1. My wife is the only daughter in the family, usually spending a lot of money, and my pressure every month is very large. The old man smiled and listened to my complaints, picked up a raw egg and put it on the table, and the egg rolled on the ground

1. My wife is the only daughter in the family, usually spending a lot of money, and my pressure every month is very large.

The old man smiled and listened to my complaint, picked up a raw egg and put it on the table, and the egg rolled on the ground and shattered!

The old man picked up another one to do the same...

When I picked up the third egg, I suddenly realized: I understand, you are saying that only a hard-boiled egg can stand up.

The old man spat out a smoke ring kindly: I mean if you don't want to live with my daughter, you immediately get out of my house!

2. The nephew accompanied his wife to visit RT-Mart, and when he came out, he met his brother and went to the Construction Bank to withdraw money.

The nephew followed and was despised by his wife.

After the brother arrived: take 800 million.

His wife looked at her brother in surprise, glanced at the balance, and then immediately apologized to her brother.

Afterwards, the nephew patted his wife's shoulder and said: Now you believe it, Daddy's money will be ours sooner or later.

3. I am sensitive skin, afraid of mosquito bites, bitten by mosquitoes, not good for a month.

Today back in the countryside, my mother saw me lying on the sofa and asleep after lunch, so she lit four mosquito coils around me.

Seriously, the mosquito coil effect is really good, and not a single mosquito has appeared.

If my mother hadn't woken me up later, I might never have woken up!

4. I scored 600 points in the college entrance examination and went to the best university in Shanghai.

The head of our dormitory is particularly thin, 185 in height and weighs only 110 pounds.

Today we went to donate blood together, and those who have donated blood know that after donating blood, yogurt bread and the like will be distributed.

When it was the turn of the head of the room, the doctor looked at him and said, "You donate blood?" ”

The head of the room was angry: "Why don't I donate blood?" ”

The doctor was silent for a moment and said, "Young man, if you want to eat, take it yourself, take it and leave quickly, when it is time to eat fat and come again." ”

5. When I reached the solid line of the intersection guide line, I saw the street light for 10 seconds.

I thought I could pass, so I accelerated, and when I reached the stop line, I found that I couldn't go over, so I stomped to death.

Then I heard a large truck behind me also making a loud braking sound.

The son said, "Mom, isn't it dangerous for you to brake so hard?" ”

I said, "If you run a red light, you'll be deducted 6 points!" ”

The son said dismissively: "Buckle it, deduct 6 points, don't you still have 94 points!" ”

6. I saw a lame middle-aged man on the pedestrian street, followed by a 5-year-old child.

Looking at their pity, I took out 100 bucks and prepared to give them.

I asked the child: When did your father's leg become lame?

The little boy said: Every morning at eight o'clock on time to cripple!

7. After getting the acceptance letter from a prestigious university, tuition fees have become the biggest problem.

In order to be able to successfully enroll, I went to Shenzhen from a small mountain village to work and earn money.

After work at 8 o'clock tonight, I called my mother: "Mom, what are you doing?" ”

Mom: "Earn money, save money for your tuition." ”

My eyes burst into tears and a few drops fell.

At this moment, a voice came from the other side: "Don't move, is it a second cake?" Hurrah! ”

8. The eldest brother's girlfriend is 8 years old this year, beautiful and cute and can also play the piano.

Today I went to his house to play and saw a pennant hanging on the wall, which read: "Bitter and sweet", four big characters.

I asked the eldest brother: Which contest did she participate in to get this pennant?

Big brother: Two days ago, the girl finally played a decent piano sound, and the neighbor uncle downstairs was very touched and had to send a pennant.

9. I work in an electronics factory in Suzhou, and I will be fined 100 yuan for being late.

Therefore, this morning I saw that the time was too late, and decisively rode a shared bicycle to run a red light.

As a result, I was hit by a BMW that grabbed the yellow light and flew 5 meters, and when I was in the air, I thought that I must be finished in this life.

After a minute, I sat up in a trance and said, "Where am I?" ”

A vendor said to me, "Sir, local map, 5 bucks a piece!" ”

10. A man went to the self-service cash machine to withdraw money after drinking 3 pounds of two pot heads, but the card was "swallowed" by the ATM machine because of the operation error.

The man very calmly picked up the second pot in his hand and poured wine into the ATM machine.

Someone asked doubtfully, "What are you doing pouring wine into?"

The man said impatiently: "Fool, drink too much and it will spit out!" ”

#Funny##Funny Humor Anecdotes##搞笑段子 #