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In a complete family, the father and the mother play different roles, as the saying goes, the father loves like a mountain, this sentence actually expresses the father's position in the family, especially in family education, the role and position occupied by the father are more intolerable.
Although father's love and maternal love are indispensable to children, father's love is different from maternal love, and father's love is usually not particularly obvious, but silently loves his children in a silent way.
Unlike fatherly love, mothers have a strong sense of presence in the process of their children's growth.
Because women's feelings are more delicate, more patient with their children, and know how to understand, mothers usually occupy a more important position in the growth process of their children, and it is easier to become the primary object of their children's talk and acquisition of emotions.
The famous educationalist Karl Witte once made it clear: "The beginning of a good education lies in having a virtuous wife." ”
To some extent, this sentence tells us that in a family, the character and status of the wife usually affect and determine the growth of the child. In general, the higher the status of the mother, the more beneficial it is to the child's development.
Li Meijin, a well-known psychologist on the mainland and professor at the Chinese Min Public Security University, confirmed the above view with an example from her own side. At a class reunion of Professor Li, I met two old classmates who had a good relationship before, and here we call them Classmate A and Classmate B.
Before the party began, Classmate A was dressed in a variety of big-name costumes, wearing various gemstone jewelry, and holding a limited edition handbag, and the mobile phone was also the most expensive style offline, with the rhythmic sound of high heels, Classmate A paced into the banquet hall.
With the arrival of classmate A, everyone's eyes were focused on her body, and after a period of greeting, everyone learned that Classmate A was dressed in luxurious clothes. It was her husband who specially prepared it for her, and he was showing off his husband's financial strength inside and out.
Just when Classmate A was slightly ironically communicating with Classmate B, a phone call came in, and although Classmate A did not turn on the speakerphone, almost everyone heard the loud rebuke on the other end of the phone.
At this time, Classmate A instantly lost the momentum just now, and even nodded his head to the person on the other side of the phone. After hanging up the phone, she said that she had some urgent matters at home to go back to first, and then hurried away.
Compared with classmate A, classmate B is completely different from her, classmate B is dressed very plainly, but it gives people a very comfortable feeling, her behavior is generous and decent, and when talking with other students, she is also whispering, very polite, and there is no exaggerated or ostentatious performance.
For the "ridicule" of classmate A, classmate B did not care at all, but laughed and did not mean anything.
In the process of the party, Professor Li learned from other classmates that in fact, the status of classmate A in the family is very low, and her husband is a very successful businessman with a tough personality, so the "Mrs. Kuo" in the eyes of everyone is actually not in a good situation at home.
Moreover, the son of classmate A does not obey her discipline, and even does not take her seriously, which is a typical rich second generation personality.
After graduating from college, classmate B formed a very happy family with her husband, both graduated from the same university, both are high-level intellectuals, and their children are also very educated, not only in school, but also in various aspects showed better ability than children of the same age.
Different mothers have different ways of educating
Professor Li also pointed out that different parents have different ways of education, especially there are great differences between mothers' education methods.
High-level mothers know how to take it step by step and find the most suitable way to educate their children. For example, highly educated mothers will teach their children in a heuristic way, rather than imposing their own ideas on their children. Mothers are also divided into different levels of their children's education. First, knowledge does not really measure whether a mother is qualified. The connotation is even more important for the mother.
The so-called connotation includes the way of receiving people and treating things and the understanding of social reality, and there are many mothers who have not received a high level of education, and they can clearly understand all kinds of big things and small things in life.
Secondly, after having connotations, we must pay attention to our own words and deeds, and most of the mother's education for her children is actually taught by word and deed.
As a mother, you should clearly know that your behavior will fall into the eyes of your child all the time, so you must show your most literate side in front of your child.
Finally, when educating children, mothers must master good metrics, and a qualified and excellent mother will not impose her own thoughts on her children, nor will she force her children to do things according to their own wishes, because they believe that their children will not do anything beyond the line.
In short, in a family, the position of the mother will play a decisive role in the development of the child.
- The End -
Author | Tommy
Edit | Rain
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参考资料：Bruk, A., Scholl, S. G., & Bless, H. (2018). Beautiful mess effect: Self–other differences in evaluation of showing vulnerability. Journal of personality and social psychology, 115(2), 192-205