Outline of Wild History, No. 57
——Outline of Noshi——
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Chinese culture has a long history, since ancient times, China has been a state of etiquette, and there is a set of etiquette norms for marriage and funeral. In order to facilitate summarization and memory, the ancients summarized them into a concise and concise sentence.
Marriage and funeral, marriage is the first word, so the ancients attached great importance to marriage, and they are also very particular. This is the case because marriage is of such importance to a country and society, representing a combination of two or even more families, taking on a responsibility that connects two generations.
For marrying a wife, the ancients summed up "it is better to marry a dead husband and a widow, than to marry a living Han wife", how much reference significance does it have today? Before discussing this question, it is necessary to find out how this empirical statement of the ancients came about.
01 It is better to marry a widow than a living Han wife, the experience of the ancients
First of all, to explain the meaning of this sentence, "widow of the deceased" as the name implies is the widow whose husband has died, which is what we usually call "widow". A "living wife", as the name suggests, is a person whose husband is still alive, and since he can marry, it means that he has no relationship with his original husband. In modern times, it is a divorced woman, but in ancient China, the scope of the reference was not so large.
Women in ancient societies were at a considerable disadvantage, and a series of rules such as the three from the four virtues bound them, one of which was that there was no divorce. In ancient times, only "repudiated wives" were not divorced, and once the husband was still alive, the wife was driven home, which at that time seemed to be a "serious crime".
At that time, if you do not honor your parents, do not respect women's morality, and cannot raise offspring, these problems may be divorced, but it is undeniable that there must be a change of man's heart, want to add sin and other reasons, forcibly divorce his wife.
This makes the woman's rights and interests have no way to be protected, and people in the outside world do not know what is going on, but they only know that this woman has been suspended by her husband's family, and she must have made a big mistake. In order not to cause trouble for themselves, they often take the approach of avoiding it, and over time there is a saying of "not marrying a living man's wife".
For the widows, the ancients actually cared more, because at that time there was a saying called "wife Kefu", some people were worried that their lives were not hard enough, so they also respected the widows.
It is only in comparison with the latter, because there is a "Ning" word hanging in front of it, and it is better to marry a widow, but if there is another choice, they are still unwilling to marry such a woman. In fact, before the Tang Dynasty, people were not so repulsive to widows, which also had a lot to do with the cultural background of different dynasties.
02 I would rather marry a widow than a living wife, and now I can learn a few points
With the development of time, history will eventually become the past, so how many points can learn from the experience left by the ancients. Xiaobian points out his own position, I think the experience of the ancients in this regard is almost zero.
First of all, "dead husband and widow", husband and wife, no one is willing to go first, but many times the reality is so helpless. The other side goes first, leaving one person alone in the world, who is pitiful and helpless in themselves. If it is convenient and willing, how can it not be a good thing to accept a poor man?
People's hearts are all flesh, can treat each other sincerely, I believe that the days will get better and better. As for what wife and husband, there is no scientific basis at all. Xiaobian firmly believes that happiness is created by hands, and it does not matter whether a person lives long or short, what is important is not to waste every minute of living in the world, which is the most important.
The argument of not marrying a "living wife" is even more untenable in comparison, feelings need to be paid by both parties, and they can be combined, and if they can't be combined, they will be divided, and everyone has everyone's freedom. A failed marriage may be a tranquilizer for both spouses, allowing each other to calm down and cherish each other more when they meet a more suitable other.
But children are always a common connection point for both parties to divorce, and when your current wife and her children and ex-husbands accompany the crystallization of their love, it is a big psychological burden for the current husband.
This needs to be treated dialectically in real life. After all, this is the truth, when you accept each other, but also accept each other's past and future, this is the fact in front of you.
03 Afterword
Many people think that the former is better than the latter, but in fact, the former can no longer meet her ex-husband, and the woman can only live in the memory even if she is nostalgic. But the latter is different, they often worry about the resurgence of old feelings between the two sides, and there are many incidents around them. But that doesn't mean everyone is like this.
When choosing a partner, you still have to choose each other dialectically, if you recognize each other, you have to accept everything about her, you have to believe that your efforts will not be in vain, and happiness will eventually knock on the door.