As the saying goes: "Character is destiny, tone is luck." "The way you speak is enough to determine your life's fortunes. In other words, what kind of words you say, what kind of life you live. The richer the mouth, the better the life. To repair your mouth is to keep the good fortune of your life!
Some people say that what kind of personality a child looks like when he grows up stems from what kind of parents he has. Indeed, the child is a mirror, and all aspects of the parents will be reflected in the child, if the parents set a good example, then the child will not be bad in the future.
However, it may be because the pressure of life is too great, or perhaps because things at home are too cumbersome, mothers always can't control their temper, even if the child has no intention of making a small mistake, the mother can't help but scold loudly. But often the bigger the mother's temper, the more the child likes to work with you, so repeatedly makes the mother physically and mentally exhausted.
1. Why is communication important in parent-child relationships?
Talking about raising children can't avoid the word "attachment". Mothers have probably heard that "attachment" is very important. The attachment relationship represents the quality of the initial parent-child relationship, and the quality of the parent-child relationship determines the quality of the child's mind. Establishing a stable attachment relationship requires the mother to remain emotionally sensitive, provide warm support to the child, adopt a democratic parenting attitude, and focus on cultivating the child's temperament and understanding ability. But just as communication plays an important role in any relationship, in parent-child relationships, communication is the most important factor.
In the process of children's growth, parent-child communication is a double-edged sword, which can make children strong and can also make children collapse quickly in difficult situations.
Have you ever had a question: 0 to 2 years old children can't even speak, how to communicate? In fact, humans cannot survive alone, and even babies are born with the instinct to seek and establish relationships. Young children, while unable to speak, are trying to communicate and build relationships through crying. The instinctive need for children to communicate, the way the mother deals with it determines the quality of the parent-child relationship and the formation of attachment relationship. Let's look at a case study!
On weekends, a 19-month-old child, his mother and grandmother were preparing to go out. Mothers are usually busy with work and have no time to hold the child, so they want to hug the child. But who knew that after the child was picked up by the mother, he actually cried and stretched out his arm to the grandmother, and the mother had no choice but to hand the child over to the grandmother. Mom: Look, this kid hates me holding him, so go into Grandma's arms!
Communication is mutual, i.e. one side expresses an idea and the other side responds. In the above case, the child showed a sense of strangeness, and the mother responded negatively to this, which will have a negative impact on the development of the future parent-child relationship. Let's look at a different response: Mom: It seems that the baby daughter prefers the grandmother to hug it, but the mother also wants to hug the baby daughter, let the mother hug it, okay?
For the child, the mother understands the child's heart, can empathize with the child, and strive to become closer to the child. Even if the child refuses at the moment, he will develop a stable attachment to the gentle mother. Later, if someone else is hurt or in a difficult situation, the child will remember what the mother said when she hugged herself and draw strength from it.
Every day alone with children who can't talk, it is inevitable that mothers will feel tired and bored from time to time. Although this kind of daily life may seem boring and tedious, in fact, the mother's response to her child is the most valuable thing in the world.
In the following case, I think many mothers have encountered it in their daily lives. 4-month-old Xiu Min is trying to learn to turn over. Mom: A little harder, a little harder. Oops, awesome, come on! (Smiling) Xiu Min: (Looked at Mom for a while, then suddenly raised her head and tried to turn over again) Mom: (Xiu Min successfully turned over) Awesome, awesome! Ah, the girl has grown up!
Mom picked up Xiu Min and kissed her on the cheek. This is the first time since the birth of the child, with all the strength to successfully turn over, at this time every mother will encourage the child to say "awesome" or gently ask the child "Hungry?" Get a bite to eat! ”
Seemingly ordinary responses can improve the quality of a child's mind, achieve empathy, build trust, and lay the foundation for a stable attachment relationship. Mothers can quickly and correctly understand their children's intentions and needs, and respond positively, which is of great help to the formation of children's self-concept and self-esteem in the future.
Conversely, if the child wakes up and sends a signal to wake up, but does not get any response from the mother, what will the child think? When the child cries and seeks the taste and embrace of the mother, but hears the mother shouting "Don't cry", what will the child think? Perhaps, the child will have a very negative view of the world, and will feel that he is useless and unwelcome.
2, the child will learn the mother's communication mode
Children gradually begin to learn to speak after the age of 3, during which time the child's language ability will increase explosively, and the communication between parents and children will become more detailed and more important. Rich and smooth communication with the mother can make the child experience different language and communication patterns, which is of great help to the child's language and cognitive development.
Smooth communication with the mother means that the child likes to listen to the mother's words, and it also means that the child can listen well to others, which is conducive to the development of the child's future entry into society. Most importantly, the mother's communication pattern will directly determine the child's communication pattern with friends of the same age.
Tae Joon's mother's communication mode is commanding, and the tone is often very blunt; Rui Yan's mother's communication mode is followed by good manners, and the words are full of emotion. Here's a scene of 6-year-old Tae-joon and Seo-yeon playing freely in kindergarten. Seo-yeon is working together blocks when Tae-joon steps up and suddenly brings her blocks to him.
Seo-yeon: Tae-joon, I'm working on blocks, and we should fight together.
Tae Joon: I want to fight too! I don't feel comfortable with the blocks in front of you.
Seo-yeon: Okay, then I'll go over there and play.
Usually, Tae Joon's mother tends to think from her own standpoint, does not take into account the emotions of others, and the communication method is mandatory. Therefore, in the kindergarten, Tae Joon also puts his needs above the emotions of other children and adopts a command-style communication model. On the contrary, Ruiyan's mother is good at empathizing with her children and can reasonably compromise, so Ruiyan has also adopted a compromise and empathetic communication mode accordingly.
If you find that your child is having difficulties in parent-child relationships or with friends of the same age, you must reflect on the communication patterns and quality of communication between parents and children. Improving parent-child communication can solve a considerable number of problems for children. Let's look at another case.
Soo Hyuk is 7 years old this year and often has conflicts with children. XiuHe's mother has not played a game with Xiuhe for a long time. On this day, Xiuhe's mother plans to play with Xiuhe.
XiuHe: Mom, hurry up and play with me! Look, police cars.
Mom: Isn't that what kids play with? (Looking at other places indifferently)
XiuHe: Even the car door can be opened, wow, you see!
Mom: (yawning for a moment) Ah, yes. (Soon went somewhere else)
Hidehide: Mom! Why not play with me!
This short conversation is worth pondering. Soo Hyuk's mother disrespects the toys soo hyuk chooses and even laughs at her. And Xiuhe's mother's behavior of yawning and going elsewhere seems to be saying that "playing games with Xiuhe is really boring." In fact, the game is often dominated by children, and children are most likely to gain respect from them. But in his case, Soo Hyuk didn't get the respect he deserved in the game.
So, what does It look like when Hidehide, who has not been respected by his mother, plays with the children? Can he empathize with the children and get along with them? The following dialogue takes place during the free play time in kindergarten, where Soo Hyuk is playing games with the children while Hyun is really drawing with the other children.
Sohō: Hyun-jin, play with me.
Hyun-jin: I haven't finished painting it yet, so let's play it after I finish drawing this.
Soo Hyuk: (Can't wait for Hyun-jin to finish drawing) Hey, play with me. Why don't you play with me? (Wrinkles Ken's paintings)
Hyun-jin: Ah, how did you wrinkle my paintings? (Tears)
Children who gain respect from their mothers will also learn to respect others. The more children share, cooperate, empathize, and play with their mothers, the more friendly they can get along with friends of the same age. If your child is difficult to integrate into the same age and often has conflicts with children, you may wish to reflect on the way you usually communicate with your child and practice the way you speak to your child.
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