Some time ago I saw a parenting post on the Internet about two old ladies chatting about their children. After having children, the topic of conversation is always impossible to avoid children.
Remember the original post was like this: when they each boasted about how good their daughters and sons were.
One of the old men began to sigh and said, "When people are old, they will attract suspicion, and my children are filial and filial, but they always feel that they are not used to me." I didn't just want to save them a few dollars, when I had time to go outside and pick up a few bottles, she scolded me fiercely, shouldn't I be embarrassed, as for saying such a heavy word? ”
Probably empathy
........
Another old man echoed, "When a child is older, he is not his own." In the past three days, both sides of the phone, open mouth and shut up are 'Mom'. Now, without waiting for me to say a few words, I impatiently say that I am busy at work and hang up the phone."
Alas, shame on you. Just yesterday, because the old lady was picking up the flowerpot and getting the soil on the ground, I was so angry that I wanted to pluck out the flowers. My sensitive old lady had to pack her bags on the spot and did not live in my house.
Now that I think about it, I really shouldn't have been so angry at that time.
Just as the so-called "adopter knows the grace of parents", the older we are, the more mature we should become, and we know more about the hardships of our parents than when we were young.
Especially after having children, we should have a better relationship with our parents. Even if they nag or have some bad habits, they can tolerate and accommodate.
But the reality is that more and more young people are beginning to look down on their parents. The reasons for this are mainly the following, some of which you may not imagine or even realize:
Contradictions and changes: it is easy for children to become overly attached
Some mothers are busy with work because of financial pressure, and the needs of attachment to their children can sometimes be satisfied, and sometimes they are forced to endure the pain of "cutting love"; coupled with the pressure of mothers, their emotions are difficult to stabilize, sometimes they are cold and irritable, and sometimes they take good care of their children.
The child's mindset
Such an environment is difficult to help children build a stable sense of security. Subconsciously, he will think that only by constantly crying can he get the love and attention he needs, and often feel happy, satisfied and angry, sad alternately, and can't help but form a contradictory feeling of love and hate for his mother.
Growing pains
As adults, once these children enter into an intimate relationship, attachment tendencies are evident:
Their demands for intimate contact seem to be endless, often requiring the other party to pay attention to themselves at all times, and it is difficult to tolerate the slightest neglect and cold reception. They habitually use anger, noise and threats to force the opposite sex to care for themselves and meet their psychological needs, and their strong insecurity makes them jealous and suspicious, and no matter how the other person confesses, they cannot really trust each other.
In daily life, mothers should strive to avoid this contradictory and unstable expression of emotions and emotions, give children more affirmation in words and behaviors, and let children know that no matter how busy their mother is, he always has the love of his mother.
Confused, asking too much for children
In some multi-child families, there are often confused parents. Because of their preference for one child, they will appear particularly cold to other children.
In the name of filial piety, the child was often asked for money without restraint, and then all of it was used to subsidize the favored child; the telephone calls to the child at both ends of the three days were not to care for them, but to arrange difficult tasks one after another, so that they could do everything they could to help the favored child.
But the slightest revolt of a child will cause them to be dissatisfied. He even tried to slander his children among his relatives and friends in an attempt to kidnap them with morality. And the most infuriating thing is that the more filial the children, the less they are invited to see.
Although children who know how to be grateful will always think of the good of their parents, they will never worry about the evil of their parents. But people's hearts are all flesh, always treated coldly, and children will also be cold.
Too much control, too much interference
Out of the instinct to love their children, or out of the fear of abandonment due to the difficulty of controlling their own lives, and the excessive attachment to their children, some mothers have a deep desire to completely control their children's behavior and cannot bear to be separated from their children for a moment.
Such situations are particularly prone to distance for children. They were not afraid to be close, but they were always careful to keep themselves away from others; they allowed their mother to hold, but at the same time always twisted their faces to the side and did not let mother kiss. Because they are afraid that being too close will make them unable to escape from their mother's control.
After the distance from the child is adult, it is easy to form an avoidant personality. They subconsciously avoid family life through various methods:
Busy with work for a long time, prefer work that often travels, or always bury your head in reading, reading newspapers, and watching TV.
They need their own space, they like the kind of free-coming and going relationships that come and go the most, and when the spouse tries to maintain a state of intimacy, or has further needs, they immediately back off and even get angry: "Why are you endless?" You're asking for too much. ”
Everyone should have their own life, you and the child "dependent on each other" is only temporary, taking the child as their "little lover" will only make themselves and the child feel an invisible bondage.
But if your parents haven't treated you lightly, don't be disgusted with the clumsiness, nagging, and decades of little habits of their minds that can't keep up with the times.
Parents are here, life still has a place to come, parents go, life is only the way home. The train of years does not stop for anyone, parents really have the day of old age.
Every child with filial piety, please do not forget the brevity of life, the fragility of life. Some things can be remedied, but filial piety cannot be repaired. Don't wait for your parents to leave, and leave yourself with regrets that you can never compensate!
I'll share it here today, and I hope this article will give you a little inspiration.
If you have a good story about parenting, feel free to leave a message to share.
Cherish every day's life and every harvest, and make a little progress every day!
Thank you for your support and encouragement
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