After the new policy of the Ministry of Education came out, parents were confused...

In the past two days, the Ministry of Education's notice requiring "every child to learn to cook" has aroused heated discussion.

Seeing this notice, Xiaobian clapped his hands and praised it while feeling deeply confused: Our next generation, the ability to take care of themselves has been so poor that it needs the Ministry of Education to issue unified guidance?

I don't know when to start, many parents now take pride in all-round "care", except for learning, do not let children touch anything.

As a result, when it comes to college and leaving their parents to live independently, these children who lack the ability to take care of themselves are exposed.

In fact, these parents who arrange their children's lives are often too worried about their children, which leads to excessive force, and they can't help but do everything themselves.

For parents who have such ideas, they may wish to take a look at this article from Teacher Huang Yuling, let go of obsession, and be a relaxed parent.

The idea of relaxing parenting may, in itself, increase the tension among parents. Many of the parents I've interacted with have mentioned that they really want to relax.

Even, in some specific things, worry about whether you have not relaxed and not reduced the pressure on your children? From these parents, I see that they really want to love their children too much.

"Mom, I'm hurt" inner page Liu Na

These parents are almost always aware, how is it best for their children? When you think about it this way, you are already on the road to anxiety. When relaxation becomes a goal, all the energy is spent on "I want to be a relaxed parent."

A slight deviation, a little reaction that does not match expectations, may be anxious again. This doesn't really relax. I call this type of parent "too hard parent."

Wishes are wonderful. Give your children love, attention, support and help, and even rush out to solve problems for them at the first time... These are understandable emotionally.

1

As a mother of two, I know how much we wish we had fallen and that the children would not fall again. How we want to clear all the obstacles for them. However, the children do not seem to accept the hot gifts from their parents. They confront, or run away. Parents can't help but ask: Are we doing something wrong?

You're not wrong, you just did too much. When parents have to do everything in detail, they may not think that for their children, their growth space is being squeezed.

There is a stage in the growth of a child to take care of everything, such as conceiving him and taking care of him completely when he is born. But as he grew older, this part should be reduced accordingly. The reason for this is to give the child the opportunity to gradually develop a sense of control over the world and himself. He needs to have the opportunity to keep practicing.

Many parents often feel that their children's rooms are messy, and instead of letting their children do it, it is better to do it themselves. Over time, children will feel that these things are what parents should do. This is certainly not the outcome that parents want.

The child will always grow up, and one day, you find out that he is 12 years old and still relies on you to prepare clothes for him every morning. You're bound to be frustrated, even angry. Maybe also accuse him: Why are you so inactive!

2

There are many things parents can do, but they can't cross the line. For example, when you give him the opportunity to practice, it's not that you just evacuate, no matter what, he loves it. Rather, you're on the periphery (maybe you're doing your own thing), and if he needs it, you're there, able to assist him.

Treat the child as an independent person with all sorts of needs. He will be vulnerable and have a need to be helped. He will be strong and have the need to take risks. He will feel competent and in need of a sense of accomplishment. He has the need to experience setbacks, and he also has the need to be alone.

When parents worry about their children, they actually treat their children as a very fragile child. But are children really that vulnerable? Or are we too scared inside and super nervous about the slightest reaction to them? Parents give opportunities, the child will slowly become stronger, and it is not too late to be aware of it at any time.

Are children really that vulnerable?

The child has his own rhythm. The inner tension of parents needs to be borne by themselves. From the perspective of systematic family therapy, it is believed that if a child goes wrong, it is more that the whole system is out of balance.

The tension of the parents is felt throughout the family, and the child will unconsciously cooperate with the nervous needs of the parents, making themselves very much in need of "being worried" and very much "being taken care of". When parents are truly responsible for their emotions, this situation will slowly relax.

The child was slightly injured, and the whole family was in a mess

How to take responsibility? It is very important to distinguish the boundaries. Which emotions are children's? Which ones are your own? The child's reaction is his own barometer. When children are too clingy, too mischievous, too confrontational... Parents first reflect on themselves, do they have some fears in pouring into their children? At this point, the common sentence pattern is: He always...

"Separating the Borders" also includes: What are the children's? Which ones are your own? Parents give their child support, but don't cross the line instead; give him inspiration rather than directly informing the outcome.

3

When a child encounters problems, solve them with him, so that he can learn from these problems and mistakes. When parents take care of their children and give support, children will understand what resources they can mobilize in the face of difficulties, and what kind of coping and changes they can do. At the same time, the child's ability is enhanced, and parents will also see the strength in the child's confidence, and they will naturally be relieved.

When you have a problem, solve it with your child

Maybe in the beginning, parents will be more tired, but I believe it is worth it. Once the child learns this method, learns this pattern of reaction, and internalizes the power of the parent, he will slowly find his own direction. As a parent, the premise of achieving relaxed parenting is to learn to take responsibility for your own affairs and your own emotions. When you treat the child as a growing person, learn to "see" this person, understand him, and accompany him, the parent-child relationship will naturally flow.

Let everyone take responsibility for themselves, and the relationship is naturally easy and comfortable.