Author ┃ Li Longyu Read aloud ┃ Li Longyu
Guidance ┃ Guo Xinai Editor ┃ 丄学号
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Five rings essay let you write to fly, May 1st began to five consecutive days every night 6:00-7:00, Shanbo teacher in Shanbo education video number invited you to go to the composition journey, I am waiting for you in Shanbo education video number!
The "Where Did Daddy Go" variety show is very popular with the audience, and in addition to entertainment, how celebrities educate their children has become a hot topic.
What impressed me was Huo Siyan's son, Hum, who not only studied well, but also cared about the people around him, the most prominent thing was his communication ability, and I couldn't help but sigh that Huo Siyan taught really well.
The communication between Huo Siyan and Hum is worth learning from our parents.
Once, Huo Siyan showed excessive care for the little guest Leo, and he was jealous and sulked on the side. In the face of the child's negative emotions, Huo Siyan did not preach or force the child to understand.
She first examined herself and felt that she had indeed ignored the feelings of Hum. Then, she sincerely told Hum: because Leo he looks like you, mom especially likes him, all because she loves you very much, and he is a guest, the guest is the first, to take good care of.
Hmmm raised his eyebrows at this time, indicating that he understood, so he untied the knot and learned the way of hospitality.
There is a saying in "The Art of Communication": "Communication and the companionship of others are one of the most basic needs of human beings." ”
Children are sometimes not good at expressing themselves, but parents should be good at observation, and can communicate positively with their children in time to guide them to say their ideas, rather than blindly preaching and forcing acceptance.
01
Parents who will communicate positively
Children are confident and brave
Marx once said, "For the sake of my children, my actions must be very gentle and deliberate." ”
Every word and deed we say has an impact on children, and communication is especially important.
In the episode of the variety show "Please the Refrigerator", Qi Wei shared her parenting experience with the public.
Once Qi Wei wore a beautiful dress, and Lucky, who loved beauty, also liked it and wanted that dress, but Qi Wei did not immediately agree to lucky.
She discussed with Lucky: This dress is for mom, you need to wear it to an important event, will you come back in the evening and give it to you?
When Qi Wei usually talks to Lucky, she will communicate with her daughter in a very formal tone about lucky's need for cosmetics, treating her daughter as an adult, communicating positively, rather than perfunctory.
It is precisely because lucky can get a positive response every time, so that she has become a confident and brave child, not afraid of the stage in front of adults, and when interviewed, she also answers like a stream and has a strong ability to express herself.
Qi Wei believes that we should have positive communication with children, not deceive children. We can't let the child think that she likes other people's things when she is young, and others should give her what she deserves.
It is impolite to force someone to give you something, you can ask for their opinions, and if others still disagree, you should not dwell on it.
Tyman. Johnson said, "Successful tutoring makes successful children, and failed tutoring makes failed children." ”
If parents can establish effective communication with their children, then the children themselves will understand the importance of communication, dare to express themselves, and know how to be considerate of others.
When children encounter unpleasant things in the future, they will express their thoughts first, rather than using violence to solve the problem.
In effective communication, children can also feel the deep love and concern of their parents for themselves, and they will feel the efforts of their parents to themselves, then they will also be gentle with the world and will become confident and optimistic.
02
Parents don't communicate positively
Children will also run into walls everywhere
Parents are the earliest teachers of enlightenment for all words and deeds in children's lives.
Parents will not communicate positively, children will be confused, will not express themselves, and life will encounter walls everywhere.
Wei Lai, the abuser in the movie "Young You", has a sweet appearance and excellent grades, but he is the initiator of school bullying.
She forced Hu Xiaofei to die, and said that Hu Xiaofei's death could make Hu Xiaofei's parents receive hundreds of thousands of compensation.
She pushed Chen Nian down the steps, shaved Chen Nian's hair, and took off her clothes to take pictures. In the end, because Wei Lai was afraid of Chen Nian calling the police and hoped to use money to settle this matter, Chen Nian, who could not bear it, accidentally pushed down the stairs and fell to his death.
What she did was outrageous, and we couldn't help but wonder, what makes a girl like this?
It turned out that she grew up in a family that lacked communication.
She failed the college entrance examination, and her father did not say a word to her for a year, let alone communicate and comfort. Such cold violence cannot be tolerated by adults, let alone a child in adolescence, so Wei Lai becomes violent and selfish.
Wei Lai's mother never understood her daughter's inner needs, and did not communicate positively.
When the police came to investigate, her mother told the police: "She is different from other children, and her father and I have given her the best education." She thought that good material conditions and good schools for Wei Lai were enough.
Even, seeing Wei Lai's body, her mother only cried a few times, and her father even angrily brushed his sleeves away.
Wei Lai's parents only use the extreme way of violent communication, causing Wei Lai's heart to be distorted and the whole family to be broken.
Edward said, "Factors such as family tensions, despotism of parents, disrespect for the personality of children, and non-democracy directly affect children's learning and life." ”
It can be seen that children who have not established effective communication with their parents since childhood, even if they are excellent on the outside, but their hearts are insecure, inferior, confused, light will not communicate, social difficulties, heavy hurt others and hurt themselves.
03
Parents establish effective communication with their children
Establishing effective communication is actually quite simple: set aside ten minutes a day to talk to your child about what happened today, let your child know that parents are willing to communicate with him, encourage your child to express himself, and support the decisions your child makes.
Liu Yiting, a Harvard girl, said that since she was in kindergarten, every day after school, her mother would invite Liu Yiting to go to the kitchen to participate in labor, such as washing vegetables, cutting vegetables, and then talking to Liu Yiting about school. Liu Yiting also likes to communicate with her mother in this way, and what happens in school, her own views will be told to her mother.
Her parents often taught her that "three stinky cobblers against one Zhuge Liang", so when she usually encountered problems, she would actively raise them in the family meeting, pool her wisdom and efforts, actively communicate with her parents, and obtain the help and support of her parents.
Liu Yiting went to the United States to study for 2 weeks in high school, and during these two weeks, she set the ideal of studying in the United States and returning to serve the motherland. However, in China at that time, most high school students still took the college entrance examination as the main way to further their studies, and Liu Yiting's application to American universities was a very small way to win.
Liu Yiting actively communicated with her parents, her parents let Liu Yiting choose for herself, and the family will support her in all aspects.
Later, Liu Yiting made an application to take into account both the college entrance examination study and the American colleges and universities, during the day at school she worked hard to complete the school's learning tasks, at night her parents drove her home, completed various application materials on the computer at home, wrote an application essay, and prepared for the TOEFL test.
In the end, she successfully received acceptance letters from Ivy League schools and Harvard University.
Her parents treated her as an adult, actively communicated with her head-on, and respected her every choice. Therefore, Liu Yiting can combine her own situation, make favorable choices, and stand out in the competition.
Rousseau said that "a happy family is a breeding ground for children to become adults, and the joy of family life is the best antidote to bad trends."
A happy family must be a family where parents and children establish effective communication.
04
Write at the end
Teacher Fan Deng said: "Whether a child lives with a reluctant mentality or embraces the world with a beautiful mentality, these influences come from the companionship and encouragement of parents in their children's early childhood. ”
Children are in the communication with their parents, gradually formed their own values and outlook on life, happy children, there must be parents who will effectively communicate.
Through effective communication, children say uncomfortable things, do not stuff in the heart, regulate their emotions, and they will be happier!
Through effective communication, children speak out about their confusion and frustrations, get more help and guidance from their parents, make adjustments in a timely manner, and make new progress, and they will be more confident!
Through effective communication, children gradually understand the thoughts and feelings of others, learn to be considerate and care for others, know the difficulties of others, and they will be more popular!
Through effective communication, children share their experiences and happiness, become a sunny person, bring warmth and positive energy to the world, and they will be more enthusiastic!
Parents and children to establish effective communication, children learn effective communication from their parents, is really winning at the starting line.
Author: Li Longyu, a post-80s mother, stumbled on the road of parenting, and also likes to constantly summarize and learn. Since childhood, I have loved literature and stories, and I feel that reading and writing things are a great pleasure in life. Words and stories are a kind of inheritance of human thought, a continuation of life.
Shanbo Education Guide ┃ Guo Xinai
Guo Xinai, principal of a primary school in Shenzhen, a first-class teacher, a family education instructor, an advanced educator in Bao'an District, served as the director of the Moral Education Office, engaged in education for 34 years, loves calligraphy and literary creation, and his works have repeatedly won awards in various calligraphy and literature competitions at all levels, focusing on the comprehensive quality education of youth growth, psychological education and parent-child parenting.