting, you see you are so stingy, there will be no children to play with you in the future!" ”
The mother is protecting her self-esteem from being frustrated, but throws her child's self-esteem out.
A man came over and said, "Your phone is good, let him play with it too, sharing is a virtue." "Would you agree?"
Is it because children are young that they do not have the right to defend their own things?
Many parents think that their children are so young that they do not understand what respect is.
In fact, children begin to pay attention to their own evaluation in the hearts of others after the age of 2, which means that their self-esteem begins to sprout.
However, at this stage, the child's psychological endurance is very fragile.
If parents do not understand how to respect their children, like the above mothers, do not ask the child's wishes, blindly force the child to share, not only will not let the child learn to share, but will make the child distrust the mother.
03、
In life, many parents like to compare other people's children with their own children; people say the shortcomings of their children; they do things big and small, and rarely give their children the right to make choices. These are all signs of disrespect for children.
One of the most direct consequences of not respecting children is to let the child's heart get farther and farther away from you, the child loses 100% trust in you, and the education without a trust relationship will be greatly reduced.
Children will also learn not to respect others and respect themselves because they are not respected.