This article is from the WeChat public account (fish yearning life)
Parents, there is still a place in life; parents, there is only one way home in life.
In life, we often see that for various reasons, even if the parents are still alive, brothers and sisters no longer communicate with each other, and some even do not attend the funerals of their parents, which is very chilling.
I remember that in a mediation program, in order to help the younger son, the parents had to let the eldest son give up half of the homestead to build a building for the younger son. Because of this, the father also severed the father-son relationship with the eldest son at that time. But my father was critically ill, and I had to ask my eldest son to come back and reconcile with him. But the eldest son did not know where he had gone, and the father regretted what he had done.
In fact, people know when they are old that there is a vendetta between brothers and sisters, and most of them are inseparable from their parents. Although everyone is a parent for the first time and a child for the first time, it is still necessary to maintain the original intention, so that there is no complaint or regret.
The excessive eccentricity of parents is the root cause of sibling discord.
Whether it is the room in "An Jia" or Su Mingyu in "Everything is Good", in the face of the parents' serious preference for sons and daughters, there are not many who want their daughters to pay completely voluntarily in the old age of their parents. No one is a saint, and it is impossible to truly forget the pain and suffering that comes from the heart.
When Zhao Jie, 52, in the community changed her new house, she was choked by her parents in her 80s. She had to give her brother's family hundreds of thousands of yuan to change into a new house, otherwise her parents would come to her house every day.
Zhao Jie's husband was dumped by her in-laws, who wanted to divorce, but she felt the most pitiful. She found Zhao Jie's brother and wanted him to come forward to persuade her in-laws not to toss her life with Zhao Jie.
Who knows, Zhao Jie's younger brother said that when his sister earned money, he should keep an eye on his son's flowers. She hasn't changed the house yet, so why should she change the house first?
In the end, Zhao Jie's husband reluctantly chose to sell the house to her in-laws. When her in-laws fell ill and were hospitalized, Zhao Jie's brother called Zhao Jie again and asked her to donate. Zhao Jie didn't want to go because she was taking care of the children herself and didn't have the time and energy.
After Zhao Jie's parents left, Zhao Jie's brother found Zhao Jie again to settle the account and insisted that Zhao Jie pay half of her parents' medical expenses. Zhao Jie said that it would be equally divided between the parents' inheritance, and then the medical expenses. As a result, Zhao Jie's younger brother had a fight with Zhao Jie, and after mediation by the judicial organs, they finally got along harmoniously.
The eccentricity of parents has made the contradictions between brothers and sisters deeper and deeper. If the parents are not excessive, as the eldest in the family, they generally do not argue with others; if the parents are excessive, the hatred between brothers and sisters will last for a long time, even to the next generation.
The hypocrisy and jealousy between brothers are the indirect pushing hands of parents.
Psychologist Wu Zhihong said of the Chinese family: "If there is no privacy and no distinction between family members, the relationship will become a mess, and the contradictions and conflicts will escalate accordingly."
The feelings between brothers were very close when they were young, but over time, they were different when they grew up. After reaching a certain age, the gap between siblings is very obvious. Some are rich, some are poor.
At this time, if parents cannot treat each other as equals, they will inevitably push up the contradictions between brothers and sisters who are ostensibly jealous and hypocritical. Especially when everyone is eating, children with rich and status, no matter what their status is at home, always act as if I have the final say, which makes other brothers and sisters very uncomfortable.
At this time, parents cannot correct their mentality and feel sorry for their children with poor conditions. They always say that children with good conditions should help children with poor conditions unconditionally. Over time, there are no boundaries and no measure. Those children with poor conditions feel that they have the support and backing of their parents, and it is inevitable that they will ask for this and that from those with good conditions. If they are not satisfied, they will tell their parents.
When parents have no boundaries and measures for the relationship between their children, brothers and sisters are more likely to generate contradictions and resentments. Resentful parents with good conditions are too eccentric and meddle in things between siblings; if you feel that your parents support you in bad conditions, you should benefit from your brothers and sisters with good conditions. Over time, resentment and hostility will arise.
Parents "rob the rich to help the poor", so that brothers and sisters turn against each other.
Li Jie's son, 56, got married, and an incredible thing happened at the wedding. The cancelled wedding became an after-dinner joke.
Sister Li's son got married, and her son's aunt gave her a red envelope of 20,000 yuan. Everyone thinks that there are already a lot, but Sister Li's mother-in-law has thrown herself into the arms of her daughter, that is, the aunt of Sister Li's son, and dislikes the fact that she has too few red envelopes for her grandson. She must transfer more than 100,000 yuan on the spot to finish the matter, otherwise she will be driven away.
As a result, Sister Li's sister-in-law said no, and was slapped by her mother in front of so many relatives and friends. Li Jie's wife did not come forward to reconcile, and Li Jie's sister-in-law left on the spot.
This is a typical example of a parent who "robs the rich to help the poor". They always feel that if the daughter's family conditions are good and the son-in-law can earn money, they should earn for their sons and grandchildren. If they can't fulfill their wishes, they should fight.
In life, there are too many such examples, and there is only one ending, that is, this daughter can live a casual life like no family and no siblings. But many people can't be so free and are often kidnapped by their families.
conclusion:
There was a skeleton in the cupboard. No wonder many people are willing to have only one child, because they see a lot of contradictions and grudges between brothers and sisters, and feel that it does not matter if there are no brothers and sisters. It's better than having no enemies against each other.
Parents are the leaders of a family. If you can't even do a bowl of water, then you have to try to change your heart. Don't go too far and make your child conflicted and resentful. Are parents happy?
We are strangers to many people throughout our lives. Only brothers and sisters are the people we miss the most, the fate from childhood to adulthood, and the rare fate in this world.
People are old and always like to reminisce about the days of playing with their brothers and sisters. If they become enemies in their later years, it is inevitable that they will shed tears when they think of them. No matter what parents do, I think it depends on the cultivation of their children, but no one should ask too much, everything will follow the fate.