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After eating, he took the child downstairs to play and saw a father yelling at a little boy.
"You can't go, if you don't go, I'll go back by myself!" Dad said to the little boy.
"I want to play a little longer!" The little boy saw that there were many children playing next to him and did not want to go home at all.
The dad seems to have called his child home several times, each time being ruthlessly rejected.
After about 5 minutes, the father was really impatient, yelling at the little boy, "Hurry home, I don't want you if you don't leave!" After saying this, the father walked forward with his own care.
The little boy immediately panicked, threw down the small shovel in his hand, and trotted to catch up with his father and go home.
"I don't want you" or similar words I can often hear, parents around sometimes ask their children to do something is always useless, so parents gradually lose their original patience, come up with their own killer skills.
Just say "I don't want you" to the child and the child can immediately obey.
Believe it or not, do you ever hear something like this?
So why does this phrase work so well? What was going on in the child's heart when the parents said this?
If you can understand your child's inner thoughts in the moment, you may never say this to your child again.
Today, let's analyze the child's inner feelings when they hear this sentence, if you also want to understand the child more, then follow me to look down!
When a child hears the words "I don't want you anymore", there will be 3 changes in his heart
Your child's first instinct is to compromise
In the family parent-child relationship, the child is in a weak position, especially for the young child can not survive independently without the parents.
From infancy to early childhood and even childhood, children basically spend time with their parents, and their words and attitudes are crucial to the influence of children.
Children are inseparable from the care of their parents, there will be a lot of psychological dependence, they are afraid of losing their parents, so if the parents say something threatening, the child will definitely compromise.
This is the case with the little boy above, whose father has spoken to him several times before, but the little boy is still indifferent. Because he thinks that his father just asked him to go home, and if he didn't want to go home, he could refuse.
Until his dad says threatening language like "I don't want you anymore," the child's brain immediately flashes with the idea of "I can't lose dad."
The little boy's immediate action of following his father home is the best reaction and proof, because he knows that only by compromising himself can he continue to have his father, and can he make his heart solid and peaceful.
Children become sensitive and good at perceiving changes in their parents' emotions
Parents' facial expressions and body movements are like barometers that reflect the mood of the moment, and children, although young, are the most sensitive people.
If the parents themselves are emotionally unstable, and the joys and sorrows are often expressed on the face, the child will slowly perceive this change.
For example, if the mother speaks more gently today and often strokes her head, the child will immediately understand that the mother's mood is good today, and the child's mood will also become better.
If the mother always ignores herself today, the expression is very serious, and the mother's appearance looks very frightening, the child can understand that the mother's mood today must be very bad.
Not only the external performance, but also the parents' micro-expressions can be carefully observed, in this case, the child will slowly become sensitive, and his emotions will become unstable.
There is a saying that is very true, when we have a pair of emotionally stable parents, it is the greatest wealth of children.
The way parents solve problems and deal with emotions will be invisibly passed on to the child, and the child will slowly form his own personality and characteristics in the process of watching.
This is the great influence that the original family brings to the child, so if you can please, please do not say to the child that I don't want you.
Children will change their personality and suppress their true selves
What when you show a side that your parents don't want to see?
The child's smart brain will begin to look for ways to make the parents like themselves, hide the real self, and show things that make the parents satisfied.
When children show that their parents are satisfied, they will be praised and praised, and slowly children will ignore their true thoughts and wishes.
Linlin is such a child, she has been sensitive since she was a child, and her parents can detect a little change. In order to let her parents often praise themselves, Linlin gradually realized that only by constantly satisfying her parents' wishes could she get what she wanted.
So she began to cater to her parents, to be a well-behaved child in the eyes of her parents, not to cry or make trouble, to work hard at school, to rarely show unhappiness, and in the eyes of outsiders, she felt that this child had come to repay the favor, and was simply a perfect child.
Now that Linlin has grown up, when it comes to the excellence of her childhood, Linlin herself said that there is perfection in the eyes of outsiders, but she was only a young self at that time, and she learned to hide herself in order to gain the love of her parents.
Although on the surface I am perfect, in fact, only I can know when I am in pain inside.
Because catering to others means losing oneself and abandoning one's own principles, no one will feel good at that moment.
For children, parents are the heaven and earth in their own eyes, and parents lead themselves to read the mountains and rivers and travel the world.
Therefore, the responsibility of parents is great, in addition to the grace of parenting, there is also the responsibility of education and guidance, parents should no longer use your seemingly useful words to stimulate children and bring harm to children.
I am Qiyue Mom, a mother of a three-year-old child, and I hope that some of my parenting experiences can be conveyed to you through the platform to provide a little help for your parenting road! You can follow me to learn and grow together!
I am @Seven Joy Mom, follow me and I talk about parenting easily together!
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