1. The wife found that her husband had some bad breath recently, so she took the time to accompany him to the hospital. The doctor stopped her outside the clinic, pale and lowered his voice and said, "The examination shows your husband, three days ago."

1. The wife found that her husband had some bad breath recently, so she took the time to accompany him to the hospital. The doctor stopped her outside the clinic, pale and lowered his voice, saying, "The examination shows that your husband died three days ago." The wife was stunned, turned her head to see her husband coming out of the examination room, naturally stepped forward to hold his hand, and said as usual, "The doctor said that you have been a little on fire recently, and I will give you soup later." Do you prefer winter melon ribs, or carrot corn?

2, five years ago I thought of finding a girlfriend to get married, and now I have not married. Five years ago, a colleague got married, and the wedding host asked the colleague to throw out the bouquet in his hand, saying that whoever the flower fell on was the next happy person, and I grabbed it with my height advantage!! Three years ago, a classmate got married, or the host said the same thing, the classmates all let me, and I grabbed it again. Yesterday a younger brother got married, and it was this host who said that again, and as a result, my brother deliberately threw flowers into my arms. Afterwards, the host said to me privately: Dude, this is just a wedding game, don't take it seriously.

3. When I was in college, there was a rich second generation in the dormitory, who had a lot of money in the family and never lacked a girlfriend. Later, it was found that his phone had changed countless times but never used Apple and Samsung. I was curious and asked him what the reason was. He said: "I have a serious compulsion certificate, a good apple has to take a bite, I see it is uncomfortable, not to mention three stars, Lao Tzu will use five stars if he wants to use it, and there is still two stars!" ”

4. Because the old brother's Land Rover was scratched when I drove out to pick up my sister, it was sent to the 4S shop for maintenance. Commuting to and from work are taken by the subway, and Xiao Li, the enthusiastic secretary who works this day, wants to take him home. Halfway to the road, my cousin suddenly felt that the car was very hot, so he asked the secretary Xiao Li: Why don't you turn on the air conditioner? Secretary Xiao Li said: The cost of running the air conditioner is very high, and the oil price is so expensive now! My cousin said, "Then why not open the windows?" Opening the windows is not a waste of oil, right? Secretary Xiao Li said: I close the car window and others will think that I have the air conditioner on, I also want face! The cousin said: You are calling death to face the guilt.

5, there is a rich man in our community, his wife died of cancer last year, so he married a young wife who just graduated from college! Today my wife went to pick up her stepson and came home from school, because she was naughty on the road, she beat her hard! As a result, the stepson cried so hard that he couldn't even catch his breath....... Crying and crying, I accidentally blew two snots on my nose and bubbled up, and I laughed at myself. The wife thought she was not convinced, and beat her up again!?"

6. After graduating from Tsinghua University, my father directly asked me to go home, saying that he had found me a very easy job. Before going to work, I asked: Dad, what should I pay attention to when I go to work there? My dad said: You don't need to pay attention to anything, what you want to do. The next day when I went to work, my supervisor arranged a workstation for me, and then said to me: You just sit, play games when you are normally fine, watch movies, and just leave work at one point. Three months later, I found out that my dad was the CEO of the company!

7. I missed Tsinghua due to a one-point difference, so I had to go to the Central Academy of Fine Arts to study. Once, I asked Fa Xiao if he could draw a portrait of him as a class assignment. He agreed, and I drew it and handed it in, and I actually got a C. I asked the teacher why he gave such a low score, and the teacher said that my painting proportions were not right: "The head is too big, the shoulders are too wide, and the arms are too thin." "The next day, I immediately took Fa Xiao to see the teacher. The teacher glanced at Fa Xiao and said, "Okay, give you an A." ”?

8, after my wife became pregnant, I was carefully waiting every day, and today I took her to drink chicken soup to supplement her body. She took a sip and called the boss, wife: "Why doesn't it smell like chicken at all?" The boss calmly explained: "This is soup made with baby chicken." I asked doubtfully, "What is a baby chicken?" The boss smiled and said, "It's the egg!" ”

9. I had a dream last night, and someone told me about the color drift numbers in the dream! I rushed to buy the window together, and the result really made me win 2 million! I happily went to the goddess's house, and the goddess turned me away! I was very confused, at this time the goddess's neighbor came out and said to me: Boy, only 2 million want to chase others? The husband is worth 10 million! I was very sad, so I spent a lot of money and drank, and after half a year, I spent 2 million! The next day in the mall met the goddess neighbor, he said to me: you hurry to chase your goddess, her husband is bankrupt... When I heard this, I cried bitterly...

10, the pregnant wife is not making a fuss about drinking Starbucks lattes, I immediately went out to buy. When I got to the Starbucks store, I asked the waiter, "How much is a latte?" Waiter: "58 yuan!" I asked, "Why is it $46 in London, $35 in Chicago, and $28 in Mumbai?" The waiter calmly replied: "China's house prices are more expensive than foreign countries, cars, gasoline, Internet access, taxes are more expensive than foreign countries, why can't lattes?" At this time, I was dumbfounded, and a group of people in the back urged me: "Buy or not?" If you can't afford it, just roll..."

11. After graduating from college, the school assigned me a job. Later, the family found me a better job, and I planned to quit, which had nothing to do with the company. When I signed, the manager and the group leader gave me a conversation, half an hour of various conversations and various persuasions, hoping that I would stay. Finally I felt like I was about to be persuaded to say, "To be honest, I actually think the salary is too low." The scene suddenly became awkward, and the manager said to the group leader leisurely: "Give him approval!" ”

12. Last night, my brother went to KTV once, got drunk, and the last song was "Beijing Beijing". While walking, I sang about the KTV taxi home, and then the driver woke me up: Beijing has arrived! I looked at the meter 45781 yuan and instantly woke up. I said: Master, how did you open Beijing? The master said: After asking you several times, you all said Beijing and Beijing, I thought you were in a hurry to see the national flag raised!

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