As a new generation of parents, we have experienced the era of material scarcity when we were young, and when we treat our children, we always hope to do our best to meet the various material needs of our children. Therefore, in the lives of this generation of small children, they seem to have few shortages, and the material life has been greatly enriched and satisfied.
However, in real life, material needs are constantly rising, and the capacity of each family is limited. Therefore, when the child makes some requests beyond the scope of the family, parents will also be embarrassed by it, afraid that the child will have inferiority and negative emotions because of rejection, and then do not know how to refuse so as not to hurt the child?
In fact, many parents will show a kind of "rejection incompetence" situation in the face of their children's excessive requirements, either they cannot refuse their children to piece together to meet their children's growing desires, or they are angry in front of their children, to scold their children for not understanding things, to deny the needs expressed by children. However, rejection and rejection are both lessons that parents and children need to learn.
Xiaobian used to feel guilty because he could not meet the child's requirements, and he would feel angry because of the excessive demands made by the child on a whim, but later found out that this was just a bridge to block the mutual understanding before parents and children. If you want to refuse the child's request, in fact, as long as you sincerely communicate with the child, discuss it, and after explaining things clearly, the child can accept it a lot of times.
In the process of communication, if you want to solve the problem well, parents need to pay attention to the following problems.
1. Affirm the needs of children
Whether it is the child's three-minute heat or their own real needs, parents must affirm the child, just as we adults usually occasionally germinate a kind of spending a lot of money to buy luxury goods and equipment. Many times the negative emotions of children lie in the fact that their thoughts and desires are denied by their parents, and even scolded for this, which will make children feel a sense of unworthiness.
"How can you be so ignorant?" "Mom and Dad make money so hard, can't you restrain a little?" "Always want this and that, how come you don't have a little bit of gratitude." These moral condemnations imposed on children are the source of the inferiority complex that makes children feel inferior. It's normal for children to have needs and desires, and they shouldn't take on this responsibility prematurely.
2. Let the child understand the actual situation of the family
If children are blindly satisfied, they will mistakenly think that their parents are omnipotent and can get their hands on whatever they want, but there is a boundary after all. Therefore, parents need to occasionally let their children understand the actual situation at home, what parents can satisfy you, what things can not be satisfied, this is not a question of love or not, but a practical problem.
Therefore, parents do not have to be ashamed to express their weaknesses to their children, nor are they ashamed to ask their children to understand themselves, parent-child relationships often need two-way feedback, and children also have the space to tolerate parents. Of course, this is an explanation beyond the scope of ability, not an excuse for parents to reject and deny their children's various demands, and the two cannot be confused.
3. Discuss alternatives or delayed plans with your child
Although the needs of children can not be satisfied in time or completely, we also need to consider some more likely ways for children to meet, the piano can not afford to change the electronic keyboard, now can not afford to consider whether the child's examination after the purchase. These are all more feasible ways to make children feel that their ideas are valued.
In the process of children's growth, the meaning of parents' existence is not only to meet the children's material conditions, to earn a lot of money to give children a rich life, but to make children's hearts rich. A child who is truly full of heart will have more courage and strength to cope with life. Maybe we can't meet the various material requirements of children, but children need to be taken seriously, not just satisfied.
Important note: Parents in the face of children beyond their own ability to meet the requirements, is the need to communicate with the child to reach a consensus, in this regard, parents should know how to affirm the needs of the child, but also let the child understand the actual situation of the family to get the child's understanding, and finally we still have to consider other ways to meet the child, so that the child feels understood and respected.
Today's topic: Dear parents, in the parent-child relationship, have you ever been comforted by your own children? Welcome to leave a message to discuss.