In the recent hit drama "Sleeping Garden", the "duel" between a mother and daughter with a strong desire for control has aroused deep resonance among netizens. Many people said that they also have a "helicopter" mother like Zuo Yan's mother in the play, always under the banner of "I am your mother, how can I not care about you", or "I am for your own good", and have been hovering above the child's head, hoping to control the child's life 100%.
Because this "helicopter" mother deduced the inner repression of thousands of children, so much so that the heroine Qiao Xin lamented that "children are not a tool to make up for regrets" became a key word and appeared on the hot search.
So, what kind of crazy operation does this "helicopter" mother have? Let's comb through it now and see if it makes you feel "déjà vu".
First, use their values to shape children's values
Zuo Yan's mother has entered the healthy age group, so she will ask her daughter according to her eating habits, hoping that she can also have a cup of vegetable juice every day before going to bed like herself. Even if the daughter repeatedly can't drink it herself, the mother will emphasize that this is a good habit that must be adhered to.
In this regard, many netizens said that in fact, the mother's requirements for her daughter's diet are out of concern for the child. However, when this "care" is too urgent and too frequent, it will make the children feel that they are being managed too strictly. Especially when the children have reached adulthood and already have their own circle of life, the mother still chases after her daughter every day to drink vegetable juice before going to bed, and some children will be very disgusted.
Zuo Yan's mother's use of her daughter's food and clothing can be said to be particularly fine in all aspects. In addition to asking her to drink vegetable juice before going to bed every day, she will also pick and choose her daughter's clothes.
This kind of "care" that is too meticulous actually becomes a kind of bondage when it comes to children. Just like Zuo Yan in the play, no matter what she eats, drinks, wears, her mother will comment, making Zuo Yan feel stressed.
Second, they want to use their experience to help their children avoid pitfalls
Every parent wants their children to be happy, and Zuo Yan's mother is no exception.
In the matter of Zuo Yan's love affair, her mother wanted to "help" her as always, knowing that the family conditions of the boy she liked were average, and the mother immediately deleted the other party's contact information from her daughter's mobile phone. I hope to use my own experience to help my daughter avoid the pit and "teach" her how to recognize people before her daughter enters the marriage hall.
Although we all know that sometimes the experience of "people who come over" does have some truth, from the perspective of children, when they are too much disciplined and manipulated by their parents, they will naturally reject it from the heart.
Third, it is not believed that there should be a distance between children and parents
If parents want to use their own experience to help their children avoid pits out of the instinct of love, then in the name of love, do not allow their children to have a little space of their own, this kind of love is too suffocating.
In the play, Zuo Yan's mother will casually look through Zuo Yan's backpack to understand the dynamics of her daughter, and once the daughter shows resistance to her mother's behavior, her mother will say: "I am your mother, what can I not see from you?" ”
Zuo Yan came home from work a little late, and her mother would ask all kinds of questions: Where did she go? With whom? Male or female? How come I don't know?......
After being managed too much and being suppressed for too long, Zuo Yan became a person with a "split personality", in life, she is a gentle girl who can be very tolerant, but on the Internet, where everyone can't see herself, she is a sharp "keyboard man". She desperately vents her suppressed anger and dissatisfaction in the virtual online world.
Looking at Zuo Yan's mother's control over her daughter, many netizens left messages saying that they felt suffocated across the screen, and in the mother with a strong desire to control, family affection has become a shackle of love.
Gibran said, "Your children, in fact, are not your children, they are the children that are born of life's desire for itself." They came into the world through you, but they didn't come because of you, they were around you, but they didn't belong to you. You know, the relationship between parents and children is never a relationship of "you belong to me, I belong to you", each child should be an independent individual, with their own thinking awareness and judgment ability, parents can help them because of love, but should never control them because of "love".