Children crying at every turn can be said to be a normal situation that we will encounter when we bring our babies.
But I believe that no parent will like their children to cry, so some parents will often say to their babies: "Don't cry!" ”
If words can't stop it, it will be stopped by scolding.
So what impact will this have on the future of the child?
Ⅰ
●Psychological problems
I know that a netizen shared his experience:
When he was a child, he loved to cry and lose his temper, so his parents would stop his crying with scolding.
There were many times when he, under the pressure of his parents, did not dare to cry loudly, but still sobbed uncontrollably.
But his parents were not satisfied, so they dragged him out the door until he was completely quiet.
Growing up, he believed that crying with sadness would only disturb others and was a sign of vulnerability.
So when he encounters something bad, he will desperately suppress himself and not allow himself to be sad and depressed.
Later, he became depressed, and the idea of ending his life often flashed in his mind.
The book Neglected Child: How to Overcome Emotional Neglect in Childhood argues:
The child's emotions are like flowing water, and the source is his heart.
If an obstacle is placed before the water, the water either bypasses the obstacle and changes the direction of flow;
Either it has to flow back to the source, which also means that the child will impose emotions on himself and hurt himself.
This netizen set up obstacles in front of his emotions, resulting in his emotions not being able to vent correctly, being depressed for a long time, and eventually hurting himself.
●Affects the normal development of the brain
A mother said that her husband did not like her daughter to cry, and as long as her daughter cried, she would say fiercely: "No crying!" ”
My daughter is now 5 years old, and she has never cried loudly like other children, and even if she is sad, she will turn her eyes upwards to prevent the tears from falling.
The mother of the distressed daughter was worried about whether this would affect the child, so she went to consult a psychologist.
The psychologist told her that if it does not change, it will seriously affect the child's physical and mental health and development.
Brain Science research shows:
When a child loses his temper, the brain grasps the two areas of emotion and reason, and a strong connection occurs, which is the best time to promote the development of the child's brain.
If you stop your child from losing your temper, it will hinder the normal development of your brain!
Children lose their temper and cry, which is a normal manifestation.
If parents do not allow this emotion to exist, then they are actually dividing the integrity of the child.
So, what should we do in the face of children crying?
Ⅱ
The British psychoanalyst Donald Winnicott proposed the concept of "holding".
This means that parents must hold the child physically so that the child is not harmed, and give the child a sense of security mentally.
Therefore, in the face of children crying and tantrums, we should catch the child's venting, rather than confrontation, and teach the child how to deal with emotions correctly.
This will help the child's mental health and development, so how to catch the child's emotions?
Step 1: Let the child vent
When your child is crying, let your child vent.
Like Humming accidentally stepped on the toy, it was very painful, angrily dropped the toy, sat on the ground and cried, Huo Siyan did not immediately stop Humming crying.
Instead, let Hum vent the bad emotions first.
You must know that not only children, but also adults, bad emotions vented out, the mood will be better, will be calm.
Step 2: Understand the causes of your child's emotional instability
After knowing the reason why Hmmm was like this, Huo Siyan first calmed Humming, asked and checked whether Humming was injured, and expressed his concern.
And when Hum sees his mother doing this, he will feel that his mother loves him, cares whether he is hurt or not, and the original bad mood will be much better.
Step 3: Enlighten the child
After humming slowly calmed down, Huo Siyan began to educate the behavior of just hum venting and littering toys.
She told Hmmm:
"We can't throw toys when we're angry, or our mother or someone else will be stepped on if they're not careful."
So when you encounter something so dangerous, you take it to your mother or teacher, or throw it in the trash, or put it in a high place. ”
So did the hmm listen?
He was on the beach, and when he saw broken glass, he would remember what his mother had told him, afraid that others would be injured by stepping on it like he was, so he picked up the glass.
Ⅲ
When children cry and lose their temper, it is actually the best time for our parents to educate their children.
As long as we deal with the child's bad emotions again and again, then the child will naturally learn a lot from you and become a good child who understands things and obeys.
If you lack scientific parenting experience and methods, it is all a whim to bring a baby. The method of educating children is still through the patchwork, which is definitely irresponsible for children and is not conducive to the healthy development of children.
So, do you also want to learn to communicate effectively with your children, hope that your children will develop good habits from an early age, and parents who are self-disciplined, focused and independent, it is necessary to understand how to cultivate children in the 6 years of primary school.
The author of this book is an excellent teacher who has been teaching for more than 20 years, and she has integrated her rich teaching experience and educational knowledge into this book. At the same time, she is also well aware of the pain points in children's learning and life, such as rubbing, partial subjects, poor concentration, low learning efficiency, indiscriminate spending, etc., and the book gives specific solutions.
First grade: Pay attention to cultivating children's good learning habits, helping children adapt to the time of primary school, etc.
Second grade: Find your child's interest points, make your child full of interest in learning, etc.
Third grade: Let the child change the bad habit of rubbing, learn to grasp the knowledge flexibly, etc.
Fourth grade: Escalate the difficulty of children's learning, teach children how to learn with less effort, etc.
Fifth grade: take into account the child's growth and learning, let the child establish a correct sense of competition, guide the child to make friends, etc.
Sixth grade: strengthen psychological counseling, reduce learning pressure, make children full of confidence, and so on.
At the same time, it also includes children's holidays, morals, abilities, communications, full of dry goods, no nonsense.
Through this book, parents can clearly understand how to guide and educate their children in the 6th year of primary school, cultivate the basic learning ability, and will not cross the river by feeling the stones, have no clue, and delay their children.
If you happen to have elementary school students at home, or your children are about to go to elementary school, you may be able to find a solution whenever you encounter a problem.