Today the landlady asked me out for a drink, because my alcohol intake is particularly good, so ten bottles of beer under the belly, people are not dizzy, not dizzy. Several times the landlady tried to attack me, but couldn't find it

Today the landlady asked me out for a drink, because my alcohol intake is particularly good, so ten bottles of beer under the belly, people are not dizzy, not dizzy. Several times the landlady tried to attack me, but didn't find the opportunity. Finally, the landlady ran out of patience and directly proposed non-divisional ideas to me, but I was completely uninterested. I told her a pair, if you are right, you want to get my appeal, I am acceptable. I said: "Looking back on the past, it is like a dream, but I don't know that I am a guest in my dream, I am greedy and happy, and I am tired of beautiful people for no reason!" Falling flowers? How can you remember that you are delusional or unintentional, heaven and earth? The landlady was immediately confused: "So long? Who can come up to you? ”

2. My lively cousin sent me a message early in the morning saying that she had allergies on her face and I taught her how to take care of her. She said she couldn't go out, she was beaten last night, I asked her why, she said that because her face was red and swollen, it scared her mother. Also beaten? My aunt was a little unreasonable ~ My cousin said: "Can't blame my mother, blame me for frightening my brother didn't say that I was allergic, said that I was going to die." ”

3. Taking the train home, a middle-aged man across from me suddenly caught my attention. He was well dressed, and his slightly stubbley face left a few traces of age. His eyes were melancholy, sometimes quietly looking out the window, as if he were thinking about life; sometimes his eyes were slightly closed, letting his tired body have a moment's rest. Based on years of social behavior research, I can be sure that his phone should not have much electricity.

4. Every time the son comes home from school, he wants to play, and his mother forces him to finish his homework first. Once, after the father came back from work, he saw his son alone in the room sullen. Dad asked: Son, what's wrong with you? The son was very aggrieved and said: Dad, introduce you to a girlfriend. Dad said with great interest: Who? Son: My homeroom teacher, but beautiful. Dad asked: Why did you introduce me to me? The son said pitifully: In the future, I will not write homework, and my mother dares to scold me, so you will mention breaking up.

5. The elementary school teacher introduced me to a girlfriend, and as soon as I saw that it was super pretty, I agreed. The teacher patted me on the shoulder, smiled and said: You married her, I think it is a word, worth it! I laughed haha: Why? Teacher: She can not only be your wife, but also your bodyguard, because she is a taekwondo black belt. My face was black when I heard it, and such a wife would dare to either...

6. Before the blind date, I asked my cousin to tell me about my blind date experience, cousin: Now many girls cosmetics left layer right layer of paint can be called changing faces, removing makeup to scare people to death, you can keep your eyes open so as not to regret it in the future! I nodded solemnly after listening. Seeing the blind date brother at a glance I was fascinated, fresh and unworldly eyes and teeth, chatting will see that the sister is also quite satisfied with me, suddenly remembered my cousin's words, I decided to try it. I didn't expect the sister to leave without saying a word, and there was not much to introduce the person Liu Dajie called and shouted: If you are not satisfied, pull down, take the water to splash other people's girls What is the girl doing?

7. When I was a child, I watched a lot of spy movies and always wanted to have a toy gun of my own. After my father bought it for me, he would imitate the plot himself. Felt particularly handsome! Once, when the flag was raised on Monday, the girl in front of me suddenly fainted from low blood sugar. I instantly fell to the ground shouting that there were snipers, and a group of people all fell down. At that moment, I became the most important person in the whole school, and the principal still remembers me. Three years on, my legend still lives on in the school.

8. Working as a physical education teacher in a high school, I accidentally got the principal's beautiful daughter pregnant with my child and fired the squid. Later, my father took a lot of effort to send me to Foxconn to work. In the dormitory at night, a colleague put a fart, and after a while, I also put one. Another colleague said, "What are you two talking about there?" Had such a great chat! "Then, my ass friend and I jointly fattened him up.

  #Funny# #搞笑段子 #