In parent-child relationships, there is a very dangerous phenomenon
It is that many parents have subtly turned their love for their children into the manipulation of their children
Every parent wants their child to be happy
Manipulation requires that children can only be happy in the way parents want
Can't be happy in the way you like
That is, you can't go against the wishes of your parents
There was once a very hard-working mother who took good care of her children
Everything in the child's life is properly arranged by the mother
And the child has become accustomed to all the arrangements of the mother
Even mothers are not allowed to take the subway with their children
Because she thought the subway was dangerous
Although the child is very good in academics, he went to a good university
But when children are struggling to develop their own careers
You can't even fall in love yourself
It gives the impression that one cannot survive without one's mother
In fact, manipulative parents have a common feature
It's that they like to maintain their child's sense of powerlessness
Let the child always feel that it is not enough to leave the parents themselves
Children who grow up in this environment become helpless and dissatisfied
Often in a state of anxiety and timidity, it is difficult to mature
So, what are the common control methods used by manipulative parents?
First, direct control
Such manipulation is very simple and crude
No matter how old the child grows, the mother hopes that he will always listen to himself
The most likely family conflict is the discord between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law
Mothers use various means to make their sons obey them
The daughter-in-law will also try her best to fight for her own life
In the long run, the war between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is inevitable
Serious damage will shake the marital relationship of the children
Second, clever control
Parents hide their true purpose in order to prevent their children from rejecting it
On the surface, it seems to be caring for the child
In fact, they are using their children's guilt to achieve their own ideas
For example, parents want their children to get married as soon as possible
They often say to their children, "I know that you are busy at work, and we can help bring them when we have children in the future!" ”
In fact, the manipulation between people is very normal
But if it becomes long-term control, it is very destructive
Third, helper-type control
No matter how old the children are, parents will take the initiative to help them do something
For example, vegetables are often bought and delivered to children's homes
Or often go to help the child with the housework
Even if you're on a business trip, they want to be able to go with you
When you show that you don't need it, they will complain that you are not filial piety
In short, it is always believed that children cannot do things independently
In the long run, it can destroy a child's confidence in his or her abilities
These are the tools commonly used by manipulative parents
Manipulated children usually have only two paths to go
Either surrender to your parents or choose to rebel
Even if you choose to rebel, your emotions are still firmly controlled by your parents
It can be seen that the nature of manipulative parents is immature
They put their needs first without thinking about their children's feelings
This stems from a strong dissatisfaction within them with their own lives
And the fear of being abandoned
It is also closely related to their original family and married life
Therefore, it is not the children who need to be controlled the most
It's your own heart that can't be put down!