The hottest topic in the community today is that the 65-year-old Grandma Li and the 66-year-old Grandpa Wang in Building 14 are divorced, and they all say that the husband and wife who have come to the old couple for less are the reasons why the old husband and wife who have lived for 40 years will choose to divorce after entering the old age?
Grievances that have been accumulated for too long are never paid attention to
Until this age in the narrative of the year, Grandma Li can still tell very clearly, from the man's promise to the unfulfilled changes after marriage, from daily trivia to the accumulation of yuezi hatred, both sides in life will have their own position of grievances and sacrifices, but will not be seen by the other party, in fact, sometimes the parties need nothing more than the sentence "You have been wronged".
Marriage brings only a certain protection of the "right to use" for men and women rather than a permanent "right of ownership", so in the relationship management, you can not meet the other party's recognition or acceptance of the bottom line, it may no longer belong to each other.
From the moment you enter the marriage, you should realize that your continuous giving and response is not for the other party, but for yourself, that is the emotional investment savings of the relationship, and only by constantly creating your own value will the other party be willing to stay with you.
And understand each other's grievances, see each other's not easy, is love, is conscience, but also the embodiment of literacy, perhaps nothing has changed, but at least you will make the other party feel that it is worth it.
Feelings are not consumed in a day, and disappointments are not accumulated in a day
Seemingly sudden decisions are actually eruptions after years of piling up small emotions.
The lack of respect, care and empathy in the relationship is destined to be a tragedy, not separation but also the indifference of cohabitation pension.
The biggest problem for many couples is that once they enter marriage, they become their own unbreakable shield, unscrupulously doing themselves, ignoring each other's feelings and needs, and have also seen countless couples, one side can understand and take care of everyone's feelings, but only ignore their lovers, saying that this person is not easy, that person is too hard, but can not see the heartache of the person next to their pillow.
Too many contradictions, differences and conflicts in daily life, it seems to be a turning page, in fact, it is only temporarily for stability, for the sake of children and even survival, I have to temporarily suppress my anger, but when my children are married, I am getting older and older, and I don't want to live a life so full of complacency.
I really don't want to leave regrets, but also express the state of resentment in the first half of my life.
The conditions are good, and I want to care more about my feelings. The conditions are too poor to continue to accompany the suffering.
It is said that poor and lowly couples Pepsi mourn, when they are young, they suffered for the children's car and house, when the children grow up, they no longer have to worry about themselves, they begin to want to live for themselves, the conditions are not bad, no one will live without them, the emotional attachment is not harmonious between the husband and wife, loneliness is also a kind of leisure after liberation.
The reason why many couples do not separate is not because of love, but because they feel that without each other, they cannot independently support the expenses of life, and when people are old, the burden is not so heavy, coupled with the richness of the conditions, they can choose the living state they want.
Of course, at the same time, it may also be due to poor conditions, the days when the family is poor, one of the spouses consumes the few assets in the family regardless of the right business, in short, not only is it poor, that person is not good enough for himself, under such a burden and pressure, naturally want to leave, why let his old age also consume his own burden, it is better to choose to separate.
Made a mistake of principle that the other side believes
The reason why it is emphasized here that the other party believes that the principle is wrong is because at a certain age, not only "cheating" is not necessarily an unforgivable crime.
Harmonious couples are bound to have the characteristics of mutual tolerance and concession, but touching each other's bottom line and taboos again and again will lead to the separation of Labor Yan, even if they live together for twenty or thirty years of marriage, they can also give up.
Old husbands and wives are no longer the chips that bind each other, let each other choose to stay around, perhaps you can put aside the theory of value, but at least you can't make the principle mistake that the other party can't tolerate the most taboo.
Now many couples no longer want to wronged themselves because of their age, and they all think that they have "lost" in this life, so they purely want to find their own pleasure and self in their later years.
Go dancing, whether the lover is high or not, go play cards, whether the other person agrees or not. Insisting on doing what you like, ignoring your partner's advice again and again, and even angrily taking a stance, you will eventually choose to shoot and scatter under a seemingly sudden outbreak.
The basic skills of getting along with people in the first article of "The Weakness of Human Nature" were mentioned, such as wanting to collect honey, do not step into the hive.
Criticism, far from changing the facts, provokes resentment. The shame caused by criticism is often a great depression in the mood of employees, relatives and friends, and it is not good at all for the factual situation that should be corrected.
You have to remember that the object of our dealings is not an absolutely rational animal, but something full of emotions, changes, stereotypes, conceits, and vanity, so let's try to understand others as much as possible, and don't try to use scolding to achieve our own goals.
In other words, only by putting yourself in the shoes of the other person can you force the relationship to be controlled in a harmonious ideal state.
Husband and wife are actually the most difficult social relationships to maintain, and in the right way, in the right way, they can be companions in their later years rather than opposites or even the separation of things.
Why do couples who have lived all their lives choose divorce when they are old? There are grievances in the days, but also the fatigue and disappointment accumulated in life, it is worth everyone's reflection, do not fundamentally change, perhaps even if the marriage is still there at this moment, each other's hearts have long been thousands of miles away.
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Text/Relief Emotional Station
(Author: Xiao Yu, psychological counselor, focusing on the emotional field), good at the restoration of romantic relationships, marital contradictions and differences, and the healing of psychological trauma caused by the original ecological family. The lonely journey of life, listening to your grievances and pressures, helping visitors improve their skills in getting along with the sexes, saving their lovers, managing their feelings, and striving to become happier people.