Author┃ Slash Girl Read Aloud ┃ Fang Fang
Guidance ┃ Guo Xinai Editor ┃ 丄学号
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Five rings essay let you write to fly, May 1st began to five consecutive days every night 6:00-7:00, Shanbo teacher in Shanbo education video number invited you to go to the composition journey, I am waiting for you in Shanbo education video number!
Recently, a "native family" hot search on Weibo has aroused heated discussion among netizens.
Blogger Sister G shared the story of her mother getting rid of the influence of the original family, netizens have left messages, it turns out that I can also not be affected by the original family, I can also live as well as G mother.
When she was 6 years old, G's parents often quarreled in front of her and her brother, and sometimes they would move their hands when they were in a hurry, making the family chickens and dogs jump.
Every time I went into the yard after school, someone always asked, "Have you seen your mother lately?" Do you want mom? ”
This has had a serious impact on G's mother's life, and she does not dare to cause trouble at school, and she goes home to hide from the neighbors and hides from the seven aunts and eight aunts.
When G's mother was 9 years old, she finally couldn't help but put forward her own opinions to her parents and took the initiative to find her father: "Otherwise, you are still leaving, I have lived with my grandmother." ”
After the divorce, the parents soon had their own families, but neither of them mentioned taking care of her and her brother, and they quietly followed their grandmother.
G's mother frankly said that it is very good to live with grandma, you can live quietly, go to school to study, grandma is also very caring, no mom and dad is also OK.
She said that she never doubted herself, and she felt that it was her parents who were wrong. G's mom has been studying hard, her grades are among the best, she is also very positive about life, and finally she also met someone who loves herself very much and has a happy family.
Living transparently and wisely, she is also very calm in the face of her parents, and she is reconciled with both parents.
It turns out that not all bad birth families ruin their children.
Since the popularity of the native family theory, many things can be attributed to the original family.
Some people say that their careers are not successful because their parents have been disciplined strictly since childhood; some people say that they frequently encounter scumbags because they lack love when they were young.
It is true that the imprint of the original family is indelible, but we can choose how to deal with it.
Understand these three things, and you can also not be affected by the original family.
01
Some parents just don't love their children
A netizen shared that her father was a gambler, who was often beaten and abused by his father when he was young, sometimes even intimidated, and the mother was also difficult to speak, and could only watch her daughter being beaten.
She said that she grew up in such a bad environment, and her biggest dream was to stay away from home.
Unexpectedly, on his 38th birthday, he was almost beaten by his father, but his husband stopped him. At that moment, she wanted to call the police, wanted the familiar stranger in front of her to be punished.
It was also at this moment that she understood: In this world, there are really parents who do not love their children.
Because of believing in parents, children always have delusions, and parents must love themselves, possibly because they are not good enough, so they fall into a strange circle of self-entanglement.
Keigo Higashino wrote in the book "Shisheng": "Pessimism is useless, everyone wants to be born in a good family, but they can't choose their parents." What kind of card is given to you, you can only try to play it as well as possible. ”
So first of all, you must understand that you do not owe such parents, if your parents do not give you a lot of love, then learn to give yourself more love, secretly save money to buy lollipops can also cure those unhappy.
On the runway of life, parents can only accompany you for a while.
Perhaps, before the age of 30, there is no money, no connections, a lonely personality, and no success can blame the original family.
But after the age of 30, you are your original family, so be brave enough to live your own life and stay away from the people who hurt you.
Just like Little Zane in "How to Be Home", when he understands that parents do not love their children, he first tries to prevent his sister from being sold, then he runs away with his brother all the way, and finally takes his parents to court.
I think that 12-year-old Zane understands the truth, we can also come out, the mistakes made by our parents, do not need us to bear, everyone can only be responsible for their own lives.
Don't force yourself to forgive, don't fight with yourself, favor yourself more, the world is gentler than you think, there will always be someone to love you.
If not, then find a preference for yourself.
02
Not being loved, not as serious as imagined
"Will a child who is not loved by his parents be loved by others?" asked a question, knowing that there was a high praise answer, she said: "It is precisely because I have not received the love of my parents that I am more entitled to be loved by others." ”
Ah Fang frankly said that she had never felt the love of her parents since she was a child, and since she remembered, it was her parents' preference for her brother, who wanted a toy room, so she vacated Ah Fang's room.
When I went to college and wanted to buy a computer, my parents said they didn't have any money, but they were just my brother in high school and already owned a desktop computer.
In order to buy a computer, Ah Fang worked in a hot pot restaurant in her spare time, and once went home on vacation, facing the family's consternation, she could not recover the collapsed emotions in time.
"You child, why don't you come back and say a word in advance?" We only cooked for three people, and Xiao Gang was still growing up. ”
Ah Fang yelled at her parents in a broken tone, "Are you the only child?" Can't you see me? Wasn't I born to you? Why on earth did you give birth to me? ”
The mother did not answer, but just pulled down a large mouth to say that she had raised a white-eyed wolf, and that night, she packed her bags and found the owner of the hot pot restaurant and asked if she could live in the staff dormitory.
Nevertheless, it does not prevent others from loving Ah Fang.
Teacher GaoShu has always liked Ah Fang, because she listens carefully to the lectures and can always ask some questions with depth, so she secretly gives Ah Fang a meal, whether it is life or homework.
Knowing Ah Fang's family situation, he bought a laptop for Ah Fang, saying that he bought it for his son, but he did not expect that his father also bought one, and he bought it just enough to give Ah Fang.
You see, not being loved by your parents is actually not as serious as you think.
As long as you have an optimistic heart for life, as long as you take a step upwards, you can always attract people who love you.
You have to believe that children who are not loved from an early age are the most entitled to love, because in this way, you have more time to pay attention to yourself, and when you start to love yourself, there will always be someone who will secretly love you.
03
The most important thing is how you see yourself
My mother was also born into an unfortunate family, my father was very old-fashioned, the two younger brothers were not angry, my mother could not speak, and she married alone when she was in her early 20s.
Grandma hated her for being small and unable to work, nor was she carried into the house by eight caravans, in fact, the deeper reason was that when her mother got married, Her grandmother's family did not come.
Therefore, in the early years, my mother was not happy. Marrying alone, no acquaintances, no friends, and no favor from the mother-in-law.
But she didn't give up on life because she told me that because she didn't want me to live like her, she had to try to live the way she wanted to be.
After work, my mother went to learn how to start a business and how to develop her second career. What I remember most when I was a child is that when it comes to the holidays, my mother will be alone in front of the book, while practicing how to grow flowers and raise flowers.
Later, my mother used her spare time to take the entrance examination as a horticulturist, and also opened a flower planting base, the income was high, and the happier people lived.
My grandparents are also very good to her, and they are even more pampered for me and my brother, and the things in the family basically don't worry about my mother, and my grandparents are responsible.
Mom said that she never minded how others looked at her, nor did she mind that she was not familiar with life, if there were no friends, she would go to make friends, and if she didn't get the likes, she would fight for it, and what she cared about was always how she looked at herself.
She always thought she was great, and it turned out that my mom was really good.
So, no matter what your situation has been, the most important thing is how you see yourself.
Belittling yourself will only make your life more unsatisfactory; embrace yourself, quietly work hard, and all unexpected encounters are on the way.
So, don't let the misfortune of the past deprive you of your right to be happy.
There is still a lot of fun in life, and may everyone who is deeply involved in it be able to get rid of the influence of the original family and accept the most authentic self.
04
Although it is not possible to choose to be born
But can choose how to live
Who we are, who we become in the end, is by no means determined by the 100% original family, and what can really determine the direction of our lives is our choice.
Stop using the original family as an excuse to refuse to grow up, no family is perfect, but we can live happily.
Those who have suffered in the original family can become valuable experience, and the biggest winner is to play the bad cards in their hands.
We can't choose our own birth, but we can choose how to live.
What your original family owes you will eventually be repaid elsewhere.
Author: Slash Girl, Post-90s Slash Girl, loves writing, loves life, and gains strength from persistence.
Reader┃ Fang Fang
Fang Fang, a native of Anqing, Anhui, loves singing and reciting; likes to cook various cuisines; has participated in the second singing competition held by the county and won the best popularity award; and has published many beautiful recitations on the public account of "Lei Chi Poetry Society", which is well received by the audience.
Feel life with your heart, interpret words with intentions, nourish your heart with your voice; love life, work carefully and seriously, be proactive; be gentle and humble in dealing with the world.
Shanbo Education Guide ┃ Guo Xinai
Guo Xinai, principal of a primary school in Shenzhen, a first-class teacher, a family education instructor, an advanced educator in Bao'an District, served as the director of the Moral Education Office, engaged in education for 34 years, loves calligraphy and literary creation, and his works have repeatedly won awards in various calligraphy and literature competitions at all levels, focusing on the comprehensive quality education of youth growth, psychological education and parent-child parenting.