During the holidays, I drove alone to Mount Emei and found a hotel to stay in at night. At eleven o'clock, I was taking a shower when I suddenly heard someone knocking on the door, and I wrapped up my bath towel

During the holidays, I drove alone to Mount Emei and found a hotel to stay in at night. At eleven o'clock, I was taking a shower when I suddenly heard someone knocking on the door, and I wrapped up my bath towel to open the door, and found a beautiful woman with a bottle of red wine and two wine glasses in her hand. She said she lived next door to me, couldn't sleep because she had some coffee, and wanted to talk to me and have some wine with her. I gladly let her into the house. She said that her name is Xu Haiyan, is from Jiangsu, come here to travel, I asked her why she did not bring a boyfriend, she said with a bitter smile, I don't know where my boyfriend lives, what his name is. I smiled and said, what a coincidence, I don't know what my girlfriend looks like, what she likes, what she doesn't like. Xu Haiyan and I looked at each other and smiled, and felt a lot closer... Smelling the perfume on her body, I was fascinated... I didn't expect to go out on a trip, and actually picked up a girlfriend, which was really profitable. I whispered, "I'll be good to you in the future." She snorted, nodded, and said, "I believe you." Drinking the red wine brought by Xu Haiyan, we both imagined the future and felt extremely satisfied. We agreed that after we went back this time, we would quit our jobs and start our own companies together. We make money together, then buy a new house and a new car, and then we get married and work together until we are old. We also have a lot of children, play under our knees, call us mom and dad, think about it is very beautiful... We talked for a long time, we didn't sleep all night, a wave of sleepiness struck, Xu Haiyan's face gradually blurred in front of me, I yawned, my eyes were dark, and I fell asleep. I don't know how long later, I slowly woke up and found myself lying in a bathtub with a small note next to me...

2. My cousin who went to school at HIT has chased many beautiful women. They all rejected their cousins, and since then they have doubted their appearance. That time back in the dormitory, my cousin asked his roommate, who was playing a game, "How do you think I look?" Don't lie to me! The roommate thought for a moment and replied, "Pretty sunny!" The cousin was immediately happy: "It seems that I am not bad looking!" The roommate shook his head, "Just a little glare!" ”

3. I talked about a beautiful girlfriend at Nankai University, and after graduation, my brother followed his girlfriend home once. The future mother-in-law at the dinner table said very directly: If you want to marry my daughter, you can, as long as you have a car and a house, the bride price can take out another 500,000 yuan. I smiled slightly after listening to it, because it was easy for me to invest a lot. So I took out a pen and paper and skillfully wrote 7 digits and handed it to my mother-in-law: This is the password, you can get it out at the color drift shop for two yuan! Then the future mother-in-law blew me out, on the way home, I planned to make a break with the past, so I went to the color drift shop and spent two dollars to buy the 7-digit number, and the result was really 50 million.

4. My boyfriend often comes to my house to play, buys a bunch of dishes every time, and cooks for us. Dad said with a relieved face: "No wonder others say that lazy people are lazy." "Looking at a table full of my favorite dishes, I sat down with chopsticks and waited for the meal. Dad coughed twice and said to his boyfriend: "Ugly words I said first in the front, you are so good at cooking, after my girlfriend eats fat, we are not responsible for returning ah." The boyfriend grabbed my hand awkwardly: No!

5. The new car bought last month, just traveled 5,000 kilometers, went to the 4S shop for maintenance. Just drove the car to the door of the 4S shop, I heard the noise inside, listened to it for a while to know, a car was in a car accident but the airbag did not pop up, the result of the after-sales staff said: You did not hit the right place, the next time in the collision try to hit the front of the car. Crash head... It feels like the whole person is not good.

6. I went to bed late with my girlfriend Hi Pi at night, and as a result, I overslept this morning. After I got dressed, I hurried to the company. Only later did I find out that my phone had been forgotten at home. Half an hour later, my mother actually sent it to me personally, and I was very moved. After my mother left, I opened my mobile phone and saw a text message: Son, your mobile phone forgot the window, do you want to send it to you?

7. The father was watching TV in the living room when his son suddenly ran over. The son looked at his father for a long time and said: Dad, give me 20 fast of your private money, I want to buy snacks to eat. Dad: No! Son: Dad, if I don't have pocket money to buy snacks, I will be in a bad mood, and if I am in a bad mood, I will have no intention of studying, so my mother will beat me, and I will tell you about your private money when I am beaten... Dad: Son, this is 20 pieces, take it to the flowers!

8. Walking into the neighborhood today, the neighbor's baby is playing downstairs. The little guy reached out for my bag, and I put it on and prepared to take it home to play for a while and then send it back. Watching the doll is the child's sister, 15 years old, who also often meets and knows me. When she saw me wrapping the child away, she even said to me: Uncle Ma, you can also take away my brother, you can give me an IOU, when will you return it?

  #Funny# #搞笑段子 #