Wen/Lan Mama on parenting
A few days ago, a screenshot of an intrauterine pregnancy of teenage girls in the hospital frightened me, look closely, these girls have drug abortion, there are 39 weeks of imminent delivery, the least 15 years old, the oldest 17 years old, so it is still the age of the child, it is a beautiful youth and ignorant years, but their lives, but experience a lifetime of irreparable damage.
And after seeing this picture, it reminds me of the summer of the college entrance examination the year before, a high school student named Xiaomei (pseudonym) had a cold and fever, and after arriving at the hospital, he deliberately concealed the fact of pregnancy, and finally lost his precious life when he hung up a drip in the outpatient clinic, the girl's parents learned of this matter and returned to the hospital from other places to ask for explanations, just the banner of "Grass Suga People's Lives" hung at the hospital door for half a month, and the mother was holding her cold daughter and crying, but the person was gone, it was really called heaven and spirit...
For this matter, at that time, some people angrily said that "why doesn't the hospital take medication after a comprehensive examination", some people say that "probably the doctor did not expect that a high school student would get pregnant", some people said "having a daughter, if you don't obey, you can kill your parents", some people say "Raising a girl is really worrying, and we can't always tie her around to protect", and some people say "If a girl does not understand self-love, her parents are called heaven and spirit".
In fact, in Lan Mama's view, those girls who were pregnant at the age of 15 or 17 probably didn't know what was wrong with them until their parents found out, were they sick? What is pregnancy? What will they face under the arrangement of their parents, they will experience the strange eyes of others, they will not be able to go to school, some parents will collapse and scold like crazy, they are panicked, afraid, uncomfortable, and helpless...
In fact, raising a daughter can not worry about it, if the girl does not understand self-love, it will be the biggest failure of parental education!
So, why are more and more girls getting pregnant in their teens now?
Socio-environmental impacts
Teenage pregnant girls, in fact, is their early love, and teenagers are more rebellious, more curious age stage, they are experiencing physiological and psychological double changes, like reading novels, chasing Korean dramas, in some of the large-scale depiction of the lens will play a catalytic role in the girl's sexual psychology, which is why now many girls will fall in love early, social environmental impact makes them curious adolescence unconscious squirming.
Girls lack sex education
The same is adolescence, why are some diligent and studious, some are early love, and some are pregnant? If the environmental impact is the trigger, then the parent's education method is to purify the environment, whether the child's environment is positive and healthy, or depraved and injured, which is closely related to the parents' usual education methods, especially the girl's sex education must be as early as possible.
However, it is a pity that many parents do not take this aspect seriously, and even some parents think that "the children are still young, tell them what to do", and some parents feel that talking about sex education with children will "teach them bad", in fact, every adolescent girl has a time when the love sinus is first opened, if parents deliberately avoid this education, the girl's heart is easy to produce "the more you don't say, the more I want to understand" Psychology, and the so-called "sex education" only allows them to produce the difference between men and women from the heart, self-care awareness, This is also the most critical weapon of strength for parents to protect their daughters.
The wrong way to love
If the lack of sex education is the embarrassment of parents, then the wrong way to love the daughter is ignorance, there are many parents in order to avoid girls early love will choose the "rich" way, from childhood want to buy what they want, want to do what they want to do, they think that the best for the child can avoid the future of various temptations, in fact, everyone still forgot the "a mountain is higher than a mountain" This sentence, as the child grows older, you will find that their requirements are more and more, and the comparison heart is getting heavier and heavier.
At this time, some parents in order to rectify these unhealthy trends in their daughters, some parents in order to pinch the daughter's adolescent rebellion, they will choose to "refuse to ask", or accuse the child of disobedience, there are some parents will give stricter requirements to the child, but this "before there is rich, after there is poor" way is easy to play a counterproductive effect, girls will extremely think that "mom and dad do not love me", for some possessive girls, they will also meet their lack of love through the love of the opposite sex.
Raising a daughter is more worrying, how can parents avoid tragedies?
From the perspective of girls being vulnerable, many parents say that "it is difficult to raise a daughter, and it is more worrying to raise a daughter", in fact, the difficulty of raising a daughter is "parents, we can't, we can't completely isolate the harmful environment for the daughter", growing up under this land, the daughter's ultimate honor or not, mentality or not, lies in how they choose, because the protection of parents is ultimately impossible to always, the only thing that can be done is to let the "good circle of friends" affect the child.
So, how can parents let the "good circle of friends" influence their children?
1. Try to avoid leaving girls behind
Many girls in early love are because of the extreme lack of love in their hearts, such as left-behind girls, or the gap between unreasonable teasing when they were young and being strictly disciplined when they grow up, which will lead to a lack of love and imbalance in the girl's heart, in a state of mind that desires to be "concerned", it is easy to lose self-protection because of a little concern of the opposite sex, which requires parents to avoid from the "balanced company".
First of all, as a parent, we try to avoid letting girls become left-behind children, if conditions permit, try to bring them around to raise and accompany, because for children, "the place where there is a father and mother is the real home", even if the conditions are almost the same, the room is small, living with the parents is not only the inner expectation of every child, but also the indispensable companionship of a beautiful childhood, if it is really impossible to take around, it is also recommended that the mother try to accompany the child, only the mother is good, the child with the mother is like a treasure, I hope every girl can hold this sense of security in her hands!
Secondly, for the sake of the child's healthy and happy growth, we should also try to use independent good habits as the circle of friends for the child's growth, to avoid the "loss of love" psychology before and after the child, regardless of whether it is a child, after growing up, the child's growth is like building a house, it is necessary to first lay a good base, whether it is in infancy and early childhood, or preschool, children or adolescence, parents should use the same love to look at the child, remember not to "when you are a child, it is cute to make trouble without reason, and it is not sensible to grow up to be unreasonable."
Finally, the reason why many parents regard the unreasonable teasing of children as cute when they are young, and the unreasonable teasing when they grow up as ignorant, in fact, it is precisely because we look at the height of children differently, want to look at children at a parallel distance, it is recommended that parents try to "treat themselves as children", and experience each stage of growth with children, a good parent-child relationship is the best circle of friends, but also the strongest environmental impact of children's healthy growth and happiness index improvement.
After the age of 2 or 3, sleep in separate beds in time
The reason why girls fall in love early in adolescence, and the circle of friends they are in at each stage of growth have a great environmental impact, there is a girl in the kindergarten holding a boy on the kiss, the teacher is scared to quickly stop the girl and communicate, the girl innocently told the teacher "My mother is at home is like this to kiss the father, she told me that this is the meaning of liking", after this incident, the teacher thoughtfully reminded the girl's parents to pay attention to the child's gender concept training.
You know, after all, the children are innocent, the lack of gender concept of them look very grinning, in fact, to puberty is easy to be hurt, in order to establish the correct growth of the child from an early age, and gender view, it is recommended that parents in the child after the age of three years to sleep in time, this time the child will enter the kindergarten life, their own sleep can help the child adapt to the kindergarten nap, but also from an early age to establish a good emotion that does not depend on others, in order to avoid adolescence on the opposite sex too much dependence, or persistence.
3. Kindergartens began to popularize sex education
The healthy growth of an excellent girl, although it needs the self-protection of the gender concept, but more need the "sex education" popularization of parents from childhood, to know that the girl's social circle can not only be girls, no boys, the future growth of the road they need social circles, more need high emotional intelligence of social skills, want to enrich the child's social circle, but also protect them from harm, then parents must start from kindergarten to popularize sex education for children.
Many parents may think that their children are still young, and they talk about these things are somewhat inappropriate, in fact, from kindergarten, many parents have found that the kindergarten stage of children are more curious, there are always a lot of strange questions, such as "how did I get born", and girls see some cute babies born will say "I also want to have a baby"...
If these curiosities of children are not solved in time, they will have a strong desire to explore and touch in the future in adolescence, which is why many teenage girls do not know what is going on after pregnancy, we can give them universal sex education when the child is still young and has no stubborn thoughts, tell the child: "The places covered by vests and pants are private parts, and no one can touch them" Which are the private parts of the body, which positions even the father can not touch, from very small and strong" Under the influence of the concept of "sex education", the child's self-care psychology in the future will be stronger.
4. Take the initiative to chat with the child about the beginning of the love sinus
Every adolescent girl will experience the initial opening of the love sinus of the ignorant stage, this time the smart mother is not to try to spy on the daughter's secrets, accuse them of early love is not good to learn, but try to communicate this problem positively from the vision of the beginning of the love sinus, we can take the initiative to talk to the child about their former love sinus, such as once adolescence crush on which boy in the class, such a topic is generally more interested in adolescent daughters, it is easy to talk open, chat.
When we talk to our daughters about "do you want to live with xx forever, they are dazed", at this time we talk to them about life and reality, the child's emotions will naturally not be so fierce, after all, the feelings of adolescent girls are pure, and parents should also look at and enlighten them with pure eyes.
As parents, we need to teach them how to correctly view adolescent feelings and how to protect themselves, which need to be built on a good mother-daughter relationship, and hope that every mother can ease the feelings of mother and daughter through the beginning of the love sinus, and help children establish a gender awareness of self-love and self-respect!
5. Usually improve your child's vision
Good self-esteem and self-love subconscious, in addition to doing a good job of the above four good circle of friends as the influence of the environment, usually if there is an opportunity to establish parents to take their children to the outside world, improve their horizons, can broaden their horizons, expand their future ideals, in the vision and ideal expansion of the environment, parents will find that the power of the ideal is endless.
In this regard, especially a "I want to become stronger" force let them immerse themselves in the happiness of their own efforts, under the influence of a positive and upward happy atmosphere, you will find that the more self-disciplined and independent the girl, they rarely talk about love in adolescence, which is probably the superiority of the high vision overshadows the small love of adolescence.
Youth is beautiful, every girl's youth is worthy of mother's heart to touch, with your trust, respect to slowly explain the child, I believe that under the care of parents, every girl can have a beautiful youth memory, which will also become the most critical emotion of their future self-esteem and self-love!
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I am Lan Ma, focusing on the analysis of the parenting field author, with personal examples, a variety of family education examples, to record the moment of parenting feelings, like friends, welcome to pay attention to @ Lan Mama talk about parenting together to learn and grow together!