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Wen 丨 Fish Daddy
1
Some mothers said that after finding out that their children went to elementary school, they seemed to have changed as a person.
Almost every day, I have to ask my son several times, "Did you do your homework?" ”
Sometimes when the child obviously has done his homework, he can't help but ask.
I feel like I have this situation too.
Even during the summer vacation, I find that almost every day I ask, "Did you do your homework?" ”
I don't know when it began, this sentence began to become the mantra of many parents.
It seems that after a while, I didn't see the child, and when I met, I would say it, like a greeting.
But every time he heard this greeting, the child was not happy.
Sometimes I get angry and say, "I've already done it, so why are you still asking me?" ”
Sometimes they simply ignore it and bury their heads in their own business.
No feedback was received, so they continued to ask a few questions until the child answered.
Therefore, we will often see parents who keep asking questions, and impatient children.
In fact, parents remind their children to learn and cultivate their children's good habits, which is the right thing to do.
But such a question, or such a mantra, sees the powerlessness and anxiety of parents.
2
When we are asking the child "Did you do your homework?" What was the child thinking?
What is the final result?
Some parents will say that this is for the good of the child and cares about the child.
But the child does not understand, but confronts the parents, or silent confrontation.
Why is that?
This is because the parents' point of focus has shifted.
If you care too much about your child's academics and homework, and neglect the rest.
All the child will feel is the parents' incessant questioning.
There are many parents who have not told their children "I love you" for a long time.
There is no time to play with the child, nor to chat well and listen to the child's thoughts and ideas.
Always busy with work or other things.
From primary school, even some children start from kindergarten, they spend time in training institutions.
After school is picked up by the teachers of the training institution and then from this institution to another institution.
When I got home, I was doing all kinds of homework and couldn't stop at all.
There's not much time to see your parents at all.
When they met, their parents were also busy with housework, or busy discussing homework and study.
As soon as the homework was done, I basically washed and slept.
The next day it continued, day after day.
If you think about it, you will find out.
The more time parents spend less time on their children, the easier it is to ask their children, "Is the homework done?" ”
There is also a category of anxious parents, the more anxious they are, the more they want to ask their children "How about this?" "Is that done?"
Because I am afraid that my child will fall behind, I will force my child to learn a lot of things.
Looking at the full class schedule, I feel more comfortable in my heart.
Seeing the child sitting in front of the desk, I feel at ease.
But the result of excessive anxiety is that it will make love pale and the ability to love become missing.
And how does the child feel?
Your child may be thinking, "Are you concerned about me or my homework?" ”
They will even protest with you and express their dissatisfaction by deliberately rubbing.
So what can parents do?
3
Ask yourself, do you trust your children?
If you have always trusted your child in life, you will often get some surprises.
And children will also be more confident and self-conscious.
One weekend.
On the little fish's schedule is written to do housework in the morning - tidying up the room.
After I reminded him that morning, he said yes and went to the room.
And I was in the living room doing my own thing.
As I passed by the master bedroom, I found him folding our quilts.
I glanced again at his room, the little quilt neatly arranged on the bed.
This really surprised me.
I remember when he was in kindergarten, I taught him to fold quilts.
But every time I fold my own little quilt, it's hard.
And now we can fold our quilts.
A child's abilities are sometimes really unexpected.
So after a few days, after lunch, I said teach him to wash the dishes.
It's also taller than the sink.
Then teach him to wash, and he can wash clean.
Then give him more opportunities to exercise.
We can also make it a lot easier.
The same is true in the arrangement of assignments.
Many mothers ask me how I tutor little fish to write homework every day.
When he was in the first grade, he had to take time out to tutor every time because he wanted us to read questions to him.
Then try to let him do it himself, asking us when he won't.
Thus began to cultivate his independence.
So in the next semester, it is basically done in the room, and then uploaded and handed in the homework after doing it.
Let's basically not worry about it.
For a while, because he did not have a schedule, after returning home from school, he basically soaked in the outside of class.
This requires us to remind him: "Has the homework been done?" Hurry up and go."
To be honest, I find it a little annoying every time I remind me.
And the little fish that is always questioned by us is sometimes full of reluctance.
I was struggling with myself in the plot of the storybook, but you told me to hurry up and do it, it was too late.
Sudden arrangements and interrupted readings were more annoying than we were.
Later, after consultation, we made a study life schedule together, and then everyone was much more comfortable.
There is no need to urge it like this.
And we gave him enough trust.
As long as he comes according to the arrangement, he will not interfere.
4
Awaken your child's internal drive and give your child encouragement and guidance.
When trusting children and encouraging them to do it, remember to stimulate the child's inner motivation and become active in doing it.
Since Xiaoyu was more than 1 year old, we began to read with him.
Nowadays, on the road to reading, we basically do not need too much push and reminder.
He would find his favorite book and read it over and over again.
I will also crave good new books.
Start with the first companion reading of the picture, and then read the simple story.
Then read popular science, fairy tales, children's literature...
We took him to taste the sweetness of reading.
After that, it felt like he was constantly moving forward, and there was a force driving him.
In terms of reading, in the cultivation of other interests and hobbies, I also hope that he can like it from the bottom of his heart.
As for us, the more important task is to stimulate this interest in children.
Saint-Exupéry said, "If you want people to build a ship, don't hire people to collect wood, don't give orders, don't assign tasks, but inspire their desire for the sea."
The same applies to children's education.
We can't always rush our children to learn.
Instead, we should accompany our children to do more and discover the joy of labor.
Let the child do science experiments and discover the mysteries of science.
Accompany your child to read and feel the sweetness of reading.
In fact, these are learning!
In the case of homework, parents have to spend more time outside of urging.
For example, there are many ways to solve a problem, so look for it together, so that children can get the fun of solving problems after thinking.
And many children, do not do homework because they will not, then consolidate the knowledge learned.
Let the child feel that this is not a difficult thing, nor is it really not something he will not do, but he has not yet learned to understand it.
With internal motivation, children will slowly understand that homework is part of learning, and learning is something they need to work.
The child's attitude toward homework will change, and they will take the initiative and do it seriously.
Encouragement and guidance are always more effective than criticism and blame on the way to parenting.
How to awaken your child's initiative and drive? It should be the direction of our efforts and thinking.
Let's move on.