Text/Shadow
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Women don't understand why contemporary men are so repulsive to the bride price, which has been a marriage ritual that has been passed down on the mainland for thousands of years and should not have been abolished.
But why do men often jump because of the bride price when it comes to talking about marriage?
I once did an online survey on this subject, and in thousands of responses, I saw at least 80% of men have a similar view: what they reject is not a bride price, but that they obviously spend money but can't marry a clean girl.
Many men complained directly: "In a small hotel of tens of dollars, she handed over her most precious things, and did the things of being a wife in a rental house of hundreds of dollars, but when talking about marriage, she asked the person who stayed with her all her life to ask for a room and a car and a bride price." ”
Such a reality has to be lamented.
"Value for money" must have resentment
I once read a news article:
The man spent 200,000 dowry to marry his wife home, and on the wedding night he found out that she was not finished, and after cross-examination, the wife finally admitted that she had lived with her ex-boyfriend for two years.
The man could not bear such a blow, and on the second day he drove his wife home and sued for divorce, demanding that the bride price be returned on the grounds that the wife had cheated on the marriage.
Although the mosaic is played, you can also vaguely see from the news that the wife is very beautiful, and presumably such a woman is also very popular with men in real life.
But liking and loving are two different things, and falling in love and getting married are also two different things.
Men may chase after her because of her youthful beauty, but it's hard not to mind her past and marry her, especially if it's a big bride price.
Men's resentment of the bride price often comes from "not worth the money", and he feels that women are not worthy of the bride price, which is why they are so resistant.
Women will feel aggrieved because of this, but if they look at this issue from a man's point of view, it seems that everything is reasonable.
You spent 2,000 yuan to buy a dress at the mall, and later found out that the dress was bought by someone else for 30 yuan on the stall.
You were unwilling and angry, so you immediately ran to the mall to make a big fuss.
This is a contradiction caused by the value of money, such as buying clothes, and it is also true of talking about marriage.
Marriage is a lifelong event, and it's hard to have a man willing to spend two generations of savings marrying a woman who has been owned by someone else.
Value or not, the payer decides
Everyone has heard the story of "Buying And Returning Pearls", a Chu people have a beautiful pearl, in order to sell a good price, he spent a lot of effort to tailor a very exquisite box for it.
After getting the market, it attracted a lot of people to watch. A Zheng Guoren took the box and loved it, and finally bought it at a high price, but after buying the box, he actually took out the pearls inside and returned them to the Chu people.
Whenever this story is mentioned, everyone always laughs at Zheng Ren for only looking at the surface and not understanding the true value of the goods.
But everyone ignored one thing, from the beginning he did not come to buy pearls, he wanted nothing more than the box in his hand.
People think he bought a useless box with the money he bought for pearls, but he himself wouldn't think so, because he really liked the box.
He got what he wanted, so why not?
Value or non-value has always been a very profound question, others can not understand and do not understand, only the people in it know their own state of mind the most.
Ge Weilong in Zhang Ailing's novel "The First Incense Burner" is just a money-making tool for Georgie Joe, he does not love her, she knows it, but she still marries him without hesitation and maintains his life in a humble way.
In the eyes of others, everything Ge Weilong did was not worth it, but she herself would not think so, and she willingly gave everything.
In the adult world, there is no value or not, only willingness or unwillingness, as long as you are willing, even if you pay a thousand dollars, it is worth it, but if you don't want to, even if you pay a penny, you will be unwilling.
"Demand" balance, that is, "value"
O'Henry's short story "The Witch's Bread" tells a very interesting story for everyone:
The heroine falls in love with a man who often comes to buy bread, and sees that he never buys two slices of bread without adding butter, and she can't help but feel a little sad.
One day she secretly added butter to the bread he bought and fantasized about the look of emotion he would feel when he came home to eat the bread, but the reality was that on the second day, the man came to her angrily.
It turned out that the man was an artist, and he bought bread not to eat, but to use it for drawing paper to wipe pencil prints, and the heroine's self-made cleverness ruined his work.
This story is not only a satire on the heroine's self-made sentimentality, but also illustrates the importance of the need relationship.
What he needs is aged bread, you give him a piece of butter bread, although the price of butter bread is much higher than the old bread, but this is not what he wants, so he will not be grateful, but will be angry.
Marriage is also essentially a needs relationship, with men having men's needs and women having women's needs.
Only when the needs are met do they think everything they have paid is worth it.
Women's Needs: Material Conditions
It is often said that the economic base determines the superstructure, and that a man's advantage in marriage and love is economic conditions, because the greatest needs of women facing marriage are often material conditions.
Women value material conditions, so they always want to marry men with strong financial ability.
Men's needs: clean
Men tend to be habitually backward compatible in mate selection, and they don't pay too much attention to women's hardware conditions, but they value women's past.
They want their wives to be pure and unblemished, to be their own.
Men satisfy women's material conditions, and women give men the chastity they want, which is the law of balance in the true sense.
Both men and women get what they want, supply and demand are agreed, and each other's hearts can be balanced.
In this way, the man will never feel that the bride price is expensive, because he gets what he wants, and the money he pays is worth it.
epilogue:
Baptiste Say once said: "Demand and supply are the two ends of the balance beam, depending on the balance of nobility, and the price is the balance point." ”
The transaction pays attention to fairness, the "supply and demand relationship" pays attention to the balance, and only when both sides get their wishes, can each other be at peace.
When men pay the bride price and the corresponding material conditions, but do not get the chastity they want, their hearts become unbalanced.
They will express their dissatisfaction by hating the bride price, but they hate not the bride price, but the people who break the laws of the market.
I am Shadow, an original author who focuses on the field of emotion.