I think everyone has had this feeling -
When learning such parenting knowledge as early enlightenment, character cultivation, and rule building, there are too many related tools and knowledge points, and I feel that there is no fixed solution to the problem.
That is, the legend: the more you look at parenting knowledge, the more anxious you become.
I used to, too, sometimes encountered the problem of little D, I spent a lot of time just "searching" for the corresponding tool in my mind, and often had the phenomenon of "stuck".
Stuck in a shell, I often feel that I have not been able to cope in time, or I have missed the opportunity to intervene in the first time. Then there is often a deep depression.
Why?
Why do we all spend so much time, but how can we still not internalize? I think it's because of the lack of information disconnection and the ability to organize ideas. In the era of information explosion, we are not short of parenting information.
A year and a half ago, I read more than 50 parenting books, subscribed to more than a dozen public accounts, and there was a push about parenting on Facebook almost every hour. However, as the parenting toolbox grows, it becomes more anxious and confused.
Because I don't know which methods are appropriate, I always worry about whether my behavior towards Little D is "correct" every time. If you're also going through this phase, share with you how I've "cut off" my parenting knowledge over the years.
How?
1. Pay less attention to discipline tools and pay more attention to whether you are a good communicator
Any positive discipline tool is helping us to become a more effective communicator.
For example, if the child makes a mistake and thinks about what concept to use at this time, it is not important, the key is that we must clearly tell the child that this behavior is wrong, and we must tell them why they are wrong. In this process, any emotional resistance of the child can be accepted by the mother's instinct first, and often at this time, the tools learned before can be used naturally.
2, pay less attention to the child's shortcomings, more attention to whether we really understand the child
In the time after Little D was one year old, I found that she was slow and hot, always "stage fright" to strangers and the environment; she was very stubborn, and she had to find ways to do what she thought was good; she was "stingy", very protective of her toys, and would do her best to defend sovereignty.
These were not what I expected, but slowly I found out: she was stubborn, but she also had self-assertiveness; she was slow and cautious, but she was also an observational and thinking child; she was "stingy", but she understood her own boundaries and respected the boundaries of others. A child's flaws are sometimes not really "flaws".
For children, the first thing I have to do is understand, really understand, who is my daughter? What is her temperament? What really should be removed, which is just the "perfect" standard that I fantasize about.
3. Pay less attention to the activity arrangement and pay more attention to daily companionship
After the age of one year, cognitive enlightenment is the focus of my attention. I would make a detailed plan of activities for her, but she wouldn't go exactly as I planned. At this time, I did not strictly demand that the plan must be completed, but made the plan flexible.
If you don't have to go out today, you can, then do a big sport outdoors. Originally planned to read picture books, you have to play the train, no problem, then have a good training of building ability, interspersed with some imagination games.
Amazingly, when I gave up on the Enlightenment program, Little D learned more because it was something she offered and she was interested in. In those activities, I lost the obsession with the pursuit of purpose, and some just went with the flow and nudged the child.-oriented.
Only children who feel love and security can be willing to learn. The best sense of security is the emotions of the parents accompanying the time, and the emotions of stability, love, and heartfelt enjoyment are the most important.
4. "Breaking away" in parenting knowledge
When it feels messy, we can block out some nutrientless sources of information, abandon some parenting tools that are too detailed, leave the obsession with any parenting tool, and restore the essence of parenting: what we mean to the child is much more important than what we do to the child.
I am still learning systematically, but all my learning is to make me a more perfect person, so that those who have influenced my learning style, the angle of looking at things, my three views, and so on can silently affect Little D.
Sending you a word: