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In China, it is often said: "The Son does not teach, the Father is at fault." This is what it is used to describe the important role that parents and families play in the education of their children.
Also in the Western social science community, whether it is sociology or psychology, scholars believe that the family, especially the parents, is equivalent to the first classroom in the process of individual growth, and the parents are naturally the first teachers of the child.
Therefore, in the process of children's growth, parents' understanding of them is naturally more in-depth. Some parents attach great importance to the education and care of their children, so in such a family, the children will be more relaxed in the process of socialization.
So for parents, what kind of performance does the child have when he is more likely to get into trouble? Harvard University once had a follow-up study for a large number of families, over a long period of time.
The results of the study show that those individuals who are prone to difficulties after adulthood have actually been shown in many aspects as early as childhood, and there are 8 specific manifestations:
1. "Thin skin"
The so-called "thin skin" is actually a Chinese proverb, which refers to the fact that individuals often fall into a state of shame and writhing when social interactions with others.
Then at this time, some people may wonder: in social interactions, people often like those who are "thin-skinned", because they will not have too much trouble for others.
But one thing should be clear: this is for adults, because adults have experienced socialization, so they know that "do not do to others what you do not want to do." ”
But for underage children, if they are embarrassed to express their physical or psychological needs, especially for their dearest parents who are "thin-skinned", then they will have some inferiority.
Such individuals, in adulthood, are bound to show the same "thin-skinned" state in the process of social interaction, which will lead to them often suffering losses and eventually falling into difficulties.
2. Poor self-control ability
Some people say that the trick to success is talent, and some people say that the trick to success is persistence, maybe these are all reasonable, but before success, to be able to achieve better results in life, in fact, the most critical point is good self-control.
It is true that children will be more playful and have no sense of time when they are young, but since they are parents, they should educate their children early in these aspects.
Even people who don't know much about education know one thing: be sure to standardize their children's schedules and help them rationally arrange the tasks they should complete every day before they become adults.
If the child is still unable to form a good self-control under the condition of strict education, then after he becomes an adult, it is inevitable that there will be irregular work and rest, staying up late, and reversing the day and night.
3. Talk a lot and regardless of the occasion
Although the saying goes, "fairy tales are unscrupulous", and minors are very curious because they do not know much about the outside world, so it is understandable to talk more.
However, in the process of growing up, "observing words and colors" is a very important skill.
If a child has been talking about it since childhood, and on any occasion, then as a parent, you should pay attention to it: you should strengthen the cultivation of relevant aspects, otherwise when he becomes an adult, it is bound to attract many negative effects.
4. Lack of creativity
We often say that children's minds are "imaginative", because they have not yet been bound by the rules and regulations of various societies, so children's imagination is a very characteristic ability.
When a child behaves very well at an early age, then as a parent, such a child is easier to discipline, but in the subsequent life journey, the lack of creativity and imagination may make its spiritual world very monotonous and boring.
5. No curiosity
As mentioned above, whether an individual is mature or not, in addition to the maturity of physical and physical conditions, there is also the understanding of the society in which he is located. Because underage children do not know many things, they often ask questions.
If the child behaves very "steady" when he is young, for the outside world, even if he does not understand the answer from adults, it means that his curiosity is relatively low, even if he becomes an adult, his understanding and adaptability to the outside world will be relatively poor, and it is easier to fall into difficulties.
6. Lack of leadership skills
There is a Chinese proverb called: "The gun shoots the head bird." "It is used as a metaphor for those who like to be uprooted and love to be in the limelight, and they are often not particularly popular among the crowd."
But for underage children, in fact, in the various peer groups to which they belong, whether they are classmates, relatives of the same age or classmates who play together, it is more beneficial to like to become a "leader".
These behaviors help to develop children's leadership skills, and often taking the role of leader helps children to sort out the order of what they want to do, and also helps to improve their own requirements.
In addition, being a "child's head" is actually a more attractive thing for children, so children often like to be "leaders". If a child is reluctant to do such a thing since childhood, it may be that he has no sense of responsibility.
7. Too calm
Although those children who jump up and down every day and can't idle down will be named "ADHD" and will consume the energy of parents to manage their children, but in fact, this is also a normal situation, children are such a state, through continuous contact with the outside world to increase the understanding of strangers and things, so active is the characteristics of children.
On the contrary, if a child does not like to move and does not have any personal hobbies, then the child is most likely depressed. In adulthood, this temperament is not conducive to their interaction with the outside world.
8. Too much pursuit of perfection
For some children, they often do not understand the difficulty of the task they face, and they will always be very positive and want to do their best no matter what they do. If there is a little disagreement, it will be very grumpy.
This is actually very dangerous. People can pursue perfection, but only if they are within their own capabilities. Blindly "perfectionism" will only make you often face the dilemma of not being able to do the best.
In summary, these 8 characteristics of children are likely to be a harbinger of their difficulties in adulthood, and parents must pay attention to them.
- The End -
Author | Tommy
The First Psychological Writing Group | A group of young people who like to look up at the stars
参考资料：Vogel, D. L., & Wester, S. R. (2003). To seek help or not to seek help: The risks of self-disclosure. Journal of Counseling Psychology, 50(3), 351.