Wen 丨 Fish Daddy
1
A mother left a message saying that recently her child seems to like to be in opposition to everything.
You say west, he goes east.
For example, give him milk, he said not to drink, must be yogurt.
If he wants to read a storybook, he won't, he must watch cartoons first.
She said that before the child was very well-behaved, that is, when she first went to kindergarten, it would change.
In fact, everyone must have the same feeling: "Why do children always work against us?" ”
I couldn't understand what the little brain was thinking.
What do you do with children who are opposed?
Don't worry, children love to sing the opposite, maybe it's a good thing
Let's first see why children are in opposition.
2
Because their sense of self awakens.
Most children's first "anti-tone" stage should appear at the age of two or three.
Child psychology has a word called The Subway Two, also called Troublesome Two-Year-Old.
Psychologists have described children at this stage this way: "They are both independent and dependent, lovely and hateful, generous and selfish, mature and naïve. One foot is in the warm, comfortable, dependent past, and the other foot has entered an independent, discovery-filled future. ”
It's really vivid, because at this stage of the child, the self-awareness begins to awaken, they will say "I", find themselves originally independent, and no longer so dependent on the opinions of their parents.
When we ask them not to climb high, they will climb.
Say don't get the toys all over the floor, you're sure to throw them around.
The more you say "no," the more they want to do so.
And what you want them to do, you must not do.
When doing so, they will feel contented and see their own strength.
So will talk back to us.
This is an important stage in the child's psychological development, and we must respect and protect the child's psychology.
Don't think your child is deliberately disobedient and label them "rebellious.".
On the contrary, the more children who can be understood by their parents, the more independent and confident they will become.
3
Because children are eager to do what they love!
What do kids like?
In the picture book "If I Were an Adult", this is how children's thoughts are described.
Any child knows it, even a very young child.
Being a trickster is much more fun than being a good kid!
Being a good kid all the time is very boring and tiring.
Adults always say, "Don't mess around!" Do as I say! ”
Adults can wear whatever clothes they like;
If they hear a fire alarm, they can desperately stick their bodies out of the window.
If they feel hot, they can drink water at any time;
They don't have to go to bed when the TV show is exciting.
Adults can do whatever they want, but children can only do what adults say.
……
So, when we arrange things for our children that they don't like.
They will express their opinions.
Contrary to us, I just don't want to go to sleep, I just don't want to eat these fruits.
I just want to watch cartoons, I just like to be barefoot at home.
What to do?
Try to understand your children first and think from their point of view.
In this way, you can talk well, communicate with your child, and find a good way.
For example, if a child says that he wants to watch cartoons, he does not write homework or sleep, what should he do?
When you have this trouble, you must not have made this rule with your child before.
For example, when I watched cartoons with Xiaoyu, I set the rules very early.
When I was not in kindergarten, the rule was not to watch in the morning, we could go out to play or play at home, read a book, and we could.
After the afternoon lunch break, you can watch one or two episodes, usually about 30 minutes.
At night, I basically don't watch, that is, I tell stories after washing, and then go to bed early.
After school, the rule is not to watch from Sunday to Thursday, but to watch on weekends.
It's been a long time coming.
Some other habits are generally set first.
In this way, there will be no situation where the child does not listen to the nagging, but the child always does not listen and sings against you.
Some mothers will ask, what if the child does not listen?
There will be an agreed penalty.
For example, if the time cannot be controlled, if it always times out, the time will be reduced next time.
Even if you cry, you can firmly execute it.
Don't always use the authority of your parents to dictate how your child is.
Don't threaten your child with love, don't say, "If you don't do it, I won't love you." ”
4
Because they crave the attention of their parents.
There is also a kind of anti-tone, in fact, in order to win the attention of parents.
This situation generally occurs in families where parents have been absent for a long time, or in parents who often ignore the child's heart.
In the play "In the World", Feng Yue in middle school always contradicted her mother Zhou Rong.
The two mothers and daughters quarreled as soon as they met.
The main reason is the absence of the mother, who is born without raising, and has always been the aunt who takes her.
But her own heart still longs for that mother's love.
Once she told her brother that if she had a child of her own in the future, she would definitely take her with her.
With children, parents must give their children care, even if the conditions are bitter, if you can accompany them, you can feel the warm love, and there is sweetness in the bitterness.
If the child feels that he is not cared for, not understood.
For example, what I said, my parents didn't pay attention to it, and I always felt that it didn't matter.
Sometimes children will excitedly share their works with their parents, but many times parents do not look at it at all, directly say that they are good, or wait to see it, and finally do not go away.
Over time, they will feel that their parents do not care about them.
In the adolescent stage, such problems are more likely to be exposed.
Back then it wasn't just about being the opposite.
Perhaps the result is to face closed hearts, ineffective communication.
5
In fact, from a certain point of view, the child loves to sing the opposite, which is also a good thing, proving that the child has his own opinions and ideas.
Not the well-behaved baby who listens to everything arranged by his parents.
Don't argue with your child about a right or wrong in everything.
Sometimes I argue with the little fish, and I am angry with him.
But I told myself to be calm, and it was actually a good thing that he could contradict me.
Proof that he is thinking, though the ideas he sometimes insists on are not necessarily mature and not necessarily all right.
But from his point of view, it is also very good.
At the same time, we can also let parents pay attention to it, is it that we are not doing it right, is it necessary to change the way we speak?
Is he too authoritarian? Always command the child.
What if you're stuck with this question?
To sum up, there are three sentences:
Get your child enough respect.
There are equal opportunities for expression.
Feel loved and understood.
Really, raising children is a self-practice for parents.
If you think there's something wrong with your child, it must be the parents themselves who have gone wrong first.