Foreword: The child is the face of a family, his speech and behavior, habitual actions, everywhere reveals the upbringing of a family, but also subtly reflects the relationship between family members. A polite child, everyone thinks that his parents must also be knowledgeable, sincere and simple; a child who is a liar, even urinating in the restaurant, no one believes that his parents will be cultured people.
01 New Year's Day holiday, take the children and grandma to go shopping, at noon in the supermarket next to the pie fast food restaurant to make a living. Sitting next to us were a couple and a pair of children. Grandma said enviously: One son and one daughter, put together a "good"! But as soon as Grandma finished speaking, the fuss began. This family of four was pushed in, so it was blocked in the aisle, which made everyone very inconvenient. The waiter girl saw the situation and used to accompany the smiling face to remind a few words. The mother put down her hand for a moment and said impatiently, "Where do you let me put this car of ours?" Let's finish eating and go, you're busy with your go! After a while, Dad ordered food and came back. As soon as the two children saw the dish, it was estimated that they did not want to eat, and they began to hum and chirp, one would drop chopsticks, one would throw spoons, and in order to grab an egg tart.
But the couple is as if they can't see it, playing with their mobile phones while eating, and occasionally turning back and shouting: "You two be honest, don't eat fast roll!" When the little boy saw that no one was paying attention to him, he stood on the seat breathlessly, took off his pants and peed on the aisle, all of which splashed on the shoes of the person next to him. Everyone looked at the family of four with disgust. The boy's mother probably also felt a little humiliated, slapped the child's ass, turned his face and yelled at his father: "If you play again, I will give you a fall, look at your son is not OK!" Just know to play! I still want to play it! Don't eat, go! So the family of four quarreled and left the restaurant. The waiter girl helplessly took a mop and cleaned up the urine on the ground...
In fact, this is not the first time I have encountered such a situation. Whether at the station, in the hospital, or in the restaurant, you can always meet the fussy children. Behind these children, there are often a pair of parents who accuse each other and complain to each other. Children never grow up alone, and their growth is a process of "learning from the model". The relationship between parents is the earliest interpersonal relationship that children are exposed to, that is, how parents treat each other, children learn how to get along with others.
02 Parental love, the child's personality is cheerful, parents love, respect each other, the most intuitive feeling conveyed to the child is: Father loves mother, they all love me! Children who grow up in this warm and harmonious family atmosphere have a strong sense of security in their hearts, because they never worry about their parents leaving and the family breaking up.
Children with a sense of security in their hearts are not only very confident, but also have a more positive and optimistic personality. The mutual respect and mutual love between parents will deeply affect the child, so that the child knows how to care for and be considerate of others in the interaction with the small partner, so it is easier to integrate into the group. In addition, parental love is also conducive to cultivating children's healthy concept of marriage and family, and is more tolerant and responsible for the other half. Therefore, if you want to see your relatives in the future, you must pay attention to the relationship between the two families. If the two of them are intimate, their children will not be bad.
03 Tiger mother cat father, boy cowardly and inferior, girl domineering wayward famous psychological counseling teacher Fan Wei (parents must read the class special lecturer), once said: a strong mother, is a disaster for boys. A family has a roughly clear "gender division of labor": the father is the spiritual and economic pillar of the family, showing more masculine and strong atmosphere; the mother is the logistics minister of the family, conveying to the child's gentle, considerate and understanding side. In the process of growing up, children will also have the concept of "same-sex identity" and gradually find their own gender roles, that is, boys will imitate their fathers more in behavior and personality; girls will imitate their mothers more.
But in some families, there is an imbalance of gender roles: the mother is very strong, saying one thing and not saying the other, controlling and monitoring everything; the father is relatively cowardly and often blamed by the mother. The end result is that the boy becomes more and more cowardly and inferior as the father, while the daughter inherits the strength and domineering of the mother, and often talks back to the mother. Of course, we are not here to emphasize the "male superiority and female inferiority", but to remind everyone: if you are a parent, you must be strong, active, and work hard, don't hum and complain all day long; if you are a mother, you can be strong in the workplace, but don't ignore the gentleness that motherly love should have.
04 Parents accuse each other, children are rebellious, love to lie, some parents quarrel, always want to pull the child into their own "camp", so they "dismantle the stage" in front of the child: "You look at your mother like that, sloppy ladies, all day long know to play mahjong, rice does not make dishes or wash, what is the use of marrying her?" "Look at your father's bag, blindly busy a year can't earn a few stinky money, but also a stinky body, marry him I am really blind!" 」 ......
However, the consequence of this is to let the child gradually understand: they are not good people! Seriously reduces the prestige of parents in the hearts of children. Eventually, the child becomes disrespectful and disrespectful to either side, often talking back to his parents. So here's a reminder: If you find that your child begins to rebel and resist, it may be a quarrel between your husband and wife that reduces your prestige in the child's heart and makes the child dare to challenge you.
05 Parents quarrel and move, children are grumpy, cold personality husband and wife live together, it is impossible to think of no contradictions at all, there are so many trivial things in life, everyone has a "spoon touching the pot along the child" time. But Youma has always felt that quarrelling and not doing it is the bottom line for husband and wife to get along: before they do it, it is a contradiction, and once they do it, it becomes completely different. For children, the quarrel between parents is acceptable, and many sensible children will take the initiative to match parents in the Cold War. But if the parents move their hands, the direct feeling to the child is: the father does not love the mother, the father is beating the mother, they will also hit me. The impact and damage to the child's young mind is really very great. Children who grow up in this family atmosphere either learn to hurt others, or become withdrawn, indifferent, and difficult to interact with people because of the lack of inner security.
Therefore, parents (especially fathers), we must remember: quarrelling without moving is the bottom line, because once you have moved, there will be a second and third time. The best father's love is to teach the child to love the mother and be grateful for the mother's hard work, gentleness and thoughtfulness; the best mother's love is to teach the child to love the father and praise the father's strength, tolerance and broadness.