The daughter beat her mother violently in the street
Why do netizens point the finger at their mothers?
These days, Wang Lihong's divorce storm teaches the public a psychological knowledge: emotional manipulation, which does not only occur in romantic intimate relationships, but also in the workplace, school, and family.
The streets of Changzhou staged such a "family drama" of emotional manipulation. A mother and daughter had a conflict, the daughter kept hitting her mother's helmet with her fist, and the mother did not dodge or speak.
Some insiders said that the cause was that the girl saved 4,000 yuan from her own work, and discussed with her mother, so that her mother could add another 2,000 yuan to buy a new mobile phone, but when she arrived at the mobile phone store, her mother repented, and when the street taught her daughter, as the crowd of onlookers grew, the girl wanted to pull her mother away, but the mother just refused to go, and even intensified, so that people around her commented, and the girl had an emotional breakdown, and then made impulsive behavior.
On the surface, the girl did not understand things and did something to her mother. But if you think about it carefully, you will find that there is a big problem with the mother's education method, since she has promised the child, she cannot rebel, and netizens have also accused the mother of not keeping her promises.
A 15-year-old adolescent girl who attaches great importance to dignity and reprimands her in the street is tantamount to being presumptuous to the child's soul. What's more, the girl is already very sensible, knows the family's economic situation, and has worked hard to save 4,000 yuan by herself, without requiring her mother to bear all the costs.
The girl's mother rebelled, when the street lessons, let the people around the evaluation, how familiar a set of operations, I believe that many people in childhood, have experienced the same scene, this is the typical family PUA education, parents are often invisible PUA perpetrators, suppression, selling misery, for your own good, is the three mountains of family PUA.
The girl's mother can completely listen to her daughter's words and leave, she sells misery in front of the onlookers, let the child suffer internally, just want everyone to see how bad the child is, how pitiful she is, and morally kidnap her daughter.
Parents always use "I'm all for your own good" and "Are you worthy of me?" "Arouse the child's sense of guilt, to achieve the purpose of controlling the child, this kind of questioning is harsh and lethal, this is not real love, just the parents of the child's pinch and control, in the eyes of many parents, the child is a spring, you are weak he is strong, want to suppress the child, exert more pressure, is the only way."
In the family PUA, hitting and selling misery is the best way of education for Chinese parents. Many parents insist that under the stick can not only produce filial piety, but also produce talent, the reason is that China is a nation that pays attention to rules, no rules are not square, the father is the son, the son of man must be absolutely subordinate to the father, the child's will and heart are not important, the program and rules are messed up, it is the top priority, parents will not reflect and learn, blindly follow the ancient rules.
Tragic education is also called guilt education, and the concept in psychology is guilt induction. In a relationship, by making the other person feel guilty, they are subordinate to their own wishes. The manifestations are "you are wrong", "it is because of you, I am so painful", unwilling to accept apologies and guilt compensation, by cutting off the guilt compensation mechanism, so that the other party's guilt can not be eliminated.
In an educational observation variety show, there is a child who can't back down, the child's mother is out of control, fan herself with her hands, as long as the child makes a mistake, slap herself in front of the child, whenever this time, the child will be afraid and blame himself, by punishing himself, discipline the child's parents are not in the minority.
Whether it is a crackdown on education or guilt education, it will only make the child harvest the blow and guilt, perhaps he will become humble and enterprising, but more often it will cause permanent damage to the child's self-confidence.
Because they do not have the ability to love and be loved, they will treat their children like parents, become perpetrators of PUA, and hurt and be hurt from generation to generation.
Peking University student Bao Li's suicide by her boyfriend PUA has caused a sensation in society. Boyfriend Mu Linhan used Bao Li to have a love experience, not a virgin's reason, and tortured her for a long time. Bao Li proposed to break up, Mu Linhan threatened her with suicide, you don't save me is your viciousness, you are either a virgin blame you for wandering, or you have taken the inducement of guilt, Bao Li has long been in guilt and self-blame, and finally can't stand it, take medicine to commit suicide.
When PUA flows to society, it will become tainted, and in addition to changing from family authority to gender contradiction, it will also become workplace harm. Chinese teenagers who have not received sex education are easily lost in the PUA that advocates emotional freedom and sexual freedom, and manipulate women with PUA means, and the social atmosphere is gradually distorted, and the contradictions between the sexes have intensified.
The emotional manipulation of the family will cause a comprehensive rout in the child's future life, which can be manifested within the family, can occur between the sexes, and can also be a means of control of the boss to the employee in the workplace.
Rocket Girl member Yamy has been subjected to the boss's workplace PUA, the boss has long attacked and suppressed her, evaluating her for being too ugly, matching clothes are not the same, causing Yamy to have self-doubt, dare not question any needs of the boss, resulting in her showing absolute submission in personality.
Society is composed of countless individuals, and when individuals are destroyed, social civilization inevitably disintegrates. If you want society to develop in a harmonious and orderly manner, you need to change the small society of the family. However, changing family education cannot be achieved overnight, and thousands of years of traditional thinking are deeply rooted. Mr. Cai Yuanpei wrote in "The Cultivation of Chinese": It is not the academic performance that determines the child's life, but the sound personality cultivation. If you want to cultivate a sound personality in your child, the first thing parents have to do is to change the tone and way of speaking.
As a parent, when educating children, first reflect on whether their own goodness to their children is really love or bear too many of their own expectations and control, children are independent individuals, parents should learn to respect and listen to their children's ideas, accept his success and failure, because, as a parent, it is not perfect.
"Chinese parents" are not just a group, but a symbolic word, they are distinctive, they are burdened with responsibility, control and power, they grow up in the limitations of the times, they struggle in their own limitations, they kidnap children in the name of love.
Since ancient times, the Chinese society that has adhered to the concept of dignity and inferiority is embodied in the family, that is, patriarchy, parents will never allow children to challenge their authority, in their eyes, children are not equal to him, more are tools for raising children and preventing the elderly, just as many parents instill in their daughters that "taking care of younger brothers is the obligation of sisters".
Sun Haiyang's 14-year-old lost son, Sun Zhuo, in the buyer's family, the biological daughter willingly gave way to her brother who was not related by blood, because her parents subtly instilled and brainwashed, which is the PUA of Chinese parents. Sadly, the parents don't realize that this is an invisible PUA, and the child doesn't know that he is being pua, but this kind of mind control exists between you and me.
In a survey conducted by China Youth Daily, 90.6% of respondents said that their parents had verbal attacks on themselves. Many parents do not understand that it is not enough to give their children a bite to eat, but also to create a good psychological growth environment. In our society, more and more middle school students and college students jump off buildings to commit suicide, and when accusing them of poor psychological ability, we should think more, why did they come to this step?
Parents should give their children more praise and love, but the object of this affirmation and praise should be the way they really are, not the way parents want them to be.
What do you think of the news?