What beats a middle-aged mother is not poverty, not homework, but the various operations of "pig teammates"!
Author | Coke Mom
Two days ago, there was a sister
Suddenly, a photo was posted in the group:
Just when a group of friends ridiculed her "where did the Meng Po soup come from",
The sisters added:
"Look,
That's how I got sick and bedridden all morning.
The big pig's hooves prepared lunch for me and my son.
Let's just say,
Food can be grounded,
But there is no need to ground the house,
It's really hard not to be suspicious
He actually wanted to send us both away together! ”
Ran Goose,
When we heard about this pot of "dark cuisine"
It turned out to be from the hand of the big pig's trotter,
But they all laughed at her mercilessly:
They're all.
How can it still be so naïve?
Some people say,
Dad is the most useless mother and baby product in the world.
But in fact,
When the mother understands,
"Useless" is already on the big pig's trotters
The most positive evaluation,
They were already thankful that they didn't help.
Isn't it coming to May Day soon?
As a senior middle-aged woman,
I want to remind those here
A sentence for sisters who still have illusions about their husbands:
Less than a last resort,
Don't use your husband as a laborer!
Watching husband do housework
Blood pressure soared to one hundred and fifteen
What about the husband of this creature,
Scientific name "husband", common name "pig teammate",
Folk nickname "big pig's trotter".
Before marriage,
Often disguised as deaf and blind, healthy limbs,
But with the passage of time,
Not only is his appearance more and more inflated,
Various parts of the body will also be lit up with red lights.
After getting married and having a baby,
First of all, you will gradually find that
In addition to the bed, the toilet and the mobile phone,
As if nothing could be seen:
The garbage that is about to overflow the garbage can,
He can't see;
The dishes in the kitchen sink stained with his son's saliva,
He can't see;
What's even more infuriating is that
Even because of the baby and the face is sallow, listless,
Wife with a hoarse voice,
He can also turn a blind eye.
secondly
You'll notice that something seems to be wrong with his ears too.
Specific manifestations are:
Never be optimistic
The man's mouth "got it".
Because countless experiences will tell you:
The chores you assigned to him,
The chores he heard,
and his final finished chores,
Can't say it's a dime.
It can be said that it is irrelevant.
Ran Goose,
Once you accuse him,
He's going to be more righteous than you are,
Guarantee to cure your years of hypotension in three sentences:
"Who made you not make it clear?"
"How do I remember saying so much?"
"As for being angry, how big a deal is it?"
Seeing that the big pig's hooves can't do housework,
I want to give him a field assignment.
Only then did I find out,
It turned out that his biggest problem was brain damage!
Cowpeas, edamame, and four seasons beans are silly and unclear,
Spinach, celery, oil and wheat vegetables are all green vegetables anyway,
Let the husband go out to buy a trip,
The wife can receive dozens of life-threatening calls from him at home.
The most exaggerated one,
It was he who actually called and asked me:
"Wife,
How the prawns sold in the market are all blue-gray,
I remember that I usually eat red? ”
How to say it,
There really can't be such a question without a decade of cerebral thrombosis.
I complained to my girlfriend,
Say you'll never get it
What's going on in a man's head all day long.
My girlfriend laughed and retorted to me:
"Don't say that,
Most men have no brains at all. ”
If only it had been,
I might think she's being alarmist.
But now,
I know that this is human sobriety.
Played with the baby for three minutes
The family is bloody and fishy
Maybe to a blind, deaf
As far as the brain-dead husband is concerned,
It's a little too hard to do housework.
So I decided to give him a different assignment.
There's no problem with letting him play with his son.
But it turns out that
I'm still a little too optimistic.
One weekend,
I'm going to rush for a document,
So I confessed to my husband the same way:
Read picture books with your son first;
Accompany him downstairs to play the ball for a while;
Finally, you can put one or two episodes of cartoons on him.
in a word
In the next two hours
Don't let him run over and call my mom.
The husband nodded solemnly:
"Rest assured,
Leave it to me to guarantee the completion of the task. ”
outcome
It's not been 5 minutes.
My son rushed over and knocked on my door:
"Mom,
Dad, he didn't spend time with me at all,
Just know to look at the phone! ”
I had to put down the computer,
Patience to educate big pig hooves:
"Parents are the best teachers for children,
While your child is reading, you are playing with your phone.
What would he think? ”
The big pig's trotter listened,
A thoughtful look.
I thought my words worked,
Half an hour later, I suddenly realized it
The house was eerily quiet,
Crept over and took a look:
Ooh
It turned out that there were two heads, one big and one small,
At the moment we are huddled together playing with our phones!
But even if the big pig's trotters put down the mobile phone,
Seriously started a game with the child,
Also beware of his goddamn desire to win or lose.
Even if the child cries,
He didn't budge any further.
Force the old mother to act as a policeman for a while,
Play the referee for a while,
You also have to be a peacekeeper from time to time.
After a while,
And then came from the living room,
The roar of the man and the cries of the child,
The big one swears and grins,
The mouth still kept muttering:
"I'll never play with you again!"
The little one had tears in his eyes,
Stumbling into my arms:
"Mom, look at him!"
really
Those pictures of quiet years, fatherly love and filial piety
It will only exist in the circle of friends,
And the real situation is always:
There are thousands of reasons for pinching each other,
Just do it without a word!
Grab the phone, grab the sofa, grab the snack,
It wasn't the son who came to me to sue Lao Tzu,
It was Lao Tzu who came to tell me about his son's suffering.
Looking at the way the two rookies peck at each other,
I think
breast hyperplasia and uterine fibroids,
It was probably my final destination.
Not accompanying reading also has a big opinion
It will only raise the bar and talk nonsense
If you let your husband do housework,
Accompanying the child just makes people's blood pressure rise,
That gave the task of accompanying the reading to the pig teammates,
Absolutely need the old mother heart bridge.
We don't know why.
When faced with the matter of accompanying reading,
Big pig's trotters always have a kind of lost confidence in the body,
He swore:
"I grew up and didn't make up any lessons.
Not yet the same as the 985,
My son is not far behind! ”
As a result, I personally went down,
Break the defense in minutes:
From calm heart to forced smile,
From a cold face to a gradual impatience.
ultimately
The man finally recognized one fact:
Accompanying reading does not necessarily make the son successful,
But it will be easy not to accompany yourself.
thereupon
He decisively chose to lie flat and mess up:
"It's all your mother who spoils you,
Nothing now. ”
Turning back,
Don't forget to throw the pot with care:
"You know what?
It is said that the little boy has an IQ of eighty percent
They are all inherited from their mothers. ”
But
Although it is not possible to accompany him,
But the husband's mouth refused to stop for a moment.
When it's my turn to help with homework,
He became my enemy in my past life, my opponent in this life,
Dismantle my desk everywhere:
I talked to my son about English sentences before I could sleep.
He said that sooner or later english would be kicked out by the "main subject";
I told my son that I had to keep practicing every day.
He said it would be computer typing anyway.
Not only that,
As long as I'm louder to my son,
He jumped out and stood at the center of the universe calling for love;
I'm kinder to my son.
He ran out again and said:
"Sure enough, I was spoiled by you,
No wonder this kid hasn't been big or small all day. ”
anyway
The son disobeys,
That's all because I didn't teach right;
Son out of the grades,
There must be some credit to him in that.
And send a circle of friends at every turn,
Let the melon-eating masses who do not know the truth mistakenly think
He is really a "good father" who is one in a hundred.
In fact
The vast majority of dads,
It's just a stumbling block on the road to motherhood.
Shut up and don't hold your feet
It's the only thing that mothers expect from them.
Two days ago,
I saw a sentence in an article:
"The passage of upward mobility is bound to be arduous,
And the door to downward flow is always open. ”
When facing her husband,
I think the same applies.
It's hard to get men to meet the standards of women,
But it's really easy for women to learn from men.
You just have to be proficient,
"I'll talk about it later", "Almost on it",
"Then why don't you go?" and other mantras,
And resolutely implement the "when making opinions like a trumpet,
Encounter problems pretending to be dumb" strategy,
You can quickly appreciate the happiness of men.
And what's even more amazing is that
Once Mom really lay flat,
When the father is also supported.
Heartache man is the beginning of the misfortune of being a mother,
Willing to use a husband is the real king.
So
Starting this Labor Day,
Learn to lie flat like a man,
That's our motto.
With this article,
For moms who have the same pig teammates as I do.