1． My colleague asked me to play her boyfriend, to cope with the blind date at home, after dinner, her father took me alone to a room, took out a 1 million cash, and I immediately said: "Uncle."

1． Colleagues asked me to play her boyfriend, to cope with the family blind date, after dinner, her father took me alone to a room, took out a 1 million cash, I immediately said: "Uncle, I understand what you mean, I will leave your daughter, but you don't tell her, I think she is more acceptable." The uncle said: "No, young man, you think too much, I want to say that you are married, this 1 million is the dowry, provided that you cherish her." "After saying that I was immediately asked to collect the money, I looked at 1 million, thinking about his 150 pound daughter, a little confused.

2． Yesterday Bought a chicken home to stew chicken soup to drink, and my three-year-old son has been watching from the side curiously. I took a knife in my hand and closed my throat, then threw the chicken on the ground and let it bleed. As a result, the chicken threw away his son in blood, and the son was so frightened that he ran and cried and ran out of the gate. I was afraid he would fall, so I quickly chased him out. As a result, as soon as I came out of the gate, I was kicked down by my daughter-in-law, and only later did I know that my daughter-in-law saw me chasing my son with a kitchen knife and thought I was going to cut my son!

3. The niece of the sister-in-law's family is about the same age as the son, and the son goes to her aunt's house for two days on weekends. When he sent it back on Sunday, his aunt said with a flying eyebrow: This child is so naughty! Turn your home to the sky! I wondered: I'm glad to see you. His aunt: Can you not be happy! Turned over his uncle's private money and found me more than two thousand! I subconsciously touched my pockets, thankfully I carried them with me!

4. In the morning, I quarreled with the landlady, she drew a turtle on my face during my nap, pulled on her mosquito net at night, kicked me awake in the middle of the night to scratch her itch, it seems that soft rice hard to eat and I have no reason, there is no way who makes our situation embarrassing! Now the economy is sluggish, there are very few companies that are running well, and it is naturally difficult to find jobs, although I have a strong chef's qualification, but I still can't escape the fate of eating soft rice. Although the boss is a little older, but Xu Niang's semi-old charm is still there, people are not bad, or I did not recognize the reality, now a lot of new people in the company are waiting for the position, I still converge a little. Fight for a night without sleeping, scratch her itch, I thought I would be rewarded in the morning, but I was beaten up again, she blamed me for scratching her, other places are fine, mainly on the face can not see people ah! Now it's good, the great listed company, I am alone in management, and there is no one to share it for me, it is really deserved! I shouldn't have made a fuss with her in the first place, and I would have eaten soft rice hard to see the devil!

5． After work late at night, I came home to see my wife sitting on the stairs in the doorway. My heart warmed, and I went forward to hug her and said painfully: Baby, I am still waiting for me so late, don't do this in the future. The wife snorted and said: No, the old woman came out to take out the garbage, and accidentally locked herself outside. I jokingly thought to myself: I knew it would cool you down a little longer.

6. Today the cousin is very handsome, and I heard my aunt say that I will go to the woman's house to meet the parents in the afternoon. When they arrived at their house, their cousin put Chinese tobacco and sea blue wine on the table. The woman's father said, "Boy, let's play with the landlord, idle is also idle." The cousin said, "No problem uncle." The woman's father: "Three rooms with one hall!" "My cousin's heart is bitter, and he knows that this matter is not as beautiful as he thinks!"

7. My wife has her own company, I am still a worker, I think she is blind! Sure enough, my mother also asked her that day: Alas, you are so powerful, how can you look up to my son? The wife said: Like my conditions, anyway, whoever marries you have to rely on yourself. It is better to marry him and rescue this elderly young man who is almost thirty years old and has been on a blind date no less than fifty times!

 8. Take the car home during the holidays, sitting next to me is a beautiful woman, racking her brains along the way to think about how to talk, but I don't know how to open my mouth. Seeing that I was about to arrive at the station, I was anxious to sit still, at this time my sister glanced at me and said: I am about to arrive at the station, don't worry, there is a toilet at the station.

#Funny GIF# #Funny Funny Paragraph#