Intensive reading mother: life is not easy, only husband and wife work together, marriage can withstand the trivialities of life; only when parents participate together, children can meet a better and happier self.
Author:An Jing (Parents Intensive Reading Author)
A few days ago, I brushed up on a very distressing video.
On the high-speed train, a mother holding a child fell asleep, and a one- or two-year-old child in her arms was sleeping soundly.
Mom looked very tired, scrolling a subtitle on the phone in her hand:
"Kind people help, I'm too tired, we got off the bus in Xiamen North, if I fall asleep, please wake me up, thank you!"
Maybe the child had just been too excited to kick off his shoes and socks, but the mother was already tired and asleep and did not notice.
Looking at the flying subtitles on the phone, it is really sad.
There are always husbands in life who complain about their wives:
"Don't you just take a child, as for being so pretentious?"
"What else are you doing except with your children?"
How hard is it to take a child alone? That's something they can't and don't want to experience.
Mom is not Superman, but there are no helpers around
Chen Weijun, the director of the documentary "Shengmen", said:
"It is said that childbirth is a matter of two people, a matter of husband and wife, but it is not.
The only one who really faces everything is women. ”
Once in the forum, I saw a mother crying about her experience.
She was married far away to this city, and her mother could not help her brother with her children in her hometown.
In fact, these two little families live in the same city as their in-laws, and the in-laws should be able to help take care of them.
However, the only help the two old men could do in the matter of children was to pay for a sister-in-law.
The mother-in-law said that she was not in good health and could not help with the children, and her father-in-law did not retire.
So it has always been the couple with their own children.
Saying that it is two people, it is actually the mother who brought it herself.
The husband is busy at work, and even if he is free, he will symbolically help to bring it, and he will also call his wife every ten minutes, so that his mother feels that he has no love.
"Wife! Why did she keep crying? ”
"Wife! Is she hungry? You feed her some more milk. ”
"Wife! She pulls stinky, so smelly, how to get ah? ”
A few times, the mother heard the child crying, but did not hear the husband calling herself, she was curious to enter the house to see, the husband has long been asleep.
And there are many, many others like this mother who are lonely and helpless, they have to take the children alone, do housework, take the children alone to buy vegetables, squeeze the bus...
Even if he was sick, he had to take his child to the doctor alone.
Lu Linxi, a post-95 Harvard girl, shared such a story in "I Am an Orator".
One winter, she met such a mother in the orthopedic clinic of the hospital.
He looked to be in his thirties, but because of the strained lumbar muscles, his back was bent like an old woman.
The doctor told her that this was because it was too hard and tiring to take the child! Resting at home for a few days will be fine.
The mother just smiled bitterly and left with the baby.
When I arrived at the hospital gate, I saw that it was raining heavily outside, so I took out my mobile phone to call my husband.
But from the other end of the phone came not comfort and concern, but a particularly impatient voice:
"Do you know that I am tired and tired all day long, just such a little break at noon, you can just take a taxi!"
You have a child, how can there be so many things! You're not bothered."
Mom hung up the phone, carried the child on her bent back, and rushed into the heavy rain...
That father never thought that he was tired and tired at noon and had time to rest, but his wife, who was also tired and tired, even had less time to sleep at night than himself.
The reason why a woman quickly becomes strong and shoulders the heavy responsibilities of life is not because her mother is superhuman, but only because she sees that there are no shoulders to lean on.
There is a paragraph on the Internet that describes such a mother more appropriately.
"If a child asks me:
Mom, what made you go from being untethered to being a woman as powerful as a cow?
What made you go from slim hands to three heads and six arms?
What made you go from ten hours of sleep a day to five hours?
What makes you so strong and independent?
I will tell you very firmly:
Baby, it's your dad who can't do anything and your grandparents who can't help at all. ”
Mom is not a superman, if there is a shoulder to lean on, who is willing to carry the weight forward;
If there is a person who walks hand in hand, who wants to pretend to be strong. Omnipotence, knife and gun, is the heartache and helplessness that only women understand.
Even if you are "just for the mother", there are still times when you can't hold on
People always say that women are weak, but mothers are strong.
Because of this sentence, many mothers have suffered their own swallowing, and it is difficult to carry themselves, until the end, they can no longer hold on.
In "All Good", the eldest sister-in-law Wu Fei is alone in the United States with a child, and the work with the baby is not smooth everywhere.
She had to send her children alone and go to work on time, and if she sent her children to school, she would be late for work, but the children had to go to school.
After arriving late, the leader split his head and covered his face with criticism, not only doubting her work attitude, but also deducting her salary.
After returning home in the evening, because she picked up her daughter late from school, her daughter was dropped out of school again, and she said all the good things, but no one listened to her explanation.
Just then, the daughter tried to take something on the table and accidentally knocked it over.
Wu Fei was exhausted and slapped his daughter twice.
The daughter cried, and she cried too.
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, Mom shouldn't have hit you."
Calming down the good mood to call her husband to ask for comfort, I did not expect my husband to be anxious to deal with his own affairs, and he hung up the phone hurriedly without listening to a word.
When the child cries, there are still people who coax, but the mother cries, who can coax it?
She gave up completely and filed for divorce.
"I've been going on for a long time and I thought I was going to be strong.
I'm used to living without you now, used to being treated like a single mom. ”
Mother is actually an ordinary woman, even if she is a mother, she will be tired, and there are times when she can't hold on.
One side only cares about itself, and the burden on the other side is bound to be much heavier.
After a long time, the heart is cold, and the home is scattered.
In 2019, a heart-wrenching tragedy occurred in Japan.
This Japanese mother, Matsushita Enari, was 30 years old and gave birth to a pair of triplets.
In the beginning, she was full of compassion for her children and believed that she could successfully raise them as adults.
But soon, she felt the hardships and pressures of raising her children:
Her three children are fed at least 24 times a day, and she sleeps only 1 hour a day.
Babies cry a lot, she suffers a lot, and sometimes her heart beats faster.
Panasonic is a new mother with no experience with children, and her parents can't help her because she opens a restaurant.
Her husband took six months of maternity leave to reduce her burden, but he did not know anything about taking care of the baby.
In the end, Panasonic was still on its own.
Eventually, she suffered from depression and threw the child to death with her own hands during the onset.
A man is a teenager until death, and the moment a woman gives birth to a child, she must be strong and strong.
But after all, my mother is just an ordinary person, even if she can endure physical pain and fatigue, but mental and psychological exhaustion can she tell anyone?
No one understands that there is only self-digestion, self-commitment, and if you can't bear it, you may step into the abyss of eternal disaster.
Sometimes collapsing, sometimes regretting, has become the norm for mothers.
Home is a double dance, don't turn into a one-man show
Leo Tolstoy said:
"Unhappy families have their own misfortunes, while happy families are all similar."
Happy families have a similarity, that is, husband and wife go hand in hand, hand in hand, and face the ups and downs of life together.
1. Doing housework after returning home is the best comfort for the wife
Husbands don't collapse on the couch thinking about life as soon as they get home, you are tired outside for a day, your wife is also tired at home for a day, and after doing the work at home with her, the two people rest together is the best comfort for the wife.
Huang Lei and his wife Sun Li have been married for more than 20 years, taking on most of the family's household chores, and are jokingly called "Huang Xiao Chef" by friends.
Sun Li once said in the show that as long as her husband is at home, he does not have to do anything, many times he is busy in the kitchen, watering flowers on the balcony or painting with his daughter.
2, accompany the child to grow up without leaving yourself with regrets
Taking care of the child is not the responsibility of the mother alone, the father should not use the excuse of being busy at work, take more time to chat with the child, play games, and do not miss the growth of the child.
When Fei'er was five months old, she had pediatric pneumonia, and the cost of treatment cost all the family's savings.
Dad did not want to send Fei'er back to his hometown, and he was distressed that his mother took the child to sell meat in the vegetable market too hard, and took the initiative to take on the responsibility of taking care of Fei'er.
He took Fei'er to deliver takeaways together, and his father's takeaway box became a fixed cradle for children, so Fei'er became a "takeaway baby" that was all over the Internet.
3, sharing weal and woe is the happiest appearance of a family.
In fact, many times, moms don't need much money and don't need much house.
What my mother really needs is her husband's recognition and understanding of herself, and she can face it together and grow together when she is the most difficult and painful.
There is no superman in the world, and being a mother is just the biggest lie of the mother.
Life is not easy, only husband and wife work together, marriage can withstand the trivialities of life; only when parents participate together, children can meet a better and happier self.
You know, companionship, support and understanding are the antidote to all the tragedies in the world.
I hope that all husbands can cherish the woman around you who joins hands with you, cherish the woman who becomes a mother without hesitation, and do not let your wife live as an omnipotent superman.
About the author: An Jing, Parents Intensive Reading columnist, the copyright of this article belongs to Fushu, without authorization, may not be reproduced, infringement must be investigated
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