Author┃Ruoling Read aloud/Shiso
Guidance ┃ Guo Xinai Editor ┃ 丄学号
Guidance ┃ Guo Xinai Editor ┃ 丄学号
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Five rings essay let you write to fly, May 1st began to five consecutive days every night 6:00-7:00, Shanbo teacher in Shanbo education video number invited you to go to the composition journey, I am waiting for you in Shanbo education video number!
Xi Rui's words in "Strange Story" have aroused the deep thinking of many netizens.
He said he grew up in a single-parent family, and "there is no money at home, it is not easy to raise you" is the phrase he hears the most.
Once, he looked at the canned oranges in the supermarket for a long time and couldn't help but touch them. Grandma saw it and hesitated for a moment or bought him a can.
On the way home, grandma said to him, "This can can be worth the money for a meal." Hearing Grandma say this, the original sweet can made him feel bitter instantly.
Now, although he can make money, as long as he spends money, he will have a sense of guilt. Even if he was sick, as long as he was not seriously ill, he did not dare to go to the hospital.
Psychology professor Peng Kaiping once said: "Parents tell their children that we are short of money and are inferior to others, in essence, they are instilling a sense of poverty in their children, which will make children feel inferior and guilty." ”
Many parents think that their children do not understand the hardships of their parents, so they blindly cry in front of their children. But this kind of crying poor education has destroyed the child's heart.
Crying poor parents can't raise children who are rich in their hearts.
One
Parents cry about the growth of poor children
I felt, "I don't deserve it."
Someone asked: Parents are always crying poor, what is the impact on children?
The answer of a netizen has resonated with many netizens.
She said that the most painful thing is not the poverty in life, but the constant crying of poverty to you by your parents. This idea of poverty will make "I don't deserve" deep into the bones.
Indeed, the poverty of life will not hurt the child, and the parents cry to the child from an early age will leave a lifetime of trauma in the child's heart.
A netizen on Zhihu said that her parents loved to tell her that "there is no money in the family" since she was a child, which made her feel "unworthy" from an early age.
She never went to a well-decorated clothing store, much less did she dare to go to a designer store, because her parents told her from an early age that they could not afford to buy the contents.
So much so that in her subconscious, beautiful things she could only hope for.
Even if she has enough ability to buy it now, she will feel that she does not deserve it and will not dare to buy it.
This sense of "I don't deserve" in life makes her extremely insecure emotionally.
When in love, if the boyfriend does not answer her phone in time, she will be suspicious; without giving her a WeChat back, she will also be suspicious. She constantly asked for security from the other person.
Once she lost love, she fell into constant self-doubt and could not extricate herself, and the psychology of "I am not worthy" has been wrapped around her and affected her.
Freud's "shadow of childhood" theory holds that a person's traumatic experience, especially childhood traumatic experience, can have an important impact on a person's life.
Children who are cried poor by their parents from an early age are difficult to have self-confidence when they grow up because they have been in poverty and embarrassment for a long time.
Even in wealthy families, if parents stress too much on the hard-won nature of money or base the maintenance of money on the pain of their children, it is difficult for children to be rich in their hearts.
Parents constantly cry poor, which will only make the "I don't deserve" psychology devour the growth of children little by little.
Two
Parents cry poor to their children
Children will spend their whole lives curing their inferiority
In life, do you often say this to your children:
"This is too expensive, our family is poor, we can't afford it."
"When you are thirsty, go home and drink water, buy any drink, and have no money to buy it."
"What's wrong with wearing someone else's clothes?" Buy a new one, spend more money. ”
Many parents like to cry in front of their children, thinking that this will make their children more sensible.
But the fact is often that parents continue to create a phenomenon of poverty for their children, which will only make children fall into a deep inferiority complex and find it difficult to extricate themselves.
A travel blogger named Mr. Northern Wei on Douyin was deeply affected by it.
He was born in the countryside, and his grandfather made some achievements in the local area when he was young, so the family moved from the countryside to the county seat, and life was also a well-off family.
But his parents cried poorly to him from an early age. Although later he understood that his parents did this to make him understand that life is not easy.
But his parents' crying education once made him feel very inferior. This inferiority complex that had been rooted in his heart since childhood had influenced him until he joined the work.
When he was a child, he always felt inferior to others in front of others, and he did not have the confidence to do anything. After joining the work, there is also severe social phobia.
Later, as he struggled alone for a few years away from his parents, he slowly built up his self-confidence at work.
Children's scientist Adele Farber said: "Never underestimate the impact of your words on a child's life. ”
Smart parents will not often emphasize in front of their children that there is no money at home, but will show their children the truth of "one point of hard work and one point of harvest".
And parents often cry poor families, children often become sensitive and inferior, it is difficult to get rid of poor thinking, if the child itself does not change, perhaps this life is doing nothing.
Three
Parents pass on a positive attitude towards life
Only when children grow up do they have self-confidence
The book "The Nature of Poverty" mentions: "Poverty is a disease, and it will be inherited, in addition to bringing you habits, it will also bring you a poor way of thinking, will limit your thinking." ”
In life, parents pass on a positive attitude towards life, and children are more confident in their future lives.
Well, as parents we can do this:
01
Be honest with each other
Let children understand the expenses of family life
Li Meijin once said: "The sooner you talk about money with your children, the better, let the children know that making money is hard, and the children will understand the responsibility of helping the family share the economic pressure." ”
I saw a mother share on the Internet: when her child is 7 years old, she began to consciously involve her children in the family's living expenses, for example, she would take her child to the market to buy vegetables, and then only give the child 100 yuan to let him arrange tonight's food expenses.
At first, the child exceeds the expected cost every time, but slowly, the child can plan the money reasonably and understand the parents' difficulties.
Many children have no concept of money, so let the children understand the family's living expenses in advance, let the children know that it is not easy to make money, and the children will have a more sense of responsibility and motivation in later life.
02
Tell the child
Don't base your confidence on money
Fu Seoul once said in "Strange Story": "I will not tell my son that he is not smart, I will tell him that his family is not rich." But you're so smart, you're so handsome, you have so many shining points, why should you base your confidence on money. I will tell the child that there is none now, but there will be later, and I will not tell the child that there is none now, and it is destined not to be. ”
A person's self-confidence is not directly proportional to the amount of money. Therefore, parents should teach their children not to care about external materials and money, but to cultivate their children's inner wealth.
Let children not be afraid in the face of sufficient money, can afford to bear wealth, and when faced with insufficient money, do not complain about others, and are content and happy.
03
Parents cannot be arrogant
Have a positive attitude towards life
On Douyin, I saw an interview with Pang Zhongwang, a "hanmen noble son": his family was poor, his father was insane, his mother was paralyzed in bed, and the family lived by picking up scraps.
But he was optimistic and open-minded, self-improvement, and was admitted to Tsinghua University with a high score of 774.
Pang Zhongwang's optimism and open-mindedness were deeply influenced by his mother.
Despite her family's poverty and limited mobility, his mother always smiled whenever and wherever she wanted.
She also never said a single word of bitterness and tiredness in front of her children, and often encouraged her children to look forward and face life positively.
It can be seen that the poverty of the family does not affect the child's self-confidence, the key is the parents' attitude towards life.
Parents' attitude towards life is positive and optimistic, and children will naturally be optimistic and open-minded.
Four
Infect children with a positive and optimistic attitude towards life
Psychologist Jonathan Haidt believes that "the excessive emphasis on money is the main reason why most people feel unhappy." If children can have a healthy view of money from an early age, it is easy to get a happy mentality. ”
Parents often cry to their children and vent economic pressure on their children, which is likely to make the child's self-esteem frustrated, insecure, and even lead to the child's lifelong poverty.
And parents actively work hard to treat life, children will naturally have a full heart, but also can objectively look at their own situation, rationally plan their lives, and face their shortcomings calmly.
In this world, children do not have inherent inferiority, only parents who use the wrong methods.
As a parent, do not use crying education to destroy the child's heart, to infect the child with a positive and optimistic attitude to life, so as to stimulate the child's unlimited potential and achieve his colorful life.
Author: Ruo Ling, a mother who loves to toss and learn
Reader┃Perilla
Shiso, a native of Benxi, Liaoning, now living in Japan, has a master's degree, always keeps his curiosity, strives to be a slash youth, loves life, loves reading, and is eager to convey warmth and strength with sound.
Shanbo Education Guide ┃ Guo Xinai
Guo Xinai, principal of a primary school in Shenzhen, a first-class teacher, a family education instructor, an advanced educator in Bao'an District, served as the director of the Moral Education Office, engaged in education for 34 years, loves calligraphy and literary creation, and his works have repeatedly won awards in various calligraphy and literature competitions at all levels, focusing on the comprehensive quality education of youth growth, psychological education and parent-child parenting.