During the holidays, I drove alone to Mount Emei and found a hotel to stay in at night. At eleven o'clock, I was taking a shower when I suddenly heard someone knocking on the door, and I wrapped up my bath towel

During the holidays, I drove alone to Mount Emei and found a hotel to stay in at night. At eleven o'clock, I was taking a shower when I suddenly heard someone knocking on the door, and I wrapped up my bath towel to open the door, and found a beautiful woman with a bottle of red wine and two wine glasses in her hand. She said she lived next door to me, couldn't sleep because she had some coffee, and wanted to talk to me and have some wine with her. I gladly let her into the house. She said that her name is Xu Haiyan, is from Jiangsu, come here to travel, I asked her why she did not bring a boyfriend, she said with a bitter smile, I don't know where my boyfriend lives, what his name is. I smiled and said, what a coincidence, I don't know what my girlfriend looks like, what she likes, what she doesn't like. Xu Haiyan and I looked at each other and smiled, and felt a lot closer... Smelling the perfume on her body, I was fascinated... I didn't expect to go out on a trip, and actually picked up a girlfriend, which was really profitable. I whispered, "I'll be good to you in the future." She snorted, nodded, and said, "I believe you." Drinking the red wine brought by Xu Haiyan, we both imagined the future and felt extremely satisfied. We agreed that after we went back this time, we would quit our jobs and start our own companies together. We make money together, then buy a new house and a new car, and then we get married and work together until we are old. We also have a lot of children, play under our knees, call us mom and dad, think about it is very beautiful... We talked for a long time, we didn't sleep all night, a wave of sleepiness struck, Xu Haiyan's face gradually blurred in front of me, I yawned, my eyes were dark, and I fell asleep. I don't know how long later, I slowly woke up and found myself lying in a bathtub with a small note next to me...

2. Once upon a time there were five brothers named Monday to Friday. They ventured into the primordial deep forest and were unfortunately caught by the cannibals. The patriarch said to the cook, "The younger one will cook for a while, the second one will put more peppers and vinegar, the third will put the lotus seeds, the fourth fire will not be too big, and the fifth will cut the heart into two pieces, but do not put oil." The chef asked doubtfully: "Monday is difficult, Tuesday is bitter, Wednesday is hard, Thursday is anxious, Friday is happy, I understand, but why don't you put oil?" The patriarch explained: "No matter how difficult it is, it is better than being fired!" ”

3, two days ago, a big thing happened, the mother-in-law was actually pregnant. So my wife and I went home to see my mother-in-law, and I held out my thumb in admiration. The old man looked up triumphantly, and his face was dashing. At this time, the mother-in-law looked at her wife and said: I hope this child will not look like you in the future, otherwise it will be over. The old man narrowed his eyes and said, "Unlike me, who do you imagine, if you don't look like me, we'll be finished."

4. When I was studying at Huazhong University of Science and Technology, I met a classmate from a rural area. During the summer vacation, I went to his hometown to play. The classmate pointed to a cow and said, "This cow is very smart, you go to wipe the cow's feet, and you can live a superior life in the future, with clothes to reach out and food to open your mouth." Rather believe in its existence than in its absence, I immediately went forward and wiped it down the cow's foot. Unexpectedly, the cow's hooves flew up, and I fell to the ground, and a voice sounded in my ear: You fool, I am talking about the horns on the bull's head! I still remember those days, I really put my hands on my clothes, opened my mouth to eat, and I couldn't take care of myself at all.

5, working in the field, originally did not plan to go home, but think of the parents are old, should give them a surprise. So I took the train for more than twenty hours and called my mother, and my mother said leisurely on the other end of the phone: Oops, old man, we all forgot that we have a daughter. The two of us have traveled to Xiamen, what should you do? Can you imagine the desolation of being homeless on one's doorstep with one's luggage?

6, when we fight with our wives, we must not be tough, we must pay attention to strategy. Only by using more brains can she touch her heart to change her mind. Today I was punished to kneel on the washboard, and only when I knelt down did I remember one thing, and immediately said to me: "Wife, you bought these pants, and it hurts me to kneel." She was greatly touched and immediately helped me and said, "Husband, you hurry up, take off your pants and kneel." ”

7, this is my brother a physics class, the teacher took a pair of servants came in. Then let the classmates sitting in the brother send it one by one. Then the teacher said at the podium: Please remember your cards. Since then, he has given us that deck of cards in class, and he has been shuffling cards on the podium! From time to time, he also threw out two cards and said lightly, "Red Peach 5 and Plum Blossom 6 come up to do the problem..."

8. Since the popular Alipay V letter scan code payment, I do not bring cash. One day I was buying steamed buns at the entrance of the community, and the steamed buns were sold by an old grandmother. I saw that there was no payment code posted around, so I asked: "Can I only buy it with money?" As a result, the grandmother looked at me: "Why, boy, do you want to exchange the wheat for it?" "Forgive me for not holding back, I laughed all the way home from buying steamed buns...

#Funny# #搞笑段子 #