The child playing with the phone this thing "said and did not listen!" "Is it possible that you dare not take care of it?"

To break the interaction mode of "talking and not listening", parents must first respect the rules, be patient, and not discouraged.

Sven-speaking Denin has an unruly 13-year-old son.

The son is quite assertive, although the opinion always carries the child's ignorance and fearlessness, which is especially reflected in playing mobile phones.

When I get home from school and don't write my homework, I play with my phone first- "Tired for a day, can't you first soothe it?" "Danin thinks, he goes to work one day, isn't that also the case?"

Look at your phone while writing your homework – "What about questions that don't work?" I don't want to be empty, I have to discuss with my classmates On WeChat, and I have to check the information. "Tanning thinks, understands, everyone communicates, and really needs a mobile phone.

After writing homework, continue to look at the phone - "How can you happily say goodbye to the boredom and boredom of this day without playing games?" Danning gritted his teeth while nagging: "Take care of the eyes, the eyes are broken, what to do?" You can only watch for 30 minutes before going to bed, do you hear it? This rule must be adhered to. Helplessly, he went back to his room to prepare for washing and cleaning.

The husband left work late, only entered the house at 11 o'clock, saw the ghostly blue light emitted by the mobile phone in his son's room, and the long helplessness forced him to shout: "Still not sleeping? Look at your phone again and see I didn't smash your phone! ”

In terms of managing mobile phones, many parents face the helplessness of difficult to implement rules.

"Don't listen, yin and yang, every time the tube is tired."

"Now that I'm older, I won't let you play with your phone, so you just shout at me — don't go to school!"

"Talk well, don't listen, and in the end it's all a scolding, but the cycle starts and always goes around the question."

What went wrong? Parents tend to think that their children are too difficult to get, but in the eyes of their children, it may be a different situation.

Family therapists have found that in families where it is difficult to enforce the rules, smart children gain a sense of certainty from their interactions with their parents: Mom and Dad are just talking, don't look at the voice so big, the expression is so serious, as long as they "say it or don't listen", they will always be discouraged.

It is not uncommon for parents who have to give up on this kind of "talking or not listening".

Psychologists have found that more children now care less about their parents' instructions or have something to do with their parents' inner compensation than traditional parenting when they are afraid of their parents and afraid of authority.

"I don't want to be too real with my children, I'm afraid of hurting my children, I'm afraid that my children are too obedient." Denning said that she has been obedient and honest since childhood, so she hopes that her son will live a different life. Don't listen to your own words so much, it is Danning's unspoken expectations, but in the subtle between the subtle understanding of his son.2

In fact, having an opinion and listening to instructions are not the two extremes of the same thing. Both psychology and pedagogy believe that following parental instructions has the meaning of adaptation, and in the process of following rules and authority, children gain a sense of control over the environment and develop the ability to self-manage. Not taking the words of parents seriously seems to encourage children to develop independently, but throwing children into false self-righteousness, lacking the necessary guidance, and losing the opportunity to understand the ideas of others.

Some parents are afraid that being too strict will make their children hate themselves. Too much emphasis on the child's love, so that parents dare not face the "hate" and "fear" in the relationship.

In fact, children cannot only love their parents, there must be other complex emotions, this is because children need to rely on their parents to grow up, they are not equal. For parents, children have attachment, love, but also accompanied by fear and pain, which is this complex emotion that makes children willing to do things that make parents happy, and do not want to do things that make parents unhappy. This is precisely the starting point where education can take effect. Of course, this is not the end of education - in the end, parents need to re-educate on dependence, so that children understand that what makes parents happy is not to please, but to be sensible, to know what actions may create what consequences, and how to think about problems and solve problems.

Child psychology researchers have found that one of the main reasons for the lack of rules of reverence in children is related to coddling, unconditionally satisfying children's desires and putting children in the only important position has become the tone of parenting. Another reason has to do with the current complex educational trend. Some parents and educators agree with Rousseau's idea of naturalistic education that it is best not to interfere with the growth of children by cultivating an innocent soul. This kind of thinking ignores the child's lack of experience and ability, and refusing to restrict the child's behavior will also lay a bitter fruit later on – parents are more likely to feel frustrated and powerless in the face of the adolescent child's ignorant and growing self-power.

This is an era that belongs to mobile phones, but in the stage of adolescent growth, the lack of reasonable guidance from adults, the lifestyle of immersing themselves in the virtual world for a long time will harm children's physical development and hinder them from exploring a more diverse world. Helping children learn to manage mobile phone use is already the responsibility of parents at present.

Therapists of family interaction believe that to break the interaction mode of "talking and not listening", parents must first respect the rules, be patient, and not discouraged.

Set rules before using the phone and strictly enforce them. Say no, no problem, go over, gently remind the child with actions, take the mobile phone, encourage the child to do something other interesting, it is really not OK, let the child experience the consequences of not following the rules - confiscate the mobile phone for a week and so on.

To do this, the hardest thing at the beginning is for parents to have the courage to break the old pattern: dare to meet a storm with love and determination? The good news is that some parents are finding that when they really patiently and firmly enforce the rules, they don't encounter the storm they imagined and things are going in a good direction.