1
First look at this mother's message:
"I found that my children, whether they are games or playing, do not allow themselves to fail, feel that if they lose, they will lose the whole world, they will be very disappointed, unhappy, and sometimes they will have a little temper for this."
I don't know how to make him correctly understand failure, and I don't know how to make him correctly understand failure, and it is not terrible to recognize failure. I'm afraid that he won't have a competitive spirit, and that degree is so difficult to grasp. ”
Some mothers say that whether their children play chess or play games, they will cry endlessly when they lose.
In fact, this is related to the child's reverse quotient.
I remember when the little fish was more than three years old.
I often take him and his cousin and cousin to play games in the park.
Sometimes we play games of competition, such as rats stealing oil or wolves.
Because he's still young, but he's playing hard.
After he lost a few times, he stopped playing.
A man is sullen and unhappy.
We all came to persuade him to join, and my brother was still anxious to say, "It's okay to lose, what angry!" ”
And I encouraged him next to him: "Come, when your eldest brother is so old, you can also run fast, don't be discouraged, come and play." ”
But he still wouldn't join, preferring to sit alone next to him.
I think it is necessary to spend more effort to guide in this regard!
Looking at it now, two years have passed.
Whether it's playing a competitive game or playing chess.
He doesn't care too much about winning or losing, but just wants you to play with him for a while.
It's a remarkable twist – allowing children to accept losing (failing) with confidence.
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In the cultivation of reverse quotient, parents are the best coaches, and I will share three suggestions for everyone.
Why do many children have poor resistance to setbacks?
This is inseparable from the fact that children are praised by the stars from an early age.
You'll often see a family around the kids saying you're awesome!
However, growth actually requires a lot of nourishment, such as the need for praise and appropriate setbacks.
However, many parents only see the smiling faces of praise in exchange, and often ignore the perseverance that needs to be cultivated when setbacks.
So the first piece of advice is to give your child more encouragement rather than praise.
Excessive praise from parents is easy for children to form psychological orientation, they will feel that they are smart, do not need to work hard is also a smart person.
Parents should need to cultivate their children's growth mindset.
Professor Carlo Dewwick of Stanford University pointed out in the study that by cultivating children's growth mindset, an attitude that allows other possibilities to exist, promotes progress and problem solving, children improve their abilities and can effectively solve problems in more challenging situations every day.
When children have such thinking, they will not be afraid of setbacks.
Because they will be self-motivated and try to find a solution.
It's not the kind of situation where you collapse at first sight.
For example, some children feel that they are smart and have always scored high on the test, and the expectations of teachers and parents are also high.
Once he fails the test, different thinking often leads to different results.
I remember that a classmate who re-read the college entrance examination or failed the exam, he chose to give up on himself, even ordinary universities did not go to study, and later not only gave up reading, but also almost gave up studying.
You know, the exam is only once, which means only a moment, but the study is lifelong!
Children with a growth mindset are not easy to give up, more able to enjoy the process, easier to seek help, more resilient, that is, more perseverance.
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Let the child know his shortcomings and understand that this is not a shameful thing.
And through diligence and hard work will become stronger.
Let the child accept the "imperfect" self.
Of course, parents need to accept that their child makes mistakes and encourage him to try.
For example, when a child is frustrated, you can give him a hug or an encouraging look.
You can also pat him on the shoulder and give him encouragement.
Tell your child that I can understand your feelings, and no matter what the outcome, I will stand by your side and support you.
There are also too many parents who, as soon as they see their children frustrated, will immediately comfort, "Mom and Dad think you are the best in the world." ”
This kind of comfort effect is very good, but it is not a good thing for the child.
Why can't you explain it directly to your child?
For example, a long time ago, Little Fish and his cousin who was in elementary school built up wood at home.
The cousin piled up a castle at once.
But he didn't finish it for a long time, so he was a little angry and wanted to go to his cousin to get the materials.
I actually wanted to tear down my brother.
As a result, the two men fought.
When Grandma found out, she comforted the little fish: "Grandma thinks you are the best, don't cry!" Look at the castle you fought, better than your brother's."
"No," he cried.
Grandma's consolation was well-intentioned, but it did not bring him the answer he really wanted.
I used to sit next to them and ask my brother first. "How old are you?"
My brother was a little strange and answered me anyway.
I asked the little fish again, and of course he was still angry and didn't speak.
I said to him, "You see my brother is 8 years old, and you are less than four years old, and my brother is twice as old as you!" ”
Then he began to listen.
"That is to say, my brother has played with blocks for 4 years more than you, and he must have practiced more, and I think my brother is about the same as you at your age!"
It was much calmer at this point.
"Dad knows that you are definitely not as good as your brother when you play with blocks now, but I believe that after you continue to practice and grow up a little longer, you will definitely be able to catch up with your brother, and then you will compare and watch together, okay."
"Good!"
"Then let's continue practicing today, don't get angry!" What's the matter?"
The next step is to have fun.
We thought it hurt the child to tell the truth.
Not really.
Because the child doesn't feel humiliated or denied.
Because their age and experience are facts.
And the setbacks he encountered, only for these objective reasons, were related to insufficient practice.
Fortunately, these are all in my own hands.
Confidence that can bring change to children.
4
Parents should try to accept the sweat and hardships of their children, and have the "psychological resilience" to shape their children.
There are many parents who are reluctant to let their children suffer.
So from an early age, I thought of removing all obstacles for my children.
For example, Little Fish has a football lesson every week.
Once, because of the strong wind, several mothers told the coach if they could let the children practice indoors, because the wind was too strong.
As a result, the coach followed the advice and really took the children to the multi-purpose hall to practice.
I was very confused.
Originally, it was in order to let the little fish accept a little tempering before signing up for this class.
As a result, they were protected by these kind mothers.
Is this good or bad?
Pixar has a very wonderful animated film "Sandpiper", which won the 89th Academy Award for Best Animated Short Film.
In this, even in the face of the wind and waves, little Piper's mother dares to let go, is willing to trust the child, and silently accompanies, little Piper can experience the wind and waves, meet and enjoy the beautiful marine world.
The wisdom in this is worth learning and learning, thinking about how to cultivate children's ability to resist setbacks.
At home, I often share a few words with my son.
"It doesn't matter if you make a mistake, it doesn't matter if you don't do it!"
"It doesn't matter, do you think there's anything else you can do?"
"Once not again, I'm sure you'll always get it done!"
Cultivating a child's contrarian quotient begins with the acceptance of parents and the self-acceptance of children.
Because it means I respect you and love you.
You will find that the child is not so afraid of losing.
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