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Robinson Crusoe: "The most effective way for a person to educate others is to educate himself first." ”
Why do some people fail to be themselves, but they still like to preach to others? The reason is simple: it's much easier to preach to others than to manage yourself.
Such people often do not think that they have failed, do not admit that they have failed, only think that they have no talent, bad luck, in addition, other aspects are superior to others.
The fact is that in the case of their failures as human beings, the more they preach to others, the more they will highlight their shortcomings and make people more clearly recognize how much they have failed.
This is the result of the "failure to educate yourself" mentioned above. People who can really educate themselves well, people who are very successful in life, will not easily preach to others. When it is really necessary to educate others, they will give practical advice to make others recognize and convince.
This is a very important issue in interpersonal relationships, and if you can grasp this key, you can screen your interpersonal relationships and only deal with people who "can educate yourself well", so that it is possible to benefit both parties and achieve a win-win goal.
Love and interpersonal relationships in marriage also want to follow this truth, and the following woman's encounter can illustrate this problem.
Hello Mr. Donglin:
I think that no matter what kind of emotion, it can only be shown when it is needed most, and its value can be demonstrated.
Love is like this, friendship is like this, and family affection is even more so. When the years are quiet, the feelings are good, but they are not really good. It is only when feeling good when there is a need to share suffering that it is really good.
Unfortunately, many people do not understand this truth.
My ex-husband didn't understand, my mother-in-law didn't understand, otherwise I wouldn't have divorced him with my children.
After our child was born, it was the hardest time for me. Not just because of postpartum depression, but more from the stress of life.
I can't go to work for a while, and his salary doesn't have much money. In this case, we need to work together and someone to help us.
My mother-in-law is the best candidate, if she can help us with the children, I go out to work to make money, so that not only can ensure that the children are taken care of, but also so that our lives will not be so poor, and after the improvement of life, I will not ignore the mother-in-law's efforts, I will certainly be willing to give her a pension.
However, my rational plan was undermined by my ex-husband's "foolish filial piety".
He said that my mother-in-law was not obliged to help me with the child, and said whoever gave birth to me brought it, so I should not bother my mother-in-law.
My heart instantly became half cold, and I asked him, "What is it to help me with my children?" Isn't the child yours? Aren't you the father of the child? Isn't your mom the child's grandmother? How can this be called helping me with children? How difficult our situation is now, don't you know? The expenses at home are getting bigger, don't you know? If no one helps us with the children, I can't go out and work to make money, and how many years can I support this family with your salary alone? If you don't make more money, what will you take to give your mother-in-law a pension in the future? Haven't you ever thought about these questions? ”
And he denied me with only one sentence, or the sentence he said before: "Anyway, my mother is not obliged to help you with the child!" ”
If my mother-in-law herself told me this, I would still be able to understand. He said this to me, which really made me unbearable, because his words meant irresponsibility, meant not taking me and the child seriously, thinking that everything was my responsibility, and had no half-cent relationship with him and his mother-in-law.
I said to him, "It's okay not to bring it, but I have conditions: since you said that your mother-in-law is not obligated to help me with the child, well, I am not obliged to give her a pension." I will trouble my mother to help me with the child, and later I will only thank her for her efforts. If you don't accept this condition, then you will make more money so that I don't have to worry about life and can take care of my children; or, we will simply divorce, you continue to be your filial piety, and I and my children will never bother you again! ”
He said that I could not fail to give my mother-in-law a pension, which was tantamount to denying the first condition; he also said that he could not make a lot of money at once, which was tantamount to negating the second condition; since this was the case, then we only had the road to divorce.
Of course, such an irresponsible person as him will not fight with me for a child, because he can't raise it, and he doesn't want to trouble his mother-in-law. All he cares about is how much money I will share and whether I will fight with him for a house.
When the child grew up, my situation was not so difficult, I did not need him to be responsible, and he pretended to be pitiful to come to me to remarry. I certainly wouldn't remarry him because I've gotten through it and I don't need him anymore.
He asked me to remarry, nothing more than the lack of the role of wife, nothing more than to find someone to give his mother a pension, don't think I don't know. They have not brought me any benefits, so why should I repay my grievances with virtue? I can do it, but the premise must be that others are kind to me, otherwise I am exempt from talking.
Donglin Xiting Emotional Advice:
The dispute between the couple over the issue of "bringing the child" was to educate each other, and both sides tried to persuade the other to act according to their own demands.
Obviously, the man is a very failed man, he is neither a good husband, nor a good father, nor a good son, and his foolish filial piety destroys everything, not only losing his wife and children, but also causing his mother to be helpless.
This kind of person who does not educate himself well, in a vain attempt to educate others, will only highlight his shortcomings, shortcomings and incompetence. He said that many mistakes will only hasten the arrival of tragedy.
In contrast, the woman did not have the problems with him, everything she said was reasonable, and the plan for the future was not leaky. If the man had followed her plan, there would never have been a tragedy of the kind that followed.
But as we said earlier, people who do not educate themselves well and like to preach to others are unwilling to admit that they are wrong, nor do they think that they are wrong, even if others really think about him, but the important is inconsistent with his ideas, he blindly pushes others away. Such people deserve to be punished, and they cannot attain happiness.
The woman was right to say that the value of such a thing as feelings will only be highlighted in a "critical moment". If it is not highlighted in a critical moment, it means that the weight of love between each other is seriously unbalanced.
This fact is best to figure out before marriage, don't be afraid to trouble each other, and dare to trouble each other when you encounter problems, because this is the best time to verify whether you really love each other. Before marriage, you can be sure that the other party really loves you, and there will be no problems that the woman encountered.