In the past three years, many cities have seen a wave of divorces. The epidemic is like a "mirror", so that the problems in marriage are infinitely magnified... Why has the pandemic caused the divorce rate to rise? Is there a way to keep love fresh?
The epidemic has made marriage precarious?
Being at home for a long time is very easy to escalate the contradictions between husband and wife, and small things are amplified. Many people said that after staying at home almost every day for three years, the two lost their original passion and became more like "roommates".
According to Yale University social psychologist Steinberg's famous theory of love, the love triangle theory, all kinds of different kinds of love can be composed of three components: intimacy, passion, and commitment.
Intimacies, commitment to each other, and infatuation and passion for each other are indispensable, forming an equilateral triangle, which is an ideal and perfect love.
But after getting along for a long time, it is inevitable that you will feel that you are tired of watching each other, and the relationship between the two people has slowly changed from love to family affection... The lack of passion, so that the perfect love triangle is missing a corner, may lead to the end of some people's marriage.
How can you keep your marriage fresh and passionate?
A little trick to keep love "fresh"
Learn to fight properly
Don't think that quarrels are a bad thing, quarrels themselves are a signal that a person has strong thoughts about the matter that need to be vented, and quarrels can force the other half to take the matter equally seriously. Many people feel that quarrels are not good because the result of the quarrel is negative, not only does not solve the problem, but both people also say cruel words that they hope can be withdrawn, making the relationship worse.
But if you learn to quarrel correctly, then quarrels can allow two people to adjust and adjust their feelings in time.
One study found that 40% of negative emotions in love are not expressed, but when arguing, both parties can put aside their usual concerns and express their negative emotions. Therefore, through quarrelling, we can know what the other party usually holds back from saying, understand those things we do wrong but do not know, and the partner endures silently, and we can actively adjust the way the two people get along according to each other's needs, so as to make the relationship between the two people more intimate and harmonious.
Not only that, if two people learn to quarrel correctly, when they reconcile after the quarrel, it will also rekindle the passion in the relationship between the two people.
How to quarrel properly? It is recommended that you can sign a "quarrel contract" in the process of daily getting along.
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The first step in a quarrel contract: draw up the terms
Don't say anything or personally attack when you quarrel, so in the quarrel contract, two people can write where their bottom line is (for example, you can't mention "divorce" when you quarrel, you can't "turn over old accounts" when you quarrel, and write out in advance the terms that you mind the most and are most likely to cause side effects of quarrels).
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Step 2 of the quarrel contract: formulate the "safety word"
Everyone knows that the most terrible thing about quarrels is that emotions are difficult to control, they will only hurt each other, and they will not solve the problem. So if either of the two people finds that this quarrel is already a negative quarrel, then it is possible to say the "safe word" formulated by the two people, stop the quarrel, and the two people enter a cooling-off period (Cold War period).
Many people are curious, if during the Cold War, two people have to save face, then isn't the relationship more rigid?
You can try to end the Cold War with these three methods after the gas is dissipated -
1. Pretend not to find something
For example, you can pretend that you can't find the clothes you want to wear to work tomorrow, ask your partner to help find them, and after you find them, you can naturally hug each other and talk with a calmer mood, and the purpose of reconciliation will be achieved.
2. Find a thing that requires two people to do
To give another example, for example, the husband can quietly tighten the bottle caps at home, and when the wife needs it, he has to turn to his husband, and the two people naturally end the cold war. Of course, the wife can also pretend that she cannot unscrew the bottle cap and take the initiative to end the Cold War.
3. Communication via the Internet
Sometimes two people talking face to face are easy to be emotionally unstable and angry at every turn, so you can try online chat and share each other's thoughts with text. If you don't want to say anything about the quarrel you had at that time, you can also share some videos on the Internet with each other to ease the conflict. Even sending a meme after deflating can give a signal that the quarrel is over.
A new hobby allows you to regain your passion in life
In fact, many couples lose their passion because life tends to be regular and dull, and the things they do and experience every day and year are similar, and it is indeed difficult to maintain passion. So be sure to learn to find new "stimuli".
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Constantly accumulate new material to communicate with your significant other
If the topics of daily conversation are only the short topics of parents, work troubles, and gossip of old friends, slowly chatting will tend to be boring. So you might as well read more books, news, movies that you don't usually read, and share them with your partner.
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Increases the shared experience of stimulation
Two people can explore things that they have not experienced in life together, such as the first time to skydive, the first trip to Antarctica, some common experiences that both people find fresh and exciting can help maintain the passion in life.
An authoritative test to find out whether you and your significant other's love personality match!
Next, a professional personality test question is prepared for everyone, you can pass this authoritative test to see if you match your other half of your love personality.
Xiaofeng Emma:
Tips: You can bookmark this article, wait until you and your other half have time, calm down to answer the questions and analyze your love personality according to the score!
There are 50 questions in the table below, you need to do a self-assessment of 1-5 points for each question, the score is 1 point of complete disagreement, 2 points of slight disagreement, 3 points of neutrality, 4 points of slight agreement, 5 points of full agreement, you need to write down your own rating. For example, in the first question, I think I am the core person of the party, but I have not always been the core person, if I agree slightly, give myself a score of 4, you can record 1 on your mobile phone or paper. 4 points; 2. 3 points; 3. 5 points... And so on.
You only need to do the answer to the question, according to the position of parentheses (), fill in the table, and then do addition and subtraction calculation, calculate the total number to get the answer to the test, fill in the answer as follows:
If you fill in 3 points in the first question, 1 point in the 6th question, 4 points in the 11th question, and so on... Then you can calculate that the score of E is: 20+3-1+4-2+5-1+3-4+1-2=26 points!
The score of the five options can be from 0 to 40 points, and you can compare the scores of the other half line by line to get the total score of E, A, C, N, O.
What do E, A, C, N, O stand for?
E—Extroversion
Extraversion refers to a person's willingness to socialize, willing to communicate and share with others, people with high extraversion scores tend to like to socialize, people with low extraversion scores tend to be more "homely" and prefer to complete their own things independently. In love, the extraversion scores of two people are best similar, and the more similar the two people's love personality match.
A—Pleasantness
Agreeability reflects whether a person changes his behavior in order to adapt to others, that is, whether he is willing to give for others and whether he is willing to please others. People with high Agreeability scores tend to make people feel polite, get along well, and have high emotional intelligence, while people with low Pleasantness scores tend to speak more bluntly and sometimes offend easily.
In love, it is best if one party has a high pleasant score, the relationship between the two people is easier to maintain, if the two people's pleasant score is low, then it is often easy to quarrel and the relationship is more difficult to maintain.
C—Accountability
Conscientiousness is a personality trait of honesty, hard work and responsibility. People with high responsibility scores tend to follow the rules and have a tidy home, while people with low responsibility scores tend to be somewhat "sloppy" and have a relatively higher probability of cheating.
It should be noted that long-term, stable love often requires two people to have high responsibility scores!
N—Neuroticism
Neuroticism refers to a test of the stability of a person's emotions. People with low neurotic scores tend to have greater mood swings and are more likely to have moodiness and negative emotions such as depression, anger, and anxiety. People with high neurotic scores tend to be emotionally stable.
In a stable love, the higher the neurotic score of both people, the better, if both people have low neurotic scores, then it is easy to quarrel!
O—Openness
Openness refers to the personality trait of whether a person has a desire for something new. A person with a high openness score may be more creative, curious, and adventurous, and will also be a person with a dream. A person with a low openness score is a down-to-earth person who enjoys routine and predictability in life.
If two people have similar openness scores, the more stable the love!