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The ancients said: "If you don't fight, you won't be able to do it" and "Filial piety will come out under the stick". I believe that when I was beaten as a child, I often listened to my parents' admonitions. Chinese culture is broad and profound, and parents will use it just right.
From ancient times to the present, parents think that children have to be managed, and the "management" in the eyes of parents includes two kinds: one is from the parents' admonition, blame, which is the so-called "scolding", and the other is from the parents' "love violence", that is, being "beaten", and occasionally a "parent mixed doubles", although they were often beaten when they were young, but they did not leave psychological trauma, so the childhood of Chinese children is extremely rich and "beautiful".
I believe that each of us has the impression of being scolded by our parents in childhood, most of them are because of disobedience, when their parents are busy, they make trouble, and when your parents are good for you, you can't understand and don't listen, resulting in a beating under your parents' anger. In the past, if you didn't obey, you would serve the family law, but now the family law is gone, and you have become the stick of your parents.
Many years ago, a comedy "Wulin Wai Biography" in the Mo Xiaobei, often provoke his sister-in-law to be angry, and then will lead to a fat beating of the sister-in-law, at that time Xiaobei felt very wronged, but after that, he still knew that the sister-in-law was for his own good, not to blame the sister-in-law, and we were very happy to see it before the TV, because we did not feel that the sister-in-law did a wrong thing, and before the TV we were like Xiaobei, we were often scolded by our parents because they made mistakes.
Therefore, most Chinese children have experienced scolding from their parents in childhood, and they are punished because we have made mistakes ourselves, of course, our parents think it is right, and in the end we are not responsible.
After being scolded by our parents, we will also realize our mistakes, understand that our parents are for our own good, and assure our parents that we will not make the same mistakes in the future, so as to acquiesce to our parents' scolding values.
Because the parents' scolding comes from the love for the child and is punishing the child for the mistakes, it will not bring psychological trauma to the child.
The older we get, the more we can understand that our parents have good intentions for us, and every time our parents do something to us, it is because the expectations for us are too high, and we have not met the requirements, and the greater expectations of our parents are definitely to hope that we are getting better and better.
And Xiao Bei in "The Tale of Wulin" is also because she can understand her sister-in-law's expectations and love for herself, she will still love her sister-in-law so much, like us, it is precisely because she understands the love of our parents for us that we will not remember the scolding and rebuke of our parents, but can understand the expectations of parents and the pride of their children. Therefore, most children will not have psychological trauma, but will understand more and more about their parents' love for us.
But it is not excluded that those parents with violent tendencies will bring psychological trauma to the child, some parents because of some trivial things are not happy or because of alcoholism caused by nervous disorders after returning home to punch and kick each other, the child of the child punched, the child hit the whole body, nose blue face swelling, of course, in this case the child will not feel that the parents should love themselves will be like this.
Of course, the two natures of the child are not the same, one is completely from the love of the parents, and the other is that the parents use the child as a punching bag to vent their emotions, but most parents are still qualified parents.
Some parents use some wrong ways of blaming, causing children to have wrong cognitions, which in turn causes psychological trauma to children, but children generally do not show it immediately but accumulate for a period of time and then burst out through an event.
Of course, most children think that it is normal to be beaten by their parents, but there are also a small number of children who will remember and hate their parents after being scolded by their parents, for a similar thing, some children think that their parents beat me right, because I did something wrong, and my parents beat me because they wanted me to be better, because they loved me.
But some children will think that their parents beat me because they don't like me, because they don't love me, and this awareness will form an objective fact in the child's psychology over time, and finally he will think that every time his parents beat him, they are because they hate him.
In their view, parents beat them because they don't like them, parents are always intentionally scolding them, and do not love them, so if the child is scolded in the case of this cognitive error, the child will not play a good result but will get worse and worse, the child will be more and more incomprehensive to the parents, from the shadow of being beaten can not come out, and finally may lead to hatred of the parents, and the parents will be more and more unable to control the child, and finally lead to the distance between the child and the parents will be farther and farther.
Although sometimes children are really angry, we do it out of helplessness, but this way of education is still not advisable. Because our behavior will greatly affect the child's behavior, avoid the child's violent tendencies.
Conclusion: Every parent is a role model for children to learn in their hearts, and they are all superheroes of children when they are young, so it is not advisable to beat their children's education methods, on the one hand, to avoid children's psychological trauma and physical harm, on the other hand, to give children enough patience to communicate, to give children a sunny and happy and beautiful childhood.
The author | Jiang Yongzi
Edited | Jiang Yongzi
The image | the source network
References | Journal of affective disorders