Text/Meiya
A woman with children.
Two days ago, there was a video of domestic violence on the hot search, to be honest I did not have the heart to open it until today, because the automatically played frame, just can see a little girl wearing a red dress, in the picture is overwhelmed by the push around.
For someone with a daughter, the glimpse was heartbreaking enough that I was afraid to open it to hear her cries.
Yesterday, this incident that caused fierce public opinion came to fruition, the husband was detained for 5 days, and the wife was also criticized and educated, which was stunned.
(Original public name: Meiya in Minato Village)
To be honest, from Zhang Yihe's "Liu's Daughter" to Ram's tragedy, all along, I have not felt that we have any qualitative rectification in anti-domestic violence, it is the same as the old three sets: it is not easy, the children are still small, and the men are like this.
In short, the mediation will be sent back to hell after a fifty-board beating.
But today is different from the past, the fertility rate is off the cliff, this box of stubble experts met to discuss: how to improve the marriage and childbearing rate. Ridiculous proposals and affectionate appeals are like big red lanterns, hanging on Weibo hot searches every day.
This box of people is indignant, and also gave such a result of persuasion to retreat, which young woman of the right age is afraid to retreat from marriage and childbearing?
This is not a family affair for a long time, the people of the whole country are watching, this is a major public relations of public opinion, is an opportunity to kill chickens and scare monkeys to show goodwill to the majority of women, is the outlet for increasing women's protection policies down the slope.
What a great opportunity to show your mind!
Special affairs and consideration of public opinion are our consistent style, how come domestic violence does not work here? I can't tell if this official release is dimwitted or arrogant.
Some people also began to scold the wife for not being able to carry it clearly, unable to support it, and being beaten like this, was it to wait for the body to be collected?
According to normal people's speculation, this mother is restless, and the biggest possibility is because of the child. After all, she was beaten so badly that she did not forget to tell the child: Don't be afraid of the baby. (See in the comments)
For example, if the husband is heavily sentenced, the child's political trial is very troublesome; for example, if the husband is rejudged, the family is incomplete; for example, if the husband is rejudged, the child will think of his father.
Who calls mothers with children the most vulnerable women in the world?
At the beginning of last year, my friend's husband cheated, she called people to run to my house to discuss countermeasures, we analyzed and analyzed, I think this marriage can be divorced, but we have to find a way to get something for the children.
Privately, a friend who was also a staff member told me that it was estimated that he could not leave, because the man was a good father.
In fact, many marriages have reached a dispensable situation for women, retreating and making up for themselves, and the first thing to think about is the child.
Don't be casually contemptuous of women who don't divorce for the sake of their children, because mothers will consider their children's situation in a comprehensive, detailed, and individual way.
Let me give you a reality: although the divorce rate is high now, and many single mothers already have the financial and psychological conditions to raise their children independently, this society cannot be synchronized, and the children do not live in a vacuum.
The environment treats them differently, and the traditional values will still cause harm to children in schools, relatives, and society.
If the other person is not a perfect husband, but a perfect father, then the mother will weigh the pros and cons and make the optimal solution for the family, not her own.
However, although I understand the burden of humiliation to the greatest extent possible in protecting children, this does not include domestic violence.
First of all, of course, this already involves the personal safety of adults and children, the life is gone, and the maintenance of a fart.
Secondly, quite simply, it's not good for kids.
Some time ago, I had dinner with two friends, and we talked about childhood, and one of them said that her earliest memory was in the nursery school, because she took a nap to speak, she was asked by the teacher to stand with her hands behind her back, and stood for a noon; the other remembered that she was slapped for stealing 5 yuan from her mother.
I went back to the video and asked my sister if she remembered what happened when she was a child. Everyone knows that she is my lifeblood, loved since childhood, and grew up with my feet in my arms, but I only remember that I accidentally used the door to pinch her fingers and drill the pain of my heart.
Sadly, this is in line with the psychological discovery, according to the law of human memory curve, our indelible childhood memories are mostly pain, fear, and fright, rather than happiness and happiness, because pain, fear, and fright are often the peak of your emotions.
The fists, bloodshed, and isolation in domestic violence will undoubtedly be engraved in the child's life, and the inability to trust, the inability to establish intimate relationships, and the inability to understand the meaning of emotions accompany the life of the child.
All his life, he has been a soldier and has seen the faces of others, which is 99.9% of the flattering personality and the avoidant attachment personality.
Most of us as mothers understand that the purpose of raising children is not to one day become a noble prince, I wait for my mother to be noble, we only hope that he will be a healthy, safe and happy ordinary person, even if he is stupid, it is a blessing.
Sensitive children are usually not easy to be happy. Even if the political trial is not passed? Is there only one way out in the world? We are happy babies!
Or worse, they learn violence in violence.
The lesser of two evils, growing up in a domestic violence environment, is much more harmful than a single parent.
So, if you are experiencing domestic violence, if it is possible, if you have the ability, for the sake of the child, get out as soon as possible.
I used a long definite phrase to express the uncertainty of this situation, because it is far less simple than we think.
As we have seen, the neglect of domestic violence in the social environment will pua victims, consume her decisions and fighting spirit again and again, and make her feel that domestic violence is "just a family affair".
Secondly, "man is an animal that can adapt to survive in any environment", and because of this, for many people, known pain, than unknown possible happiness, gives them a sense of security.
If you have doubts and can't understand, think about whether you have been hesitant to resign for a long time when you are facing a chicken/anxious/painful job. The same is true of a woman who has been abused, and she is faced with a more significant life choice.
In the end, a woman who has been abused by the family will not decide to divorce at once, even if the society allows her to do so.
Some time ago, I watched an American drama called "Maid", which tells the story of a single mother who suffered domestic violence, took her daughter to do part-time work, and struggled to survive.
The United States has a well-established domestic violence relief system, and she and her daughter are placed in a secret apartment where all people use mobile phones and have to go out a block to prevent being tracked. There are also dedicated pro bono lawyers to help them fight for custody of their children.
There, the heroine meets her first friend, Danielle, and her husband tries to strangle her, so she hides here with her son.
Danielle actively helps every woman here, sharing the same hatred and suffering.
One day the heroine suddenly couldn't find Danielle, and the person in charge told her that Danielle was gone and went home, which was her third time home.
The heroine was puzzled: her husband was going to strangle her!
The person in charge said that it is very normal, on average, a woman has to repeat 7 times to be completely awake, and she has used it 5 times.
Danielle's opportunity to go home this time is that her husband has been calling her, hoping to see her son, and she also hopes that he can see his son.
People's emotions and family are very complex hooks, emotions, habits, violence, and the unknown are mixed together, resulting in a person's hesitation to gamble with his life.
I have said so much, that is, I hope that everyone can understand women who have been abused by domestic violence, and our understanding, support, and encouragement may be able to reduce 7 times to 6, 5, 4 times, so that they can at least psychologically determine that they are victims who need to leave.
According to my observation since childhood, in the case of institutional inaction, the only one who can restrain domestic violence is the strong mother's family, who fights violence with violence, and from then on, it is still away, and it is respectful and respectful.
What we can do is to be the next generation of women's strong mother-in-law (if they are still willing to get married), to be the yunniang family of this generation of women, there are many kinds of violence, sometimes more attention, more forwarding, more pressure, but also a kind of network violence.
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