Many parents of mom psychology always react, they are learning how to communicate with their children, but also learned a lot of scientific parenting methods, want to practice when they find their children, often but in the first step of communication on the nose of the ash.
Many children will either not take it seriously when they hear their parents say what they will do in the future, or they will laugh very funny and say that they will not believe it.
These parents spat bitterly: "I really want to change for her, why doesn't he believe it?" "
Why do parents have no trust in the minds of adolescent children?
01.
An educational institution once conducted a survey of primary and secondary school students to collect what situations the student group is most likely to be dissatisfied with, and the final survey data report shows:
Among the 12 behaviors that primary and secondary school students are most dissatisfied with their parents, the first place is "talking does not count", and the proportion of votes in this option is as high as 43.6%.
This shows that this situation is very common among the parents of students, and even many parents do not take this matter to heart, they are not even aware of such a small matter in daily life, and the child actually cares.
Maybe it's just saying ok, as long as you finish writing homework, you can play with your mobile phone, but after the child finishes writing, the parents have not given the child a mobile phone.
Maybe it was a promise, I would go to the spring tour after the end of the monthly examination, but I temporarily used the work arrangement to push it off to the next time.
Maybe it's an ordinary comic, maybe it's a not-so-expensive fast food, which is nothing more than a casual promise for parents, but behind it carries the child's rising but disappointed expectations.
The efforts and hopes that the child has made behind this expectation have been ignored by the parents who are not the same thing, and have been forgotten.
In the relationship between adults, we learn to be vain and snake, and the occasional appointment to eat together is just a polite and intimate way.
But in the child's world, the words spoken are a promise that needs to be fulfilled.
Every parent will teach their children to be honest and sincere, but often in these "small things" that they do not notice, they do not believe in their children again and again...
So how can children believe in the "honesty" that parents say?
02.
Questions about parenthood and integrity abound.
There was a question that said: What should I do if I meet a parent who does not keep my word?
This question is filled with a large number of answers that recall childhood, and there are those who sleep and forget to eat and read in order to achieve the goals specified by their parents, but the mother forgets the agreed rewards.
There is a promise to the child to take the child and friends out to play but temporarily break the contract, the result of the child angry and run away from home.
Many years have passed since these netizens wrote about these experiences, and their statements when they talk about these memories are brisk and even somewhat ridiculous, but they all carry very clear regrets and grievances that remain after recalling.
They said in unison that they would never take their parents' promises as a thing again, because they didn't know if their parents would keep their promises like this next time.
Swiss writer Amir. In his book, Orr says that credit is like a mirror, and when this mirror cracks, it can no longer be as perfect as before.
Yes, it is difficult to break the mirror, it is difficult to harvest the water, and the promise we promised the child but did not fulfill symbolize the credit that we have been dissolved in the child's heart, and it is difficult to find it back.
Although as the child grows older, the child will also begin to recognize the complexity of the adult relationship and understand that the parent does not care about the commitment to the child.
Perhaps the parent-child relationship will become more relaxed with the child's maturity, but the harm suffered in childhood is irreversible.
03.
If you don't keep your word, does it only hurt trust?
The emotional and psychological state of adolescent children is often involved in the whole body.
Most of the things we most often do with children about the three chapters of the law appear in learning, hoping that children will get what kind of target scores, or what kind of rankings, hoping to stimulate children's learning through this means.
However, when children take grades to ask parents to fulfill their promises, parents who "play tricks" often say that you are learning for yourself, not for me.
Or criticize the child for learning too utilitarianly, not knowing how to develop for themselves in the long run.
Admittedly, there is a certain utilitarianism in providing rewards for learning.
Parents should have some restrictions and considerations when encouraging their children to achieve their goals, but since they have established such an agreement with their children, they should strictly abide by it.
No child is born without following the rules and without the spirit of covenant.
Some children may even try to cheat or take shortcuts in order to achieve their goals, and although such behaviors are wrong in themselves, the importance children attach to these commitments is evident.
Treating children arbitrarily under the premise that children pay so much attention to the agreement will not only destroy the importance of the contractual relationship in the child's mind, but also make the child's trust in the parents collapse.
Because for children, parents are children's role models, and parents' words and deeds can directly affect children's behavior.
When parents do not believe what they say and do not fulfill their promises, the sacred status of parents in the minds of their children will decline, and the child's trust and dependence on their parents will also be strongly hit.
With this, there is a lack of security, and children in adolescence are prone to falling into sensitive and repetitive emotions, while the parents who should be closest and trusted are not trustworthy, which will make children fall into endless uneasiness.
An insecure child will use other avenues to obtain things that can make him feel dependent, such as socializing, going to some friends whose parents seem to be improper, and seeking a sense of dependence from friends.
Or obsessing with games, because every time you make a little progress in the game, you will be rewarded handsomely, and this satisfaction will be transformed into a source of security.
It can be said that when there is a crack of trust between the child and the parent, it is the parent who personally pushes the child into the crack of adolescent rebellion and gradually drifts away.
04.
So, when we face our children, don't make promises easily.
Whether in learning or life, as parents, we must know that the three chapters of the covenant law are not only the requirements of children, but also the constraints on our behavior.
If the child wants to obtain something through this commitment itself, which you do not want the child to obtain, clarify the stakes with the child and directly refuse.
Tell the child that the mother is very happy that you are willing to make this request, but I can't promise this, but if you have other ideas next time, we can discuss.
Communicating with children in a simpler and more direct way will not only not let the children fall into the blow of disappointment and failure, but also allow children to explore the boundaries of parents and guide children to think more maturely.
Become a trustworthy parent in your child's mind and give your child enough security to give your child a more supportive adolescence.
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