How to raise an only child: 7 basic tips

When I was a kid, I always fantasized that I could be an only child – not the only daughter of my real parents, of course, but my imaginary parents, who would always put me first, spend all their money on me, and life would be centered on me.

I imagined that they would buy me a horse, and that I would live in my own princess house with my own maid waiting for me. Of course, my imaginary mother will be by my side day and night, fulfilling my every wish and pampering me.

Obviously, this fantasy is unrealistic. In fact, I grew up in a family of six children. My parents were very loving and nice too. If I continue to immerse myself in a life of fantasy, then I will ruin myself – because I will not learn any life skills such as responsibility, sharing, giving to others, serving others, hard work, or selflessness, etc.

Of course, for some, becoming an only child is indeed a dream. Therefore, parents must be aware of some of the problems related to raising an only child. Here are some of the necessary tips for parents.

1. Avoid spoiling or spoiling children too much

For only children, the most dangerous thing is that their parents give too much and spoil them. This is more likely to happen if there are no siblings who also want toys and gifts. After all, there is only one child, and it is easy for us to indulge them.

However, we can curb this trend by setting limits. Determine how many gifts or specific amounts are presented for each holiday and stick to this limit.

You can also get them what they want. If they buy the latest video games, let them do housework to earn money so that they realize that it is not easy to make money. This can both help them delay their sense of satisfaction and let them know the value of getting what they crave.

2. Don't treat children like adults in the family

With only one child in the family, parents can easily treat them as adults. Around the age of 8 or 9, many children will show a sense of maturity accompanied by adult-like behavior. It's easy for parents to accept this behavior because they understand it. However, the child is still a child, so they still need to be treated as a child.

The website "Child-rearing (RaisingChildren.net)" explains that the prefrontal cortex of the brain does not fully develop until adulthood. Even teenagers act impulsively because their prefrontal cortex is not yet fully developed.

Parents need to understand that impulsive behavior occurs in children because of this. So, we can't expect children to grow up because they haven't matured yet. Allow them to be children. After all, they only have one chance to do so in their lives.

3. Get your child to socialize with their peers

A research paper published by Kitzman and Lockwood in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships (2020) found that children who grow up without siblings are less able to handle conflict with their peers. This may be due to the lack of regular conflict resolution activities with siblings.

Therefore, socializing with peers is crucial. But even so, parents should allow their children to resolve conflicts between themselves and their peers whenever possible. This will teach them how to get along with their peers and how to resolve conflicts independently.

Often, parents want to protect their children, and if they see their children being emotionally hurt, they interfere with peer interactions. Parents should teach their children conflict resolution techniques by talking about how to react in these situations. Teaching them how to deal with peer conflict and seeking adult intervention only when necessary (e.g., risk of physical harm) contributes to the development of children's social skills.

4. Set realistic expectations

When adults raise only one child, all their hopes and dreams are wrapped around them. However, parents should set realistic expectations. Children are independent individuals, they are not you. They are themselves, and as such, they have their own talents, talents, and abilities, unlike you. You should evaluate them based on their abilities, not yours.

Expecting a child to become a supersport star and make his way into the Ivy League may be unreasonable. Because every child is special and unique.

If a person has four children, we may see one who excels at sports, another who excels at academics, another who excels at art, and another who is completely unknown even due to his youth, talent and abilities. When you only have one child, we can't expect them to achieve all the dreams, hopes and ambitions of a family of six.

Find out what your child might be good at in life. They may have activities they are good at or they are not good at. Encourage everything they do, but don't set unreasonable and unattainable expectations.

5. Let them do housework to cultivate a sense of responsibility

When you have a child, it is much easier to do housework because it is enough to have one child to help with laundry and cleaning.

But parents with three children are more likely to ask their children to share the housework when necessary. In a larger family, a parent is completely unable to cope with chaos and work.

The only child in the family must be required to do housework. Because it helps them learn to be responsible. At the same time, they will also learn practical life skills, such as how to fold clothes, how to wash dishes properly, and how to clean the room with a vacuum cleaner.

Doing housework empowers them, especially if they get rewarded for doing extra chores, so they can also get what they want as a result.

6. Don't always make them happy

Children want attention and time from their parents. It's good for parents to treat their children like this, but there should also be a balance.

For example, if a stay-at-home mom has only one child, she doesn't need to tease her kids all day. Parents need time to complete their own work and housework, and they also need time for themselves.

It's easy for parents to feel guilty for not playing with their children, especially when children are constantly asking their parents to play with them. When it comes to entertainment, parents should set reasonable expectations for their children.

For example, a stay-at-home mom might say to her only child, "I'm going to play with you for 20 minutes on the train, and then you can play by yourself for 20 minutes and I'll go do the laundry." ”

It can be helpful to find children who are the same age as your own children to play with. This can help children gain time that they are naturally eager to play with others. When they don't have a companion or sibling to play with, they rely on their parents to be their playmates.

Parents can find friends who are the same age as their children and provide them with the games they need and want to participate in.

7. Find activities for your child to get involved with their peers

Before I gave birth to our twins, we had only one daughter in our family. It was a great opportunity for me to get out of the house, find some places, attend some activities, and have our daughter interact with her peers.

She was over a year old by then, so she was ready to play with other kids and participate in activities that would help her grow.

For example, a children's playground on weekends, a children's gathering point in the community, and an additional tutoring class if the economic situation allows.

brief summary

The most important thing for parents raising only children is to understand that their children need to socialize with their peers. Since they don't have siblings, parents must get their children out of the house and find places to play with their peers.

Parents can consciously look for age-appropriate activities and classes for their children. They can then also use the opportunity to connect with other parents so that the children can play with their new friends in the future.

Hope that helps