Text | Rice grain mom
It is rare to have a winter vacation without extracurricular classes and no homework, and the primary school students downstairs get together and have fun, refusing to miss every inch of sunshine.
This is really the same as the rice grain mother in the "end of the term is all "excellent", Puwa winter vacation plan is only left to play??? As written in the book, the children are on vacation and free!
The rice grain mother came home early one day, basked in the warm winter sun in the community for a while, and waited for the rice grain to go home together.
It didn't happen to coincide with a wave of "regimental warfare", and that position was a bit scary to think about now.
The two groups of children in the "regimental battle" are all in their teens. One played at the gym equipment, and the other played in the open. Each group consisted of six or seven children, both boys and girls.
I don't know who kicked the ball to the side of the fitness equipment and flew past a boy with a horizontal bar. Startled the boy, but fortunately he reacted in time and did not fall.
He started looking for the perpetrators from the horizontal bar, and the children who played the ball were a little weak-minded, muttered and looked at each other, and then walked over to get the ball together.
The boys who played the ball still apologized responsibly, took the ball and prepared to leave. Suddenly, a girl rushed from the gym equipment camp and stopped in front of them.
The girl crossed her hands, tilted her head halfway, and shouted at the boys who were kicking the ball, "Kick people and leave, is there such a cheap thing?" ”
The stopped child knew that he was wrong and did not argue, said sorry again, and took a few steps forward.
The teenage girl slapped off the basketball in the boy's hand with one hand and punched the boy in the chest, "Itchy skin, I'll hit you with a long eye, let you have a long memory." ”
The boy who was beaten was a little angry, presumably seeing that the other party was a girl, raised his fist but did not fall. The girl thought she was going to be beaten and instinctively hid. When he found out that he was fine, he suddenly changed his look and shouted:
"Hit people, beat people, so many people bully a woman, you really have the ability."
Rice's mother dropped her jaw in shock. This girl... Isn't it provocative?
The boys in the fitness area heard the girl being "bullied" and quickly surrounded her. A tense confrontation, the flames of war are about to erupt!
The mother who was basking in the sun next to the rice grain mother could not sit still, watching her child in the ball. She ran quickly and pulled the children away, so that the war did not start.
The more she looked at it, the more frightened she became, this girl was really a master of provoking "war", being her friend, and the probability of fighting and making trouble was too high.
If the grain of rice was her friend, that would be too worrying.
Such a "poisonous" friend, there is really better than nothing!
To say that parents are for their children is really broken.
Children play without friends on their own, worried that children are too lonely to integrate into the social environment. When a child has a friend, he must always worry about the quality of his friend and fear of bringing bad influence to the child.
Just like the girl who aggressively provoked the "war" just now, this "troublesome" physique, who looks at it and does not pinch the sweat for the friends behind her!
In the matter of children making friends, the most worrying thing is the friend who has a problem with the character. Children do not yet have the ability to fully distinguish and are easily biased by "bad" friends.
Migrain's mother remembered Xu Xiao in the film "Young You", is it a little strange to hear this name?
In the film, Xu Ming's shots are not many, she is a small follower of Wei Lai in the school bullying trio, in a sense, Wei Lai is her friend.
Once, when the three of them were chasing Chen Nian, Chen Nian hid in the trash can. Xu Xiao heard Chen Nian's mobile phone ringing and found Chen Nian.
But she didn't tell Wei Lai that she had let Chen Nian go once, which showed that she still had a trace of goodwill in her heart.
Xu Xiao, who is a little kind, became a bully who bullied his classmates, and finally took the punishment on his back and dropped out of school to go home, wei Lai's friend "cannot do without merit".
When MiGran's mother saw Xu Miao, she thought that for her, if she did not join wei Lai, she might become the object of bullying like Hu Xiaofei and Chen Nian.
She aided and abetted abuse, did evil with Wei Lai, became a bully, and eventually could not escape being bullied and punished.
Such a toxic friend as Wei Lai's influence on people is really too great. The dilemma that Xu Xiao is trapped in may become a nightmare for every child, and it is difficult to completely get rid of it by the child himself.
Friends with problems with their conduct belong to those who have hard injuries, as long as parents pay attention, they can also see the clues from his style of behavior.
There are also friends who don't seem to have a hard injury, but the child is unhappy and sad to play with him. Such friends are also toxic.
Rice grain used to play with two boys in the neighborhood. The two boys are in the same kindergarten, and their mother also works in the same company, belonging to friends who play from childhood to adulthood.
Rice grain and they met after elementary school, sometimes boys play games that require a lot of people to participate, rice grain will naturally join them and become friends.
The first time they had a good time, the three of them were often the last of the kids to be summoned home.
But after a while, the situation changed, and the rice grains always took the initiative not to play, and they had to go home early.
The grain complained to me, saying that every time I played football, it was the two of them who made a stroke, and the grain of rice itself.
At first, the rice grain still felt that he was too strong, and they couldn't kick him (this is the original words of the rice grain, it is so confident)
But then the confidence of the rice grain slowly disappeared. The two men always said that he was stupid and could not play football, and after saying that, they also had a tacit understanding of each other, and then laughed.
The grain of rice thought that they were joking, and they also laughed silly, and when they listened too much, they couldn't laugh out, thinking that they were really stupid.
Even so, the rice grains would still play with them after school, and then go home sullen.
The always confident rice grain began to doubt herself, and the rice grain mother really couldn't look at it.
I asked the grains of rice, "Do you have fun with them?" ”
Rice grain thought about it seriously and replied, "I used to be quite happy, someone played football together, but now I am not happy!" ”
Looking at the way the grain of rice was wronged, I felt bad in my heart, so I did a "bad guy" who provoked dissension.
"You like to play with them, you treat them as friends, but the two of them say you're stupid, and you're not happy, which means they don't care about you and don't treat you as friends." Why would you want to play with them? ”
Maybe it was my words that made the rice grain feel that he was "hot face pasted cold ass", and his face was a little hanging. For the next few days, he deliberately did not play with the two boys, but his eyes were always on the movements of the two men.
Of course, the grain of rice was not idle, and played with the children of all sizes in the community, and actually had a lot of fun, so happy that they forgot to glance in that direction.
The two boys who had made the rice grain unhappy were replaced by happy friends.
American psychologist Dr. Irene Leonard pointed out that the most dangerous thing about "poisonous friends" is that they always have a way to make people feel inferior, anxious, and uncomfortable, thereby eroding a person's self-awareness and damaging his mental health.
Playing with friends is to be happier, and if there is always someone who is unhappy, then the friendship is problematic.
Every child may meet friends who make him unhappy, and he will also meet friends who are happier and happier the more they play. There are comparisons, and children can know more clearly what kind of friendship is a real friendship.
Now the grain of rice, has its own good friends, although occasionally will make a little trouble, most of the time is still happy to fly, always play enough of the kind (now the little boys are making friends like this?). ）。
On the issue of children making friends, the rice mother feels that parents cannot stay out of the matter.
In the movie "Our World", Li Shan, a 10-year-old girl, is isolated by her classmates and betrayed by her only good friend. Mom saw her test paper full of red crosses and noticed her change.
Mom wanted to talk to Li Shan, but she didn't get an answer. Mom was so busy, with a bunch of things at home and having to take care of Li Shan's young brother, she gave up looking for answers.
Li Shan's father did not think that the child could have a problem, in his eyes, what can the child do, go to school and study, and play with friends is not good!
Therefore, Li Shan could only face all this alone.
Li Shan's father's attitude towards his children actually represents many parents. They feel that the child's world is simple, food and clothing are worry-free, every day is to go to school, play with friends, how happy to be happy.
They don't realize that in their children's circle of friends, they can also be in danger.
For example, when a child encounters a toxic friend, like Xu Mi meets Wei Lai, she herself is powerless, and how to choose is dangerous.
Dr. Irene Leonard once wrote in Psychology Today that if a child's new friends are more hurt than happy, and bad behavior is more than progress, then it can be judged as a poisonous friendship.
Children are unhappy, and the more they learn, the worse they get, and such a poisonous friendship must be vigilant.
We want our children to know that making friends is for fun.
Sometimes, in order to maintain a friendship, children will seek perfection again and again, just to make friends happy.
When we find that the child has this behavior, we should be vigilant in time and teach the child to describe how he feels in this friendship, is it happy, fearful, sad or angry?
If you are not happy, you must think carefully, is it necessary to continue such a friendship?
For the bad habits of friends, we can talk openly and honestly with our children and let them judge right from wrong.
Finally, the rice grain mother wants to say that the child is her own social subject after all, and we can't replace the child.
But we can teach him the principles of making friends, so that children can find true friends and stay away from poisonous friends!
About the author: @Rice Grain Mom Love To Share (Welcome to Pay Attention), American returnee, Haidian parent, when the first place in the new book list "Parent-child English Book That Affects Children's Life" author. Focus on the scientific parenting of 0-5-year-old babies, learning enlightenment, and the world's novelty recommendation, welcome to pay attention! (5-12 years old bao mom please pay attention to: @ rice grain mother channel)