Two days ago, I saw a question on the Internet:
What was the biggest change that happened to you after you got married?
One of the high-ranking people replied that it said:
"The heart has hardened, it has become fierce, it is a sheep before marriage, and a wolf after marriage."
Some say that bad marriages are like a melting pot that burns away the pure, tender, and soft parts of human nature and replaces them with resentment, calculation, and misery.
That's why so many people sigh: After getting married, how can I seem to have changed as a person?
How vicious can a person be in marriage?
After killing his wife
He said I really loved her
How hypocritical can a man be when he is fierce?
When you have an asthma attack, he can pretend to soothe you while emptying your life-saving pills;
When you go to bed, he can thoughtfully hand you a glass of milk, but add an excessive dose of drugs to the milk that can induce heart disease;
When you're sad, he can be affectionate one second and push you off a cliff the next.
This is the plot of the recently aired film "Jiang Zhao Dawn".
Although the story is fictional, we can all find familiar shadows, such as the murder of wives and the case of the thai pregnant woman falling off a cliff...
Not long ago, Xu Guoli, the murderer of the hangzhou wife-killing case, declared his innocence.
On January 25, 2022, Xu Guoli appealed.
He believes that "the facts found in the first instance are unclear and the evidence is insufficient, and the second instance trial should change the verdict of acquittal".
This is reminiscent of the first trial, when he "burst into tears" in court, saying that he really loved his wife.
"I really love her, but I also hate her, and that's the only way to fix it."
Can one person's feelings for another person be so complicated?
Taking a step back, perhaps there was indeed love in the past.
After all, the murdered lady Lai not only bore him children, but also his first love when he was young.
But this love has long since deteriorated unconsciously.
David Wallett says:
"All love stories are ghost stories. In marriage, all love can be transformed into murder. ”
The most terrible thing in marriage is that the two people who were originally united by love can go from young love to look at each other, and even transform into murderous intentions.
Is another synonym for marriage "no one survives"?
In case the husband betrays
I gave him impotence
Keigo Higashino has a satirical short story called "The Medicine of Incompetence.")
It mainly tells the story of a research institute that has created a drug in the wrong way that can make people unable to get an erection within 24 hours.
The researchers thought that the drug could not be sold for profit, but they did not expect that the drug was sold out by Japanese housewives in order to "repair" the husband of the flower.
This was originally just the plot of the novel, but in reality, there are really wives who do the same.
Before someone broke out, there is an online store selling a magical "drug", for safety reasons, the name of the drug is not left.
Online stores selling the drug said that giving men the drug will lead to reduced libido, erection difficulties, and damage sexual function, thus achieving the effect of "curing betrayal".
In the message of this store, you will find a lot of "dangerous statements":
"It started to work the next week, and my husband is now at home."
"I'm here for this family too, don't blame me."
"I can't keep your heart, I can only keep your people around, although my happy life is gone, but it is worth it." 」
I saw a man comment after seeing this news:
"The most poisonous woman's heart!" Don't give it to others, don't use it yourself! ”
Although some people echoed him, they felt that these wives had gone too far, which was already suspected of committing a crime.
But more people are not worth it for these wives.
One of the wives also appeared and said:
"I've had that thought too.
I was still breastfeeding two and a half months after giving birth, my husband betrayed, and at that time I had the heart to kill him, and my mind was full of dark and unsightly thoughts.
I also learned from that time that I also had such a cruel time.
But before I got married, I was obviously a person who felt pity when I saw stray dogs. ”
Perhaps, this is the most lamentable place.
At the end of the marriage, you become a stranger to yourself, and sometimes the evil thoughts that can't be swelled up in your mind will make you hesitate and be afraid.
Why did I become like this? Is this really me?
So, what exactly can be done to prevent malice from turning into evil deeds and getting the marriage back on track?
Don't wait until you're married
I know how vicious I am
Psychological counselor Lai Peixia once said: When you get married, you know how vicious you are.
The reason for saying this is because she once had an unhappy marriage.
In that marriage, she and her ex-husband were both from single-parent families who were supposed to support each other, but they hurt each other and attacked each other.
"I'm sorry for my ex-husband's family, thinking that scolding is love, so it's useless to try."
In the end, the marriage ended in divorce.
It wasn't until she studied psychology and reacquainted herself that she suddenly became enlightened.
She has a kind of love and hate psychology for her mother, but she has unconsciously inherited her mother's rigid communication mode and brought the shadow of the original family to the new family.
And the ex-husband also erected spikes in one quarrel after another, and the two people were like enraged hedgehogs, who would only use the most "vicious" language to stab each other, even if they were hurt by it.
In fact, many times, the so-called "vicious" is a psychological trauma that needs to be seen.
There was a mother in the background who also sent us private messages.
She originally just wanted to ask us for parent-child problems, and her daughter didn't know why, and she had been "bad" since middle school.
Not only did his grades plummet, but his temperament changed drastically, from being sensible and well-behaved before, to being grumpy, and even committing self-harm.
"Sometimes she listens to me, but she and her dad are already on the same page, not only talking back, but also throwing chairs and knives at her dad!"
After several consultations, I found out that not only did the child need counseling, but the mother actually needed it more.
It turned out that this lady was strong, but her husband's temperament was relatively soft, and in her opinion, she did not seek progress.
Therefore, on weekdays, she will always accuse her husband more than once in a while, and in the long run, her husband will not go home for a day, and this evasive attitude has aroused her dissatisfaction even more.
As soon as the husband and wife meet, they will inevitably quarrel.
In such a vicious circle, she often complained in front of her daughter that her husband was not right, and during the period, she was also mixed with insults and curses:
"How not to go out and kill you!" I was so blind to marry you! ”
As a result, in order to "take sides", the daughter often spoke ill of her father, and the relationship between father and daughter fell to the freezing point.
At first, she also felt that her daughter was facing her, a sweet little cotton jacket.
But the further back, the child's words and deeds become more and more out of control, and finally, there is an aggressive behavior.
This is the typical "parent behavior, the child pays".
But the problem is that this situation is really not uncommon.
If you pay attention to life, you will find that many contradictions in parent-child relationships often stem from the relationship between husband and wife.
Adults who do not handle the relationship between husband and wife often do not handle the relationship with their children well.
In a family, the relationship between husband and wife should be greater than the parent-child relationship, so as to make the whole family rock solid.
But many times, there are conflicts between husband and wife, coupled with the lack of emotional management ability of the parties, such as: mood is capricious, do not know why they are angry, what is the source of their emotions...
At this time, as a parent, there is no way to digest, and you will only transfer your pain to your children.
Children can only express "loyalty" in words and behavior, or do excessive things for the sake of "hugging grievances" for one parent.
Even if you grow up and fall in love with others and marry, you will often fall into a painful circle.
Later, the mother, after several counseling sessions, recognized her problem.
There is a saying that children who have been drenched in rain know better how to hold umbrellas for others;
In fact, adults who have been injured also know better how to solve problems for others.
Now she is no longer like before, like a living fire without boundaries, burning others and burning herself, but becoming soft, firm, and powerful.
Not only did he get his family life back on track, but he also gained a career that he loved.
U.S. Justice Anthony Kennedy once said:
Marriage responds to a universal fear: a lonely man shouting loudly only to find no one there. It gives people hope for companionship, understanding, and security: there will be someone who cares about you. ”
Indeed, a good marriage is no less than a rebirth, it is warm, it flows, it responds.
Everyone deserves a good marriage and family, if you are deeply involved in emotional problems, you can comment on the message or @ Heart Help Lu Yue Private message I tell you your specific situation, I will help you solve.
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