1, last night's company party, female colleagues drunk, I drove her home. Carry her to bed and see that her coat is stained with wine, so I am going to take her coat off! Just pulled open the zipper, she

1, last night's company party, female colleagues drunk, I drove her home. Carry her to bed and see that her coat is stained with wine, so I am going to take her coat off! Just as she pulled open the zipper, her mother pushed the door and saw it. I hurriedly explained, "Auntie, I...", and her mother smiled and closed the door: "It's all right, you continue!"

2, one night I drunk taxi back to the public security department, the fare of 18 yuan, to the driver 50 yuan, the driver saw that I was drunk, he asked me for 2 yuan, I was drunk to see the driver, the driver asked me: how much did you give me? I said 100 yuan, and the driver immediately said: Obviously it is 50 yuan. I looked at him again, and he looked for 30 bucks. I was still drunk and misty looking at him, and after an hour the driver cried, I thought that I had time anyway, just when the car woke up drunk, the provincial home wife did not open the door and was scolded!

3. Every time I take the subway to commute to work, there are always some uncles and aunts in the carriage who chat loudly. A big aunt said that she listened to others chatting on the subway the other day and talked about a subway villa real estate. She also went to see it out of curiosity, but she didn't expect to order it on the spot, and now the house price has almost doubled. I thought to myself, what's so strange about this. Some time ago, I also heard about the discount on eggs in the supermarket on the subway, and now my refrigerator is still stuffed.

4. My father-in-law was killed by a local tycoon who drove a Rolls-Royce, and the local tycoon gave 75,000,000 yuan in compensation. After the 50-year-old mother-in-law received the compensation, she turned into a rich woman and found a 25-year-old little fresh meat boyfriend. After becoming pregnant, the mother-in-law drove out the newly purchased BMW, and later her stomach was uncomfortable. Immediately a sharp brake, then stop and open the window to vomit. Just then a spirit boy riding an electric car passed by and looked at his mother-in-law in disbelief. Say: What a god man, this is his own driving motion sickness??

5, I asked my sister: as long as you invest more than 100,000 yuan, you can do nothing, stay at home and receive an annual salary, ranging from 300,000 to 100,000, and also eat and live in a house! Dry or not? Sister: What kind of good project? I replied: Marry you off! My sister asked suspiciously: Why do you want me to spend 100,000 yuan when I get married? I smirked: Can you get married without plastic surgery?

6. When I was in college, I fell in love with beautiful flowers. On Sundays, when classes were not attended, I asked for a swim in the swimming pool with flowers, keeping my eyes on her. She was swimming and suddenly drowning, and I took advantage of this great opportunity to give her artificial respiration, and later she became my wife. Today, I was sorting out my old belongings and suddenly found a certificate of honor from my wife, the winner of the city swimming competition, and I was messy at the time!

7. Take the bus to work today, and there are no seats when you get on the bus. I said to a big aunt next to me, "Big mom, I'll help you up!" The aunt said, "No thanks, boy!" I said, "Auntie, you're welcome, this is what we young people should do!" The aunt looked at me with contempt and said, "Young man, you really don't want face, and grabbing a seat with the elderly means that you should sit?" ”

8, what is the use of high education, doctoral studies have been read, or no girlfriend. Listen to the matchmaker, the other party is a rich second generation, but the academic qualifications are only high school. When he arrived at the agreed place, the man said directly and proudly: My father is the vice president of the top 500, and I am now working in his Jin Mao Building. I looked at him faintly and said dismissively: Cut, the eunuch is still working in the Forbidden City!

9, after graduating from college, my girlfriend wants to study in the United States for a year, although she is very reluctant, but she does not want to block her girlfriend's future. Before leaving, I made a necklace for my girlfriend to wear, and the pendant was a Jesus cross. My girlfriend looked at me very puzzled and asked, "What do you do with this, I'm atheist." I smiled, looked at my girlfriend and said, "You put it on someone else and you know you have the Lord." ”

10. Last night, I took my three-and-a-half-year-old nephew for a walk in the park, and suddenly I saw a small couple kissing. My nephew asked me, "Uncle, what are they doing?" I said: They're putting on a show. Tonight the community came to a troupe to perform a program, and the host sister in the middle said: Are there any audience friends willing to come up and perform a program to help everyone entertain? The nephew ran up and down, and then wrapped up the host's sister for a kiss.

11. The old sister of that year, how to say in school is also a flower, fascinated by thousands of beautiful boys. But now the elder sister has entered the grave of love, and the weight is growing day by day. That day, my brother-in-law came to our house for dinner, and my father pulled my brother-in-law to drink a few drinks, and as a result, my brother-in-law's alcohol intake was not enough. He put his arm around his father and said, "Dude, I'm going to return the goods, your daughter has only been fat for a few years." After saying that, I suddenly swept to the side of the shock and said: It is okay to change the goods! The next day, looking at the expressionless old sister, there was only one sentence left: I drank too much, and I didn't know anything.

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