Psychology: Never give your child someone else's old clothes! 3 effects are worth thinking about for parents

If you ask the old mother about the "heartache" on the way to raising a baby, one thing is definitely - buy clothes for the child.

The newly purchased clothes have only been worn for one season, and when they are taken out for the second time to wear them for the child, they find that the child has grown older, the clothes have become smaller, and the money spent has been wasted.

The old mother is not sad about the price of tens of hundreds, but she just thinks that the speed of the child's clothing cannot keep up with the speed of the long child, which is not worth it!

If at this time, there are relatives and friends who reach out to support: My children still have leftover clothes, do you want to pack and send your baby to wear?

I believe that the old mother at this moment must be rejoicing, right?

To tell the truth, when my son was young, in the face of the gifts of friends, I was extremely grateful, and I felt that it was really "sending charcoal in the snow".

Although sometimes the clothes sent over are not so fit, some styles do not conform to their own aesthetics, and there are always such and such "embellishments" on the clothes, but "practical" has become the dominant value, and it is gladly accepted.

At the beginning, the old clothes were worn on the children, the children did not care, and the old man also relished: children wear hundreds of clothes, and the blessings are good.

But gradually, as the child grows up, there are new ideas about whether "old clothes" should be worn for the child.

In fact, from a psychological point of view, this matter: if the family's material conditions allow, never give your child old clothes!

Of course, the condition of "forever" is debatable, but if the child goes to kindergarten, if the conditions permit, Nuo Ma really does not recommend wearing other people's "old clothes" for the child!

Why? Let's take a look at the psychological impact behind "children wearing old clothes".

First, affect the child's aesthetics

Children around 4 years old, will enter the "aesthetic sensitive period", you will find that the little girl especially likes to turn over the mother's dresser, lipstick, nail polish, mask ... These cosmetics will become the beloved things that little girls dream of.

Little boys will also have a pursuit of their own beauty, including hairstyles, clothes, etc.

There was once a little boy who pursued a hairstyle on the Internet who cried and became popular because the barber cut a hairstyle that was not his ideal.

"If only it were a little more round and square!"

"I want lightning, it's a 2!"

Children will not only judge whether they look good or not, but also clearly refine the aesthetic requirements.

The little boy's performance amused many netizens, in fact, this indicates that the child is experiencing an "aesthetic sensitivity period".

At this stage, children, aesthetic consciousness begins to sprout, and they have a strong opinion of self-image.

Teacher Sun Ruixue, author of "Capturing Children's Sensitive Period", pointed out:

"The aesthetics of childhood lay the foundation for a person's aesthetic tendencies and quality of life throughout life, and determine a person's temperament after adulthood."

When the child enters the aesthetic sensitivity period, if the parents continue to wear old clothes for the child, it will affect the child's aesthetics. Children are insensitive to "beauty" or "unbeautifulness," and as they age, they will also lack the pursuit of perfection.

It is worth noting that the development of children's aesthetics is not necessarily to buy children "good-looking" clothes that parents think, but to buy "good-looking clothes" that children think. Parents should even give their children the right to choose, and when they bring their children's clothes and shoes and socks, let the children pick their own matches.

In this way, as the child grows older, the child will continue to pursue his own perfection. And this ability is especially important for improving personal temperament after the child reaches adulthood.

Second, the child passively accepts the "sense of control"

What parents give, what children wear, when a child is accustomed to passive acceptance, invisibly, what he loses is a "sense of control".

"Sense of control" in psychology usually refers to a person who believes in their own choices, judgments, and believes that their actions are consistent with the corresponding results.

A child, if he has been passively accepting the arrangement of his parents to wear old clothes, not only can not form his own aesthetics, but also form a passive acceptance of cognition - feel that he can never take the initiative to choose his favorite style of clothing.

This deprivation of a sense of "control" extends from dressing to other aspects of life. Over time, the child will "learn to be helpless", and when he encounters things, he will have a negative psychology of "I don't know what to do".

Third, be vigilant against the "halo effect"

Psychology has an effect called the "halo effect", which basically means that if a person leaves a good impression on the other party, he will be shrouded in an aura of positive affirmation, and then be endowed with all good qualities; on the contrary, if he leaves a poor impression on the other party, all kinds of bad qualities are easy to rest on his head.

Whether the child dresses well or not, it is not decent, not only can give people a sense of beauty from the outside, but also affect the child's self-confidence from the inside.

There was once a public service video that recorded two completely different images of a little girl, bringing different reactions to passers-by.

The little girl in the shot is very nice and clean at first, and she stands quietly in the street alone, which quickly attracts the crowd passing by. Many adults bent down and asked with concern whether she needed help.

But the same little girl, when she stood in the same place in her sloppy clothes, for a long time, passers-by ignored her.

The same test was scheduled in the restaurant.

When the little girl dressed in clean and tidy clothes came to someone else's table, she was still greeted with a concerned and gentle gaze;

When she changed into a dirty dress, no one had yet approached the table, and people's eyes were full of disgust, and even adults expelled him.

This test not only sees the different reactions of passers-by to the different appearances of the little girl, but at the same time, you will find that the little girl in the experiment is also trapped in her own external image.

When she was dressed in beautiful clothes, there was radiance in her eyes, and she was confident; but when she put on her dirty clothes, her whole being looked dull.

The "halo effect" will not only affect the external environment to judge a child, but over time, it will also affect the child's social interaction.

Although the child's world is small, it is also a small river, and between the bright and the untrimmed edges, many children often choose the former.

Most of the children after the age of three enter kindergarten, even if the child himself does not care about the dress, but in the group, he will slowly care about the views and evaluations of his friends, and those "fairy tales" will inevitably bring psychological harm to the children, resulting in a weak sense of self-worth.

If children are forced to wear old clothes for a long time, they will even have "retaliatory wear" when they grow up. Once a child has the right to choose his own clothes, he will uncontrollably spend most of his expenses on clothes. This is actually caused by the inferiority complex of children who lack something from childhood.

Four

It is not that other people's old clothes cannot be worn, but when children gradually have autonomy, parents must learn to selectively dress their children and consciously guide their children's aesthetics.

After all, it is everyone's nature to love beauty; and aesthetic education is the education that children need for a lifetime.

I am a Nuo mom, focusing on parent-child growth research, talking about parenting dry goods, writing parenting tips, paying attention to me, growing up together and improving ah~