Author/Child
Nowadays, more and more friends around me are entering marriages, and some problems that arise in marriage are becoming more and more difficult.
Whenever I hear some insights, I am deeply aware that this road of life, no matter what choices you make, cannot be absolutely without regrets. Good and bad in many cases, basically side by side, the important thing is not what kind of choice you make, but whether your mentality is objective and correct enough.
Two days ago, I had a high school classmate who confided in me about her marriage because she was upset.
In the eyes of the public, she should be said to be the type that marries better, mainly because her husband's family conditions are very good, and her parents also looked at this at the beginning, so they insisted that she marry her husband.
Originally, before this, she had always had a boyfriend with a good relationship, but the conditions at home were not very good, and even the money for a down payment for a house in the county town could basically be said to have hollowed out the family foundation.
Mainly the boys' mothers have been sick, so the family has not saved any money.
And the boys' own work is within the system, although the income is more than the upper and lower, but if they want to save enough money to buy a house, it still takes a certain amount of time.
Anyway, if she chose to marry her ex-boyfriend at that time, she would definitely have to suffer some hardships in the early stages, and her parents did not want their daughter to suffer and thought that she could have a better choice, so she insisted that they break up.
She didn't beat her parents and finally compromised.
Later, she and her husband went on a blind date, got married, and everything went smoothly.
From the outsider's point of view, they can be said to be a happier couple, she grew up without worry, and now her husband's family is better than her family, and she does not have to worry about basic materials.
But to be honest, she said that in her heart, she always felt that something was missing. She thought about it for a moment, and then affirmed it: there is less sweetness and closeness between husband and wife.
She said that although she and her current husband can care about each other on the surface, this kind of care seems to be only completing the task, which is something they each think they should do as wives or husbands. In addition, there is not much communication between them, there is basically no contact on WeChat, once contacted, there is only one topic: have you eaten? It seems that apart from talking about eating, the two people can no longer find a common topic.
Although she did not deny it, her current husband is also a person with good character and relatively solid, his parents educated him well, and she also affirmed his character at that time, so she finally chose to marry him.
She thought that everything was really as her parents said, and when the next two people got married for a long time, they would always have unwilling feelings.
In fact, not only her parents said so, her friends basically said the same thing before, let her choose the boy with the best conditions when she has a choice, so that the happiness index after marriage will be higher.
She is not a very assertive person, plus the people around her are saying this, so her final choice must be inseparable from the final advice of her friends and parents.
At the same time, she said that when she used to get along with her ex, she was very relaxed and happy, as long as the two people stayed together, even if they did not talk, they would not feel any restraint. When she is separated, she will send a lot of messages to each other on WeChat every day, and the other party is the same, even if it is a small thing, they are accustomed to telling each other for the first time.
To put it bluntly, she and her ex have a meticulous desire to share, but in the face of their current husbands, they do not have this kind of mind.
She felt a little sad in her heart.
Now she has no more way back to go, if you say divorce now, surely everyone around you can't understand, especially her parents, absolutely will block, think that she does not understand things, such a good marriage, will not cherish well, have to make a point of disintegration.
But is your marriage good? Is she really married?
When she seriously recalled the question, it was actually negative. Because she did not feel a lot of happiness in this marriage relationship, but was full of worry, denial and doubt, and at the same time it was not so natural to treat each other with special sincerity.
She felt that the other person was the same, and when she married her, it was only because she felt that she was suitable, not because she really liked her.
I listened and began to think about a question, how can a woman marry well in marriage?
To be honest, the problems I hear the most in my life, especially in the evaluations from outsiders, in general, there is only one system of measurement: economic ability.
If the man the woman marries has good financial ability and a good job, then in the eyes of outsiders, it already belongs to the category of marrying well.
However, if you really ask each of them, you will find that there is always a difficult scripture for everyone, although for any family, economic ability is undoubtedly very important, but at the same time, economic ability can never represent everything, because everyone in actual life, the ultimate pursuit of things is not the same.
Some people value love and are more concerned about each other's mutual affection; and some people may care about material things, and they can be in this relationship, because materials make way for other conditions.
Therefore, the matter of marrying well should not be judged by others, but the truest feeling in your own heart, which is that when you think of the relationship between two people and base yourself on the future, your heart is happy, it is determined, and it is that everything is worth it without complaint or regret.
This should be the real marriage well.
In this sense, those girls who really marry well often have only this kind: they know what they want, and they can bravely chase, rather than following the crowd and using other people's theories and judgments to decide their own lives.
To put it bluntly, whether you are ultimately happy or not, in fact, is your own measurement is the most important, if you think it is worth it, then the view of outsiders is actually not important.
The things of the world are as they are, especially in feelings, the arsenic of A and the honey of B, what others have concluded is not necessarily good in your opinion, what others say is not good, and it is not necessarily the truth in your heart.
Your own path, in the end, you have to go by yourself.
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