An American scholar studies the differences in the thinking of men and women through brain waves. He found that when men were talking, the left brain precursor would light up first, while when women spoke, the left and right sides would light up.
He then concluded that the brains of men and women are not the same, that men are logical thinkers and women are emotional minds.
Men are different from women, and when they have conflicts with their wives, men often think about what causes such a result.
Unlike women, men tend to like silence and thinking when it comes to things. Therefore, often when the problem arises, they will choose silence first.
They are not in a hurry to express their thoughts with their wives, and if you continue to say it, he wants to avoid the scene of the "quarrel" at that time and try to be quiet.
He is not in a hurry to talk to others, but tends to solve problems on his own first. Often at this time, women will feel that they are singing a one-man show alone, and if they can't get a response to their emotions, they will think wildly and feel that their husbands don't love themselves.
In fact, at this time, you may wish to think about the problem from the perspective of your husband, try to tolerate his silence, do not be aggressive, and force him to solve the problem immediately.
At the same time, you can tell the other person what kind of response you need, and if you don't say it, the other person won't know what you want and how you think.
You can say to him like this:
"Husband, I feel a little uncomfortable in my heart, I want to tell you."
"I feel like I'm in a much better mood to talk to you, we haven't sat down for a long time."
No more complaining, questioning, and accusations, so that peaceful and effective communication is more acceptable to the other party.
My former boss, Mr. Wang. Mr. Wang partnered with his wife to open a company. Logically, there is more contact, and there is inevitable friction. But the strange thing is, for 3 years, I have never seen them fight.
Once, I couldn't help but ask him, and he said: People like to listen to good words, especially when they are in a low mood. Therefore, whenever his wife is in a bad mood, he will always spend a lot of time comforting and agreeing with his wife, and finally help her analyze the problem. In his words, it was: "Yes, you are so right, XX is really excessive, you ignore him is right... But you also have to consider his difficulties...."
Wang's approach also applies to women.
One of my helpers: Miss Zhang. She and her husband are blind dates, the two have no emotional basis, there is nothing to say after marriage, whenever she wants to share her heart with her husband, her husband will play games with himself and ignore her completely. She was so troubled by this that she approached me.
Through a detailed understanding, I found that when Miss Zhang's marriage first began, this was not the case. Just a few times, the two quarreled because of their different views on the same issue, and since then, his husband has become less and less fond of discussing issues and communicating with her.
In fact: men have a hero complex. When he reasons with you, he also wants to help you and get your affirmation. So even if you don't agree with his point of view, thank him for his concern for you and his dedication to you, rather than directly arguing with him about right and wrong, and fighting for a win or lose.
Ms. Zhang accepted my advice and learned several simple communication methods. Within a few days, she happily shared with me: "That day, I was criticized by my superiors again, and I was very disappointed. But after listening to your guidance, I didn't spit on the bitter water as directly as before when I got home. Instead, when eating, I took the initiative to ask my husband if he had encountered anything happy today. After my husband said it, I immediately gave a thumbs up and said: It is worthy of my husband, it is too powerful! After listening to it, it healed my feelings of being criticized today. ”
That night, Miss Zhang's husband did not refuse to communicate with her as before, but took the initiative to talk to her a lot, and after knowing that she was commissioned, said that he would take her out for a walk on the weekend and forget about this unhappy thing!
From "nothing to say" to the current sweet heating up, the change of Ms. Zhang's communication mode not only saved her married life, but also made her more confident and attractive.
There is a bad phenomenon that middle-aged couples get along now, and men will show a state of pity in marriage. And the longer you get married, the more obvious this state becomes.
In fact, when a man encounters a problem, he will choose to find a relatively safe space for himself and close himself off. That is, it entered the so-called "cave period".
Cave men don't want to care about anything. If at this time you still deliberately speculate and force him to ask what is wrong. Men have absolutely no good looks, and even think that you are unreasonable.
If you're a smart woman, you can actually do this:
Don't talk about it endlessly, especially when your husband is depressed;
What men need more is recognition, encouragement and understanding than forcing him to change;
Don't dictate to his things and respect each other's opinions;
Focus your life on yourself, rather than just surrounding your husband;
Tell him his thoughts and emotions, don't lose your temper blindly;
Give him plenty of room to be alone and wait for him to digest himself before settling the problems between you.
Many times the quarrel is not really because of something wrong with the feelings, but the ineffective communication caused by the difference in thinking between men and women. Therefore, when facing the silence of men, instead of pressing questions, it is better to deal with it in another way, and the effect is better.