To be kind to a child's rebellion is to be kind to his whole life
Children who are "rebellious" and "non-rebellious" in adolescence live two lives 10 years later
It is very common for adolescent children to have rebellious emotions
What parents have to do is to accompany them more, respect them more, and give their children a little pressure appropriately, while knowing how to treat their children's rebellion
In this way, the child will pass through this period smoothly, and will not be crushed or completely free of himself
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Recently, a friend whose child was in adolescence complained to me
Now the child is like a barrel of explosives
No matter if it doesn't work, it doesn't work, every time you communicate without saying two words, you start to work against you
They even threaten their parents with running away from home and committing suicide
My friend said, "I feel like I don't know when I was replaced by a son, it's not my son at all."
Yes, adolescent children are really difficult to discipline
I remember that there was such a scene in the recent hit "Opponent"
The adolescent boy Chen Xing went home and asked his mother for money, but his mother Duan Yingjiu suspected him of cheating money
So the two began to tit-for-tat and quarreled
Finally, Chen Xing directly threw down a sentence
"You're not my mom, I don't recognize you"
Then he left the house angrily, and his mother Duan Yingjiu was obviously not lightly angry because of this, and he sighed and sighed in front of the room alone, and he was devastated
But in the end, it is helpless
The reaction of the mother and son in the whole process can be said to be very real
And such a scene can be said to be often staged between adolescent children and parents
So for parents, what can be done to discipline their children without causing their rebellion and resentment?
Let's take a look at it together, and hopefully it will help you as well
01
The so-called rebellion
I have seen such a news
A 13-year-old boy secretly plays games at home every day in the name of online lessons
Soon his parents discovered the cattiness
Because of the fear of children delaying learning
Parents, in the face of fruitless communication, angrily broke their children's mobile phones
I didn't think about it, it was this move of my parents
The boy was given a reason to run away from home, and for three whole days, the parents could not find their son
So they were so anxious that they had to call the police
As a result, the police quickly found the child hiding under the quilt in the storage room of the home
However, when the police and parents tried to persuade the children to come out
The child refused to come out, and by this time he had not eaten for three days
Finally, under the patient enlightenment of the police, the child opened his heart
Whether it is playing games or opposing his parents, it is actually because he wants his parents to pay attention to himself and recognize himself
Indeed, for many rebellious adolescent children
One of the things we often hear from their mouths is, "You don't understand."
And the other meaning of this sentence is that I want you to understand me!
Guo Qilin, the son of cross-talk actor Guo Degang, once said such an experience
During his adolescence, his father consciously or unconsciously wanted to nurture him to inherit his old profession
However, the more Guo Degang wooed him, the more Disgusted Guo Qilin became, and even wanted to make his father die
He also claimed that he would become a chef and network manager in the future
Amazingly, after puberty has passed
Guo Qilin himself slowly fell in love with crosstalk, and with his extraordinary talent, he quickly found his own position in the show business circle
At this time, Guo Degang became very Buddhist
The so-called rebellion is actually a stage that adolescent children must go through
It is an important process from a child to an adult, and only the child passes through this period smoothly
Then he can fully understand himself and find himself
What parents have to do is respect and companionship, as well as trust and appropriate letting go
02
The so-called obedience
The famous psychologist Wu Zhihong once said such a sentence at the "Strange Flower Conference"
"Obedience is a hoax passed down from generation to generation"
Indeed, many times, the more parents let their children obey
In fact, the more it harms the child
In life, there are not a few parents who are used to controlling their children and making their children obedient
A mom I know often says to me
"I like to let my children listen to me, this is the duty of children"
As a result, as soon as her daughter entered the second year of junior high school, she completely changed as a person
Not only is he disobedient, but he also likes to oppose her everywhere
Even the bedroom door is locked at home, because the mother always likes to go into the room to peek into her daughter's privacy in order to control her daughter
For other children, they have long been under the control and brainwashing of their parents
They tend to lose themselves and end up even feeling depressed in their hearts
I remember Ma Sichun once said that the reason why she suffered from depression was that her parents were too strict in tutoring
Growing up wanted her to be obedient and sensible, so she used to suppress herself and please others from a young age
Over time, the heart is full of negative emotions
The famous educator Montessori once said
Parents are the cruelest and most terrible education for their children
It is to let the child obey him unconditionally and be a "good" child who understands things and obeys
Such children are often prone to habitually pleasing others, and then wronged and sacrificed themselves
In the end, when they grow up, they will also suffer losses and even lose themselves completely
03
The so-called discipline
The so-called discipline is not to let you stare at the shortcomings of your child
Nor is it to let you use the authority of your parents to blindly force your children to admit defeat and make them unconditionally obey themselves
The so-called discipline is actually to a large extent to learn to treat children kindly and respect
Some people say that parents learn to be kind to their children's rebellion, which is equivalent to treating their children's lives well
I have seen such an example on the Zhihu Network
A boy in his adolescence, because of the difficulties in learning, he acted self-abandoned and was very resistant to going to school
As a result, the teacher came to him several times to communicate, and the boy not only did not listen to the advice, but also deliberately confronted the teacher
In desperation, the teacher had to tell the parents about the child's situation
After learning about the boy's boredom, the boy's mother was very angry and wanted to criticize her son many times
But the boy's father stopped her in time
Then the boy's father took a leave of absence to stay at home with the child
For a whole month, the boy was lying at home, while his father quietly cooked for him, caring for and accompanying him
In this way, the boy was moved
A month later, he voluntarily returned to school, and since then he has been angry and strong, and has worked hard to read books
Eventually, he became a successful pet doctor
As written in the book "Positive Discipline"
"Parents want to win discipline over their children, and the most important thing is to make them feel that you are on his side, and that at all times, you respect him and understand him."
Only then will the child feel loved and understood
In the documentary "Mirror", there is a boy named Zhang Zhao
His parents' favorite thing was to nag him and say something that hit him
Even if Zhang Zhao repeatedly complained to them that the pressure to study was really great
Parents still ignore it and do not forgive
So Zhang Zhao became more and more autistic, and finally locked himself directly in the house, not even going to school
And his parents realized at this time that they had not given their children care and support at all
For adolescent children, being respected and understood has an educational effect that is 10,000 times better than being preached
There is another boy in "Mirror" Named
He always wanted to be able to drop everything, go out and experience life, and be a backpacker who can go wherever he wants
However, parents think that their children should study well, so the two sides often quarrel, and the relationship becomes more and more rigid
Fortunately, in the end, under the guidance of the psychology teacher
Jiaming finally got the support of his parents as he wished, and after experiencing that kind of life
Jiaming also has a deeper understanding of his parents' good intentions
The relationship between the two sides is naturally reconciled
04
The so-called puberty
Everyone goes through puberty, and every child has a rebellious time
Parents don't have to feel like they're on the verge of a big enemy or feel that their authority is being challenged
You know, this is exactly what the child leaves you towards maturity
And thus learn the critical period of independence
All parents have to do is properly let go and the right guidance
In "Little Joy", Qiao Yingzi and Fang Yifan are happier with their fathers
It's because Dad prefers to be their friend than to control them and persecute them like Moms
Parents who are really emotionally intelligent are parents who know how to squat
And not the parents who are on top
Remember, rebellion is not terrible, what is terrible is that parents do not know how to treat kindness and understand the rebellion of their children
Please learn to trust your child
Please believe that once the youth has passed, the child who has experienced "rebellion" will be more confident and independent and shine!
Well, that's it for today, see you next time