In "The Little Prince", it is said that words are the root of all misunderstandings.
A sentence can make a person's mood fall to the bottom, a sentence can also make a person regain strength, never underestimate the power of language, especially when speaking to children.
If the language is used well, it is a spring breeze that warms the heart of the child; if it is not used well, it can also become a knife that hurts people.
There are no parents in the world who do not love their children, but they use the wrong language to express their good intentions, and they change their taste.
It's probably hard for parents to realize how much your casual words will affect their children.
The following 5 sentences hurt the child the most, please don't say it again.
01
A vicious evaluation of appearance
"Good fat", "so short", "so thin", "ugly hair", "ugly clothes", such words, don't say children, adults will feel harsh and can't stand it.
Sometimes adults may just be joking, but the speaker is unintentional, and the listener is intentional.
As psychologist Susan Foward said:
Children do not distinguish between facts and jokes, they believe what their parents say about themselves and turn them into their own ideas.
The movie "My ID is Gangnam-No-Mi"tells such a story.
Mei Lai was a little fat girl when she was a child, because of her appearance, she has been suffering from school bullying since she was a child.
Being ridiculed as a "fat pig", confessing to a boy she likes is "humiliated", even if she loses weight, she is still just a slim "ugly girl", and her biggest wish is: become ordinary, not too ugly.
Her appearance exhausted her, so she decided to get a facelift.
No one doesn't care about their looks, we have to tell the child that you have your own uniqueness and cuteness, and it is actually more important to help him discover his own strengths.
In this way, the child will not spend too much time on struggling with his appearance, and have more energy and time for more important things.
02
Blindly emphasizing "I am for your own good"
"How hard I worked for you"!
Many parents often say this to their children:
I save money and run around, am I easy?
I'm tired and tired all to feed you, if it wasn't for you, I...
In front of the child, complaining and nagging about his hard work, sometimes the original intention is to let the child study well and do things well.
But the child is still young, and he can't think of so much.
Behind this kind of for you, the subtext is actually: I could have been less hard, but you dragged me down, and this is all your responsibility.
Where can children whose minds are not yet mature can afford the responsibilities that their parents push them?
Over time, the child's heart will become heavy, and he wants to run away from his parents, or use some rebellious behavior to resist.
No matter how hard we raise our babies, don't kidnap children with a sense of sacrifice.
03
Unhealthy contrasts
There is a passage that is very heartfelt: every child has a natural enemy from an early age, that is, "someone else's child".
I believe that many children have lived or are living in such a shadow.
In "The Boy Says", a girl plucked up the courage to climb to the roof and shouted her heart words loudly to the following classmates and her mother:
"There's a guy who has a decathlon, he's good at everything, he's somebody else's kid."
"My mother always said that you have such poor grades, why would she be friends with you?"
"Children are not only good for other people's families."
"Why have you never seen my efforts?"
In her family, there was a "child of someone else's family." The first in the class, the first in the whole grade, the first in the whole school, and even the first in the whole league is her girlfriend.
Because of poor sports, her parents completely denied the past achievements and efforts of this girl with excellent character and learning. Even if the daughter ended up in tears and said that she was not suitable for fighting education, her mother was still unmoved.
If children are not recognized for a long time, they will only double their inferiority and eventually become habitual self-denial.
Adults are often self-righteous, and they do not think that young teenagers see more clearly than anyone else and know more than anyone.
Zheng Yuanjie said: Often irritate him with people who are stronger than children, this kind of language is the most striking and destructive, and it is the ace quote that destroys the child.
Stimulation does not stimulate the child's progress, do not judge the child, do not contrast, accept his original appearance, tap his shining point, is the source and motivation for him to continue to make progress.
04
Threat abandonment
"If you don't obey me anymore, I won't want you", I found that the frequency of this sentence is also quite high.
We often see some mothers saying things like this to their children:
"If you lose it again, someone else will take your toy and play with it."
"If you don't eat it again, Daddy will eat it"
"If you don't go, I'll go"
"If you don't obey any more, I won't care about you."
"If you're still like this, I'll tell your dad"
I believe that many mothers have said such things to their children, we are not perfect parents, in the face of their children's unreasonable teasing, always inadvertently blurt out these words.
On the surface, we seem to solve the child's "problem of the moment", but do you know how harmful these words are to the child's body and mind?
A mother backstage told this story:
During the day, she took the child to take the bus, the child was a little noisy, she said angrily: "If you do this again, your mother will not want you!" He also pretended to get out of the car.
The child listened, immediately sat up straight, pulled the corner of his mother's clothes and quieted down.
At night, the child suddenly woke up from his sleep and cried that he was afraid that his mother would not want her.
At that moment, she knew how much harm the jokes she said during the day had caused to the child.
Therefore, no matter what the situation, do not say to the child such things as "I don't love you anymore" and "I don't want you anymore".
05
Verbal insults "really useless, really stupid"
I know that there is a hot topic: what is the experience of being often scolded by parents as "you are useless"?
The highest praise answer is heart-wrenching:
When I was a child, when my parents called me "really useless" and "too stupid", my heart and my body were twitching.
Then listening to it made my heart ache, I was numb when I was in pain, and now I really became a useless person.
Everyone has a need for respect and self-actualization, especially for children.
The American psychologist Rosenthalyu once did an experiment: 3 students from each class of a school with a total of 18 people were drawn, and then told the principal: "These 18 students have been scientifically determined to be all IQ-type talents." ”
Half a year later, the results of these 18 students did exceed those of the average person, and later, these 18 students all achieved extraordinary results in different positions.
This experiment tells us:
By conveying the message "you are excellent" to children, it will greatly stimulate their self-confidence and guide them to the path to success.
In fact, every child has their own unique shining point, parents should be good at discovering, and give timely encouragement and support, in order to let them emit the most dazzling light.
For the aspects that children do not do well, we must not blindly crack down, but to help children analyze problems and solve problems.
Only in this way will they become more and more confident and better.
06
Words are not believed
Promises to children are never kept.
Chen Meiling, who sent her three sons to Stanford, mentioned an important point when talking about her experience in raising children: Don't lie to your children.
She said: "Parents don't lie to their children, for example, if you promise him to go to the park tomorrow to play football, you have to go no matter how tired you are. If a child does not believe in people, he will be lonely all his life. ”
Often coax children, but they can't do it themselves, and the child's expectations are disappointed, and that kind of taste is definitely uncomfortable.
And when parents overdraft their children's trust in themselves again and again, and then want to save it, they will make up for it, and it is too late.
Some people say that living in their 30s is strange, and many of the words that their parents said to themselves when they were young have forgotten. But those words of blowing, mocking, and sarcasm have become more and more difficult to let go with the years, like a scar, and occasionally it still hurts.
Sometimes, the most hurtful thing is not a personal attack, but verbal violence. Physical damage will heal over time, but spiritual damage is difficult to smooth out.
Parents must not cause a lifetime of harm to their children because of the lack of cover for a while.