With the changes in the social environment, competition and inner volume have appeared in children's lives early. The psychological problems of primary and secondary school students are on the rise, and many children are facing different degrees of psychological problems, such as:
Addicted to online games, bored with school;
Repeatedly encountering walls in interpersonal communication;
Low self-esteem, depression, frequent state of anxiety;
unstable temper and aggressive behavior;
Poor independence and over-dependence on parents
……
A survey on the mental health of children and adolescents aged 4 to 16 in the mainland pointed out that the incidence of psychological problems in children and adolescents was as high as 13.9%.
It has to be admitted that the mental health of adolescents has become an urgent concern for society, schools and families.
Many parents do not understand this: today's children have no worries about food and clothing, why do they have so many psychological problems? Which step was done wrong?
In fact, a sunny and healthy child, material life is often not the most important factor, the key lies in the "heart": whether it is filled with love, self-confidence and courage, whether it has exercised a certain psychological resilience to face real life.
If the child does not have these forces in his heart on the road to growth, it is easy to feel lonely and desperate.
In order to avoid psychological problems in children and have a sunny psychological state, the family is the first hurdle.
The China Eugenics and Fertility Association once conducted a survey on the mental health of adolescents and children in 22 provinces and cities across the country, showing that about 30 million adolescents and children on the mainland are in a sub-healthy state of psychology.
Relevant experts pointed out that a mentally healthy child has at least 5 characteristics:
1, have normal intelligence, have curiosity;
2. Be able to gradually learn to control their emotions and maintain an optimistic and upward state of mind;
3. Be able to learn to communicate normally with the people around you, know how to share and cooperate, respect others, and be helpful;
4. Be able to accept yourself, have self-control, can actively face the problems and difficulties encountered in life, and adapt to the environment;
5. Have good behavior habits and sound personality.
If you trivialize your child's mental health problems, your child's future will be affected by unpredictable consequences. Some common manifestations of daily life may be precursors to psychological problems.
So, do you know what are the signs of mental health in children?
1. Poor academic performance/refusal to go to school
1. According to the child's intelligence test level, the child's academic performance is lower than expected (good brain, bad grades);
2. Unable to complete school homework or homework on time;
3. Indulge in entertainment and leisure activities such as games/networks and delay in study;
4. When learning encounters difficulties, the behavior is out of line, chaotic and negative;
5. High anxiety about academics and examinations, fear of academic-related failures;
6. Persistent reluctance or refusal to attend school;
7. Have a strong emotional reaction when you leave home or when you go to school (such as crying, tantrums, arguments, etc.);
8. Physical discomfort related to schooling: headache, abdominal pain, nausea, stomach pain;
9. Often have a negative evaluation of the school, or constantly question the necessity of going to school;
10. Fear is separated from parents, and retreats to avoid contact with strangers.
2. Depression
1. Sadness or powerlessness, low vitality;
2. Always thinking about death in the heart, suicidal thoughts or actions;
3. Irritable emotions;
4. Alienated from family and friends, refusal to communicate frankly, little or no eye contact;
5. Decreased appetite, increased sleep, poor concentration and indecisiveness;
6. Lack of interest in previously favorite activities;
7. Feeling hopeless, worthless or inappropriate guilt, low self-esteem.
3. Anxiety
1. Excessive anxiety, worry or fear, obviously beyond the level of age group;
2. Somatization reaction: tiredness, trembling, muscle tension, rapid heartbeat, shortness of breath, dizziness, dry mouth, nausea, diarrhea;
3. High alertness: continuous nervousness, difficulty concentrating, difficulty falling asleep, easy to wake up;
4. Generalization of fear, affecting normal life;
5, too worried about being abandoned by parents, excessive guilt.
Irritability/destructive behavior
1. Frequent outbreaks of inappropriate anger at sudden events, excessive crying, cursing, and foul language when they are unhappy;
2. Attract attention through childish behavior, noise or strange appearances, and disturb others by talking casually during class;
3. Frequent fights, coercion of others, cruel treatment of people or animals, threats to harm parents, siblings or authority figures;
4. Destroying objects or throwing things in the same way when angry;
5, passive attack: forgetfulness, pretend not to hear, lazy, procrastination;
6. Stubbornly refuse the reasonable requests of authoritative figures such as parents or teachers;
7. Tense relationship with brothers, sisters, classmates and friends, and there are many hostile acts, such as ridicule, nicknames, teasing others, etc.;
8. Do not abide by the predetermined rules in the game, refuse to share and cooperate;
9. Verbal intimidation or physical attacks on young and weak companions, such as screaming, swearing, pushing, destroying or snatching, throwing things.
5. Lying/stealing
1. Repeatedly lie to meet personal needs, manipulate others, or get what you want;
2. Lying for a long time in order to escape the consequences and punishment of bad behavior;
3. Lying in order to evade responsibility, homework, and housework;
4. Gain status in your peers by lying;
5. Steal/take things from home, school, community, etc.;
6. Enuresis/feces/attention deficit/hyperactivity/sleep disorders
1. Children over 5 years old, who still intentionally or unintentionally wet the bed, pee their pants, or defecate in inappropriate places during the day or night;
2. Try to hide stool or dirty clothes in order to avoid the shame of bedwetting or feces, or the fear of being ridiculed, criticized, or punished;
3. It is difficult to maintain continuous attention, and it is easy to be distracted by external stimuli and inner thoughts;
4. Overactive, energetic, not resting, difficult to sit quietly, or talk too much;
5. Difficulty falling asleep or waking up easily, crying or asking to sleep with parents;
6. Waking up in sadness, accompanied by nightmares, dreams involving dangerous scenes;
7. Sleepwalking.
Low self-esteem/sensitivity/introversion/social terror/shyness/language disorder
1. Verbally express self-contemptuous comments, seeing themselves as unattractive, worthless, stupid, failed, and unimportant;
2, can not accept praise, there is no way to find or accept their positive traits or talents;
3. Easy to blame oneself, excessive please, afraid of rejection by others, especially peers, difficult to reject others, afraid of not being liked;
4) Refuse to take risks to try new experiences for fear of failure, embarrassment, or humiliation; act in a negative way;
5. Avoid social interaction and avoid eye contact; have little or no close friends except relatives, show excessive withdrawal or avoidance from contacting strangers for a period of time, and excessive social isolation activities, such as reading, listening to music in the room, playing games;
6. Excessive sensitivity to criticism, disapproval or rejection of signals, lack of decisiveness;
7. There is an excessive need to ensure that others like it before showing a willingness to contact others;
8. Often self-defeated, do not like to compare with others, and feel that they are not welcome;
9. There are significant physiological symptoms in social interaction, such as rapid heartbeat, heavy sweating, dry mouth, muscle tension and trembling;
10. Language barrier: small vocabulary, difficult to organize long sentences, difficult to express feelings; stuttering;
Separation anxiety/attachment disorder
1. When thinking of leaving the guy and separating from his relatives, excessive emotional sadness or constant complaining, such as crying, attacking, asking to be together, tantrums; or physical discomfort, such as headaches, stomachaches, nausea;
2. Constant fear of unrealistic separation, such as the disappearance of parents, kidnapping, injury, misfortune, etc.;
3. After leaving home or separating from parents, constantly complaining and exaggerating sadness, such as pleading to go home, asking to see parents or calling;
4. Unwilling or unwilling to sleep without the company of intimate objects, and refuse to sleep outside the home;
5. Show withdrawal and rejection of the primary caregiver and distance from all;
6. Expressing friendship to strangers too quickly, or expressing feelings to strangers without choice;
7. Refuse to accept care and insist on not needing anyone's help;
8. Store food or overeat;
9. Show aggression against siblings, companions, caregivers;
10) Frequently lie without remorse, or steal small things that are not important.
A mentally healthy child who wants to "betray" his parents three times
Care and separation are tasks that parents must accomplish in their children.
I once saw a seven- or eight-year-old girl arguing with her mother: Why do I have to make decisions about everything I want, and I can't choose what I like? I just want to learn calligraphy, I don't want to learn Olympiad, how come you just don't understand.
The mother had reported to her daughter for an Olympiad class a long time ago, and was afraid that her daughter would not agree and had been hiding it from her. It was not until the day of the class that the girl was "tricked" by her mother into going to class only to find that her mother reported to her was not the calligraphy class she liked.
The girl said, "Is it interesting that you have to learn by yourself?" Mom said, "Your math scores are so poor, you have to go up, you don't have to discuss." ”
The girl was particularly angry at the time, thinking that her mother did not respect her at all: "This is your idea, and it is not what I think in my heart, why do you always force me." ”
Every word and deed she said and did was accusing her mother of "disrespecting her."
Children from the age of 3, self-awareness awakened, they are no longer like the little sheep, only the parents' orders are obeyed, more willing to do is to "rebel against the parents", will be through rejection, resistance, protest and other ways to show themselves.
Such a child is not rebellious, but implies that he wants to be "separated" from his parents.
Some psychologists have said that a healthy child needs to "betray" his parents in order to build a strong self.
Parents who understand the rebellious spirit of their children will let their children experience these three "betrayals".
First "betrayal":
Allow your child to say "no"
Children will experience the "first rebellious period" of life from the age of two or three. Many "well-behaved children" will become "bear children" who oppose their parents everywhere, and they will have to hang "no" at every turn.
From a psychological point of view, when the child says "no" frequently, it means that his "self-awareness sensitivity period" has come, and the child will use "mine" to mark his power for anything.
"Catching Children's Sensitive Period" points out that from the age of 2, children find themselves separated from the world, and when the self begins to sprout, it is surprisingly self-centered.
Therefore, at this time, the child has the first "betrayal" of his parents.
The main manifestations are:
Parents will not listen to reason at all, and they will sing the opposite tune at every turn;
A word "don't" pops out of your mouth, and there is always a reason to find out why you are disobedient;
Always maintain the "this is mine" cordon, no one else can touch his things;
Obviously, I can't do it, but I have to do everything myself...
In fact, this "betrayal" of the child is more in the establishment of a "boundary line of the self", paving the way for what kind of person he will become in the future.
At this point, the way parents respond is particularly important. If you refuse the child to say "no", its drawbacks negate the child, stifle the child's ability to express themselves, form a "flattering personality", will lack the courage to "fight for power" for themselves, get used to being led by the nose, and always have no opinion when things happen.
Parents should allow their children to say "no." Psychologist Erikson pointed out in the "Eight Stages of Life Theory" that the developmental tasks of preschool children are "trust, autonomy and initiative". "No" is the first step in a child's self-expression, and it indicates that the child can have the courage to refuse in the face of "dissatisfied" behavior.
Such parents will show full trust in their children, invisibly cultivate their children's independence and autonomy, and will become a brave and resourceful person in the future.
Second "betrayal":
Withdraw from the child's life
I know that a netizen said: Mom from 7 or 8 years old, there are always two or three times a week, will secretly rummage through her wallet and bag; when going out to play, who to go out to play must ask clearly, and even have to call friends to confirm the authenticity will agree; at home in addition to the toilet, as long as the door is closed, you will definitely ask "what are you doing", and then ask to open the door.
Because of these things, she had a cold war with her mother and quarreled, but none of them eliminated her mother's desire to control her.
She said: "Even if my mother's starting point is because of love, not respecting me will make me feel suffocated." ”
Every child has its own psychological boundaries in its heart, and it is like a "psychological wall" that carries the child's inner sense of security.
Unfortunately, some parents always use "cruel" ways to break this barrier in their children's hearts:
Many parents always regard their children as "private property" and think that "children are mine" and must "listen to me" to control their children.
As everyone knows, such a way will bring children a "crisis of trust" and make children lose their sense of security to their parents.
When the child has this awareness, it means that he will begin to live independently from his parents, and there will be a second "betrayal" in his life.
The third "betrayal":
Parents learn to "delegate" to their children
I once watched a parent-child show called "What Will You Do", which has a scene that imitates very real.
In the early stage of volunteering for the college entrance examination, the mother and daughter talked:
Mom: The teacher said that he had sent a form to fill in the college entrance examination volunteer, how come I didn't see it?
Daughter: The teacher said that you can fill it out yourself.
Mom: How can you fill in the rules yourself, you definitely have to make a decision.
Mom still kept saying: You are all born to me, can you still not listen to me?
It seems that interfering with children has become a necessary "homework" in family education: when they are young, what children eat and wear is decided by their mothers; when they grow up, children must listen to their parents when they go to college.
Studies have shown that children who have been forced to choose for a long time not only lack judgment and the right to choose when they grow up, but also lack a sense of responsibility.
Parents shout "I am for your own good" but do not give their children "decentralization", such children will only be pushed by society in the future.
Only after having the ability to choose, children will learn to choose between "having and losing" and know what they "should do and what they should not do".
Parents who will "delegate power" will let their children understand their own direction in their choices, and with the right to choose, children will have the ability to conquer the world.
Raise your child, don't take obedience as the only sign, and give your child the opportunity to "betray" their parents.
What do you think about that?